Bguy Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 My wife and I have been through some bad things, on all fronts. Both of us. Over the last year our communication has broken down. Out marriage and relationship has vanished. I am just a function . We have kids and we do great with them . She is nursing school and my work schedule is crazy but it has been as if we are living aerate lives. Recently someone who was a “friend” has reached out to my wife to see if we want to hang out ? This is a shady individual and has cheated on his wife and family very openly . My wife knows that and has never trusted him. But yet this guy keeps communication with her while avoiding me ? I know my wife had a part in it and I have said something several times. But I believe and know they still “talk “ on Snapchat . My guy says no this is wrong , should I confront him too? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 He’s not the issue, your wife is. And her inappropriate contact with him is just one of the symptoms of a failing marriage. You might consider counseling to address the disconnect between the two of you before it’s too late... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 Mr Lucky is right - this is just one issue in a larger picture. Have you undertaken marriage counselling? Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 OP...yes you should confront him....along with her. Yes, your wife take 80% of the blame, but he needs to be brought down to earth as well. With that said, even if he wasn't in the picture, your wife would find someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 Hi Bguy, can we have your complete story please? How long have you been married, how many kids, their ages and what are the problems you have faced that have contributed to your strained relationship? Without context it may be difficult to weigh in on your situation. By the way, how old are you two? Also how long have you known this 'Friend' and who was he friendly with at first, you or your wife? What kind of personality does your wife have, a bar hopping partying type or a lady focussed on the home? Best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 It sounds like you can get your marriage back on track if you both step back from your busy lives & spend time together. Find a sitter & book a hotel for a romantic weekend. If money is tight, still get that sitter but have a great romantic date at home. Put some romance back in her life & you should be able to talk the rest of it through. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bguy Posted March 12, 2019 Author Share Posted March 12, 2019 Hi Bguy, can we have your complete story please? How long have you been married, how many kids, their ages and what are the problems you have faced that have contributed to your strained relationship? Without context it may be difficult to weigh in on your situation. By the way, how old are you two? Also how long have you known this 'Friend' and who was he friendly with at first, you or your wife? What kind of personality does your wife have, a bar hopping partying type or a lady focussed on the home? Best wishes. My wife and I have been together for 6 years. We have 3 kids. She is in nursing school and she really isn’t a party girl. She is more of a home body. I am 40 and she is 38. We like to go to bars but usually together or with or family and real friends . Our problems have been financially based and when we first met I lied to her about my past. Didn’t want to tell her about how I was involved with a woman and daughter . We had a baby or she was pregnant but terminated it . Needless to say I should have been honest but we worked through it. This “friend” was more of a person who was in a larger group that we went to soccer games with . He had always been shady which is why I never hung out one on one or made him part of our life. He was at games and all was kept surface and not personal. He was always shady with woman and my wife felt the same . This is very odd that this communication is going on especially with him. We have not been good for awhile mostly with school and the time apart . But trust on both sides is touchy Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 Get your bud nippers and nip this in the bud. "Needless to say I should have been honest but we worked through it." Wouldn't be so sure about that were I you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamer2017 Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 I would have a talk with the guy and express my concerns with him in person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 Recently someone who was a “friend” has reached out to my wife to see if we want to hang out ? This is a shady individual and has cheated on his wife and family very openly . My wife knows that and has never trusted him. And yet, she can't help herself and continues interacting with him. He's not your problem. Your wife is your problem. If she never trusted him and knew him to be so shady, then why is she so open to communicating with him on a program where she can delete the texts and you can't read them? Scaring HIM off doesn't change the fact that your wife has been more than willing to continue engaging with him. She's your problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 Ask her how she would feel if you were snapchatting and talking to another woman who had a shady reputation. I'm betting she wouldn't like it and would feel hurt and jealous. Time for marriage counseling and for the grandparents to take the kids for a weekend so you two can work together to reconnect. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 When did she find out about your past? If it was fairly recently she feels shaken that she doesn't even know the man she has kids with. Be sensitive to that & work to win her trust back. Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted March 16, 2019 Share Posted March 16, 2019 I lied to her about my past. Didn’t want to tell her about how I was involved with a woman and daughter . We had a baby or she was pregnant but terminated it Your previous gf either had a baby OR terminated it? Huh? Which was it and when did your wife find out? Did you tell her or did she discover this some other way? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 16, 2019 Share Posted March 16, 2019 ...when we first met I lied to her about my past. Didn’t want to tell her about how I was involved with a woman and daughter . We had a baby or she was pregnant but terminated it . Needless to say I should have been honest but we worked through it. You were sleeping with a woman and her daughter, is that correct? At the same time? Who got pregnant and how old was this woman and more importantly maybe her daughter? Or do you mean you were involved with a woman who had a child? If so, why did you lie? Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted March 21, 2019 Share Posted March 21, 2019 The advice you get here will be worthless if it's based on anything other than full disclosure. Please clarify your "woman and daughter" comments, along with your "financial" woes. It's important because if this is the same caliber of honesty and candor you share with your wife, you may be already trying to come in through the out door. I don't know how you can successfully hold your wife accountable if there isn't a reciprocal history of accountability on your part? Link to post Share on other sites
jaclynxox89 Posted March 27, 2019 Share Posted March 27, 2019 I agree with the above comment that you two need to SET BACK and get grounded with each other again. Life is hectic. Busy schedules get the best of us, financially my husband and I are going through the worst we've ever been, BUT we still make time for each other to keep the 'spice' alive. I think you should consider a daytrip together, a weekend getaway or even a simple date night to a restaurant. Surprise her. Make her fall in love with you all over again. With your vows in marriage, you vowed to 'in better or worse, etc'. We all have our tough times, but it's up to us if we're going to revive things once they become dull, then damaged... Link to post Share on other sites
The Revealer Posted March 29, 2019 Share Posted March 29, 2019 My wife and I have been through some bad things, on all fronts. Both of us. Over the last year our communication has broken down. Out marriage and relationship has vanished. I am just a function . We have kids and we do great with them . She is nursing school and my work schedule is crazy but it has been as if we are living aerate lives. Recently someone who was a “friend” has reached out to my wife to see if we want to hang out ? This is a shady individual and has cheated on his wife and family very openly . My wife knows that and has never trusted him. But yet this guy keeps communication with her while avoiding me ? I know my wife had a part in it and I have said something several times. But I believe and know they still “talk “ on Snapchat . My guy says no this is wrong , should I confront him too? Too late, she is already cheating on you with him, if he isn't the root of your marriage problems... Link to post Share on other sites
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