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My wife is gone on a girls getaway for a week. Ladies, how would you respond if your husband or b/f sent you a text message that said, "tell me one way I can show my love for you, anything". The context was we just texted how much we missed each other.

 

Guys what would you expect?

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It is eerily like something my fWW said to me while her affair had (unbeknownst to me) kicked into high gear.

 

It made sense to me afterwards as she was trying to assuage guilt she was feeling.

 

I would tell her "by being unwaveringly faithful."

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As the woman on the vacation it might take me a while to respond.

 

But one of the things my husband started when he was still my BF & I went away was when he picked me up after my trip he gave me a bag of Hershey's kisses & said these are for all the kisses I couldn't give you when you were traveling. Now we give them to each other when one returns from a solo trip.

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Jewellery, handbag, shoes..., holiday... new kitchen, new house...

 

My wife's response was "I've been thinking so I'm sure I'll think of something" and that was the last of it two days ago. Hasn't said anything. No further texts or mention of it.

 

I'm sorry but I thought that was just cold. May as well say F-off.

 

Not the first time she's been cold like that when I try to be sweet. Never used to be that way.

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Oh, please. When someone asks you a question like that, you want to give it full consideration. She'll think of something, don't you worry.

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Oh, please. When someone asks you a question like that, you want to give it full consideration. She'll think of something, don't you worry.

 

Ha ha, yeah we'll see. She gets back this weekend. I promise to let you know.

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My wife's response was "I've been thinking so I'm sure I'll think of something" and that was the last of it two days ago. Hasn't said anything. No further texts or mention of it.

 

I'm sorry but I thought that was just cold. May as well say F-off.

 

Not the first time she's been cold like that when I try to be sweet. Never used to be that way.

 

 

It's a profound Q & it was kind of unfair of you to blindside her with something so deep when she was on a lark. Are you sweet when she is around or just when she's away & her full attention is not on you?

 

Text by definition is cold. The medium makes the message worse. You can't maintain a relationship through text. You just can't.

 

It is cold of her to say anything at all to you over the last 2 days.

 

If you truly want to be sweet, romance her when she's in front of you. Not with a device in your hand.

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My wife's response was "I've been thinking so I'm sure I'll think of something" and that was the last of it two days ago. Hasn't said anything. No further texts or mention of it.

 

I'm sorry but I thought that was just cold. May as well say F-off.

 

Not the first time she's been cold like that when I try to be sweet. Never used to be that way.

 

My response was slightly tongue in cheek, but my first thought as that perhaps you were angling for something sexual, and if sex is a "issue", then it may explain her lack of response.

Of course the other thing that may be upsetting her, is that she is away on a girl's getaway so this kind of thing coming from you may be seen as you trying to guilt trip her and that doesn't usually go down too well.

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LivingWaterPlease

I'd say,

 

"Surprise me!"

 

No matter how small or large I'd love it because I love surprises!

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when she is around or just when she's away & her full attention is not on you?

I've been the sweetest most helpful husband I can possibly be. Especially the last few weeks. Things have been very good.

perhaps you were angling for something sexual

I wasn't. I learned a long time ago not too do that. Once I sent a sexy text and later she told me she couldn't give two cents worth. It wasn't like that when we were dating or first married. I can tell you that for sure.

 

I'd say,

 

"Surprise me!"

 

No matter how small or large I'd love it because I love surprises!

My point exactly. At least you would say something, anything. It's just a kick in the balls is all when I've been working so hard lately helping around the house, watching kids, washing dishes ect ect.

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So Zig what do you think it means? It seems you think it means she's lost feelings for you.

 

I think it's normal that she isn't as romantically inclined as she was when you were dating or first married, it's not really a fair comparison to make. Things settle down to a more normal pattern.

 

I think when she gets home you should tell her that your feelings were hurt over her response/lack of response and talk about it before you start building up resentments. Honestly it sounds like that's already happening, meaning there have been previous instances of her behavior that made you feel ignored or rejected. Definitely talk to her after she's returned.

 

To address your specific question, if I was away on a girls' getaway and my husband or boyfriend sent me that text I would think he was being too needy and probably be bringing it up myself when I got home.

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So Zig what do you think it means? It seems you think it means she's lost feelings for you....... meaning there have been previous instances of her behavior that made you feel ignored or rejected.....I would think he was being too needy and probably be bringing it up myself when I got home.

 

Yup! Slowly but surely and nope, I'm not saying anything. I've already brought it up in the past and she'll have no part of the conversation.

 

Yup! there have been many previous instances and that's why I'm peeved. If this was a one off deal I wouldn't care one bit.

 

Needy? who knows, I'm only responding to her saying that she loves me and misses me. ( I know you're saying hey wait a minute) but that, in my opinion has become nothing but lip service to keep me hanging. It's really easy to send a text that says I love you. The actions don't often back it up.

 

But hey, seriously I'm just b!itchy about this right now. Everything else in our marriage is fine, I just feel like I've become last on her list is all.

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I've been the sweetest most helpful husband I can possibly be. Especially the last few weeks. Things have been very good.

 

I wasn't. I learned a long time ago not too do that. Once I sent a sexy text and later she told me she couldn't give two cents worth. It wasn't like that when we were dating or first married. I can tell you that for sure.

