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How would you respond.


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 6th April 2019, 11:16 AM   #61
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Originally Posted by anika99 View Post
You simply cannot expect to have the same time and attention from your wife that she was able to give you before kids.
So very true.

Being a SAHM is not for the weak! I did it for five years. It was way easier to be a work-out-of-the-home mom when I went back to work. It's hard to describe to someone who has never done it just how mentally exhausting it can be.
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Old 6th April 2019, 12:39 PM   #62
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I have stayed with my nieces and nephews for a few days... OMG. It’s exhausting. I love them, but when they were little I couldn’t wait to get them to bed so that I could have a glass of wine.

I would much rather be at work. My brother has three kids and he goes to work when he is sick. His coworkers tell him - “You are sick. You should be at home, in bed.” His response, “I cant’ go home. I won’t be able to rest. I won’t get better to home, that’s not the place you want to be when you are sick...”

I have another friend who has three kids. She couldn’t wait to go back to work. When I asked her if she was sad to go back to work, she said “I love being at work! I can go to the bathroom anytime I want, and nobody’s bugs me. What’s not to like about work!”

Staying at home with little kids is the hardest job - you never get a break! It’s wonderful, but the pressure of keeping those little people happy and safe and the exhaustion that comes from experience is tremendous. I have such respect for stay at home mothers - it is the best job, but also the hardest!
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Old 6th April 2019, 12:54 PM   #63
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I will clarify....being a SAHM of more than one child is exhausting. Just one kid is pretty easy, unless of course it's a colicky baby or a disabled child, etc.
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Old 6th April 2019, 4:21 PM   #64
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This trip is just one of many. Again, she's a sahm and my income makes it possible for her to do just about anything she wants. I'll confess most of what she does is still with the kids so it's not always a vacation for her... I understand that.
Are the kids with her on this trip, or do you have the kids for the week?
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Old 6th April 2019, 4:49 PM   #65
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It can be really hard for women, especially, to flip the switch from Mom-mode to wife mode. Nothing appealing about crawling into bed after a day dealing with tantrums, bickering, fighting, wiping boogers, etc. and then having a husband want to have sex. Meanwhile, running background in the Mom brain are ridiculous things like "we need milk, i have to remember to schedule that doctor's appointment, XYZ is needed for school/church next week, did I take that laundry out of the dryer?, etc etc etc
This is so true!
op, think of it this way. When you come home from work, are you able to completely shut your brain off about any issues at your job? Probably not. When you come home at the end of the day, your day is over. It's fun time. For your wife, her day never ends until she hits the pillow, and even then, her brain is still running about family responsibilities.

This isn't to say you don't work hard or that you aren't important, just that she works hard too, and it cam be really hard to shut off "mom brain".

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Old 6th April 2019, 4:54 PM   #66
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op,
this episode is an oldie but a goodie. It explains your problem from several perspectives and explains how and why it can happen.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWiSZGPM_q4
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Old 6th April 2019, 6:55 PM   #67
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I feel like I wanna try to get this on DVD and give it out as a baby shower gift from now on. Timeless, and so true.

P.S. I watched it on my laptop while making dinner and emptying the dishwasher. Moms multi-task.

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Old 6th April 2019, 7:45 PM   #68
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It is eerily like something my fWW said to me while her affair had (unbeknownst to me) kicked into high gear. It made sense to me afterwards as she was trying to assuage guilt she was feeling. I would tell her "by being unwaveringly faithful."
this is beyond cool...so cool a response...there's nothing that shows care more than loyalty and faithfulness....
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."by being unwaveringly faithful."
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Old 7th April 2019, 1:50 PM   #69
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Oh, please. When someone asks you a question like that, you want to give it full consideration. She'll think of something, don't you worry.
I promised you I would give you an update. She's been home for 2 days now. Never mentioned a word about it. But I'm over it now. Time to move on. We talked about some other things (the other things bothering me) but that never really gets anywhere. My wife is hard to talk with or maybe it's partly me. It takes two to have a conversation, I realize that. But I think it's mostly my wife. Anyway, wish this place could help me more but I know it can't. I think I'll just have to accept that I'm low man on the totem pole and hope it gets better during the future stages of life. Young kids are tough!

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Not a good plan. You underestimate the strength of a female friendship. If her wife had confided in her, it is unlikely that her friend will break that confidence to share those feelings with you. Her friend will likely tell your wife about your conversation because her loyalty is to your wife, not to you.
Makes logical sense and I think you're right. No good reason to go down that road.... Eek, glad I didn't.
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Old 7th April 2019, 1:51 PM   #70
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Originally Posted by pepperbird View Post
op,
this episode is an oldie but a goodie. It explains your problem from several perspectives and explains how and why it can happen.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWiSZGPM_q4
I PROMISE to watch it. Might be a few days until I have time alone. Thanks!
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Old 7th April 2019, 1:54 PM   #71
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I PROMISE to watch it. Might be a few days until I have time alone. Thanks!
I would suggest you and your wife make a big bowl of popcorn and sit down to watch it together.

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Old 7th April 2019, 4:34 PM   #72
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As a guy, I say that married and some single men would love to have this question, this dilemma.

Hard to answer without knowing more
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Old 8th April 2019, 9:40 AM   #73
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My wife is gone on a girls getaway for a week. Ladies, how would you respond if your husband or b/f sent you a text message that said, "tell me one way I can show my love for you, anything". The context was we just texted how much we missed each other.
There are actually husbands who say this?

If my husband ever said that to me, my reply would likely be, "who are you and what have you done with my husband?"

Seriously. That would be my answer because I know it would have to involve Pod People.
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Old 8th April 2019, 3:50 PM   #74
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Yes you are right. It's also her house, kids and dishes too. I work a full time job being the sole income. Her position as she wants it is a sahm..
I'm so sorry, it's hard when one of the partners doesn't put work into the relationship.

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Old 8th April 2019, 3:56 PM   #75
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I know this sounds horrible but I'm beginning to resent my two girls because they are the ones who took away the love of my life. That's the best way to describe what I'm feeling at the moment. I love my children 100% they took away my wife. It's really hard.
Having young kids is really hard. I never asked my husband that back when our kids were young, but I'm guessing he probably felt similar to that back then. THEN my parents moved close and we started having date night every other weekend, everything was good again!!
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