Jump to content

Recommended Posts

My young daughter is 3 1/2 months old and doing well. The other man is and will never have any legal claims to my daughter. He signed his rights, and all legal loopholes are done. My husband will always be her legal father. So that chapter is finished.

 

On to some other news. We are looking at houses. There was a house; we both liked but turned it down. We could have afforded it, but we didn't want to adjust our lifestyles in order too. We have started looking at houses that are in great areas, that need a cosmetic fix. One, in particular, is a little on the smaller size 1800sq but it has four bedrooms and a den. The kitchen would need a little bit of an uplift, but it has a lot of light, and two bathrooms. Similar houses in this neighbourhood, for what we are looking for are 100 to 125K more, and we could renovate this house for 25K at the most. We haven't made any decisions but weighing our options.

 

As for our marriage. It's a work in progress. I'm still working on my issues and it'll be a long time yet. I recently had to have an increase in my anti-depressant medication, because my depression is bad. My husband is supportive which brings me to my next update.

 

My "lovely" mother in law. She started coming around more and is talking to me but her disdain is clear. She found my antidepressants in the medicine cabinet when she was looking for Advil. She commented on it and suggested I talk about my depression in therapy, so I could wean off of it. It came across as a helpful suggestion I guess to those outsides, but it felt like a jab. SHe even went as far to suggest my husband start taking over the grocery shopping to give me a break. It just rubbed me the wrong way. It's little things, but I'm just biting my tongue.

Link to post
Share on other sites
My young daughter is 3 1/2 months old and doing well. The other man is and will never have any legal claims to my daughter. He signed his rights, and all legal loopholes are done. My husband will always be her legal father. So that chapter is finished.

 

On to some other news. We are looking at houses. There was a house; we both liked but turned it down. We could have afforded it, but we didn't want to adjust our lifestyles in order too. We have started looking at houses that are in great areas, that need a cosmetic fix. One, in particular, is a little on the smaller size 1800sq but it has four bedrooms and a den. The kitchen would need a little bit of an uplift, but it has a lot of light, and two bathrooms. Similar houses in this neighbourhood, for what we are looking for are 100 to 125K more, and we could renovate this house for 25K at the most. We haven't made any decisions but weighing our options.

 

As for our marriage. It's a work in progress. I'm still working on my issues and it'll be a long time yet. I recently had to have an increase in my anti-depressant medication, because my depression is bad. My husband is supportive which brings me to my next update.

 

My "lovely" mother in law. She started coming around more and is talking to me but her disdain is clear. She found my antidepressants in the medicine cabinet when she was looking for Advil. She commented on it and suggested I talk about my depression in therapy, so I could wean off of it. It came across as a helpful suggestion I guess to those outsides, but it felt like a jab. SHe even went as far to suggest my husband start taking over the grocery shopping to give me a break. It just rubbed me the wrong way. It's little things, but I'm just biting my tongue.

You have mistreated her son for years, she knows it thus the venom.

 

Place yourself in her shoes, how nice would you be to someone mistreating your children. No matter how old, he is still her child.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

When your MIL interferes, just keep it short and not giving her any more fuel to the fire, and say, "We're working it out just fine." Just reassure her that way, as if it's her problem if she's worried about it. If you have to, tell her you'll follow your doctor's instructions, matter of factly, if she pushes on that again. I hate people who are always telling people to stop their meds. Silly uneducated know it alls. Grrr. But first just tell her, My doctor and I are working together on it.

 

Keep pushing forward to your MIL the fact that you already have a plan and are on it because you are an adult and her worry is her own problem. But don't let her lure you into discussing it at lenght. Just "It's all taken care of" and walk away or change the subject.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Give your MIL a break. The fact that she even cares about you is a miracle. I think your guilt will tend to make you see any comment as a job.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

That is why I'm keeping my feelings to myself. I'm venting on here. I'm trying so hard not to say anything back, or get defensive. It's getting better. She is hurt and I understand that. She isn't directly rude to me in front of my husband or kids, so it is what it is.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Cullenbohannon

Before i go, i must caution you on houses that are $125k below market value. It is going to take you a lot more than $25k. No one gives away $100,000.00. Best to hire a contractor and get your own inspection if you are serious about this house. And another thing, your family is growing. You should really be looking for space to grow. If a house is too tight, it isnt right. Dont settle or you wilk regret it. Your husband wants your opinion. Take your time and look again. The right house is out there.

 

Speaking of taking your time. Given where you were less than a year ago, the fact that there is a little warming in his family is a blessing. Your entire family has been thru the wringer for a year. You need space in your new house and in your life. Everything is changing and will continue to change until you both can put your feet on the ground a breathe. As you husband leads, so must you. Lead yourself to a place where you want to be and allow yourself the time to get there.

 

Instead of having anxeity of the day to day (and yesterdays) focus on a point of time in the not to distant future. Lets say, Christmas of this year. Imagine your family together in your new house and things a little more settled. Inlaws may still be wary, but willing to give the benifit of doubt. Compare this to being a single broke mother with 2 fathers of your children and engaged in a custody war....from both sides. Well that didnt happen, so maybe you got lucky with your name, and there is a rainbow.

 

Manage the path you are on and write your forever. Your husband and family deserves a healthy happy rainbow(you) at the end of that storm.

Edited by Cullenbohannon
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Before i go, i must caution you on houses that are $125k below market value. It is going to take you a lot more than $25k. No one gives away $100,000.00. Best to hire a contractor and get your own inspection if you are serious about this house. And another thing, your family is growing. You should really be looking for space to grow. If a house is too tight, it isnt right. Dont settle or you wilk regret it. Your husband wants your opinion. Take your time and look again. The right house is out there.

 

Speaking of taking your time. Given where you were less than a year ago, the fact that there is a little warming in his family is a blessing. Your entire family has been thru the wringer for a year. You need space in your new house and in your life. Everything is changing and will continue to change until you both can put your feet on the ground a breathe. As you husband leads, so must you. Lead yourself to a place where you want to be and allow yourself the time to get there.

 

Instead of having anxeity of the day to day (and yesterdays) focus on a point of time in the not to distant future. Lets say, Christmas of this year. Imagine your family together in your new house and things a little more settled. Inlaws may still be wary, but willing to give the benifit of doubt. Compare this to being a single broke mother with 2 fathers of your children and engaged in a custody war....from both sides. Well that didnt happen, so maybe you got lucky with your name, and there is a rainbow.

 

Manage the path you are on and write your forever. Your husband and family deserves a healthy happy rainbow(you) at the end of that storm.

 

We did bring along a contractor who is a close friend of our family. He says that you can find good deals, on houses, that need primarily cosmetic fixes. People often want houses that are ready to move in, beautiful, and don't need any upgrades. But we are looking at a lot of options, even cosmetic fixer-uppers. As long as the foundation, electrical, plumbing and layout is good, cosmetic fixes we can deal with. My husband is a very analytical man. He wouldn't make a decision like this without expert advice.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...