 

 

My point exactly. At least you would say something, anything. It's just a kick in the balls is all when I've been working so hard lately helping around the house, watching kids, washing dishes ect ect.

 

I hate to point out that helping around the house, watching kids and washing dishes are all things you should be doing no matter what. It's not a favor to her. It's your house, kids and dishes too.

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Well the "needy" is probably just a byproduct of the previous incidents then and understandable.

 

Her not being willing to talk about it is a big problem. I'm not sure what to tell you.

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I hate to point out that helping around the house, watching kids and washing dishes are all things you should be doing no matter what. It's not a favor to her. It's your house, kids and dishes too.

 

Yes you are right. It's also her house, kids and dishes too. I work a full time job being the sole income. Her position as she wants it is a sahm.

 

I don't mean to be disrespectful but if I was a sahd I'd have the house clean and dishes done before my wife came home from work. It's her part of the deal because that's what she want's. There is this thing called daycare if she wanted to go back to her career. She's just not all that happy being a mom is the bottom line and I don't know how to fix that. She runs herself absolutely f&ckin# ragged because she fills up all her time with things she has to do. If I came along and took away half of her responsibilities she would immediately fill it with something else she has to do. She's an addict so to speak and it effects our relationship. I know exactly why she didn't respond to that text message I sent. I was just venting here. She has no time for me because she has too many other things she has to attend to and is completely tapped out. She's told me so, directly in those words. I've become the chump.

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^ Oh,I've seen it before. Some people let the kids create their work for them and are just basically on call for the kids. That's nuts and I only have limited sympathy to people who can't call the shots and decide who goes where and say no sometimes. They seem to think they're martyrs and everyone should be respecting them for it, but honestly, they create some of their own problems. So she really needs this vacation, so don't play games with her while she's enjoying it. That's what you can give her to show you love her. Once the kids are all in school, you should suggest she gets a part-time job. If she's not happy as is, it might actually be better for her. When they're young, that's super hard, though. Need to all be in school. Riding the bus.

 

A guy I know has been married for like 30 years by now, I guess, and his wife hasn't worked a day in all that time. No kids! He does not have money. He works but not anything high enough paying for that and he was out of work for awhile. I can't even imagine why anyone would stay married under those circumstances. I just think it's weird. And no, she's not a trophy wife type. She's crazy looking and always sloppy looking and fat, but she was working when he met her, so there's no reason for her not to. I really scratch my head about that one. Each to his own, I guess.

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Some people let the kids create their work for them and are just basically on call for the kids......They seem to think they're martyrs and everyone should be respecting them for it, but honestly, they create some of their own problems.

 

You just spoke the most eloquent truth I've ever heard. I know it, my friends know it, everyone else knows it except her. We've even talked about it. My dilemma is how to get her to actually see it through her own eyes. The fact that you see it and put it into words gives me great hope.

 

I hear you on the other advice you gave too. Accepted, heard and appreciated.

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loversquarrel

If I was a woman I would crap all over you for sending such weak garbage. Time to put your pants on and take back some control in this marriage. A good way to start is to not send any more pathetic texts, if she texts you anything don't answer her. When she gets back it will be time for you to have your trip. What's good for one is good for the other, trust me.

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Your question was a lovely one. But the delivery was wrong. It should have been over a nice dinner and wine rather than texting her while she's on a trip. If I were you, I'd write it off to bad timing and start over when she gets back.

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Ladies, how would you respond if your husband or b/f sent you a text message that said, "tell me one way I can show my love for you, anything". The context was we just texted how much we missed each other.

 

Were I on vacation, after the "miss you too" text I'd have blown your question off. Bad timing and not worth a serious response, unless "you can let me enjoy my friends and vacation" is the answer you're looking for...

 

Mr. Lucky

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My wife is gone on a girls getaway for a week. Ladies, how would you respond if your husband or b/f sent you a text message that said, "tell me one way I can show my love for you, anything". The context was we just texted how much we missed each other.

 

Guys what would you expect?

 

Read the 5 love languages and then figure out which one is the most important to her, then do it. If you have been together for any amount of time, then it shouldn't be hard to figure out.

 

words of affirmation

acts of service

receiving gifts

quality time

physical touch

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When she gets back it will be time for you to have your trip. What's good for one is good for the other, trust me.

 

Yes, and a sure road to divorce...

Tit for tat is a very bad way to conduct a marriage.

It always tends to escalate and before they know it, pure hate is involved...

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e.

 

all when I've been working so hard lately helping around the house, watching kids, washing dishes ect ect.

 

Who was doing these tasks before this?

 

 

 

They're your kids! your house! Your dishes! Doing a bit if housework and childcare should be the bare minimum you do.

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If I was a woman I would crap all over you for sending such weak garbage. Time to put your pants on and take back some control in this marriage. A good way to start is to not send any more pathetic texts, if she texts you anything don't answer her. When she gets back it will be time for you to have your trip. What's good for one is good for the other, trust me.

 

 

This would be extremely childish behavior, not worthy of adults.

 

 

This tit for tat will kill a marriage really quickly.

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