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My wife and I are on the verge of divorce


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Old 11th March 2019, 10:37 PM   #1
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Post My wife and I are on the verge of divorce

My wife and I have been through some bad things, on all fronts. Both of us. Over the last year our communication has broken down. Out marriage and relationship has vanished. I am just a function . We have kids and we do great with them . She is nursing school and my work schedule is crazy but it has been as if we are living aerate lives. Recently someone who was a “friend” has reached out to my wife to see if we want to hang out ? This is a shady individual and has cheated on his wife and family very openly . My wife knows that and has never trusted him. But yet this guy keeps communication with her while avoiding me ? I know my wife had a part in it and I have said something several times. But I believe and know they still “talk “ on Snapchat . My guy says no this is wrong , should I confront him too?
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Old 12th March 2019, 2:00 AM   #2
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He’s not the issue, your wife is. And her inappropriate contact with him is just one of the symptoms of a failing marriage. You might consider counseling to address the disconnect between the two of you before it’s too late...

Mr. Lucky
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Old 12th March 2019, 2:13 AM   #3
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Mr Lucky is right - this is just one issue in a larger picture. Have you undertaken marriage counselling?
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Old 12th March 2019, 5:25 AM   #4
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OP...yes you should confront him....along with her. Yes, your wife take 80% of the blame, but he needs to be brought down to earth as well. With that said, even if he wasn't in the picture, your wife would find someone else.
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Old 12th March 2019, 7:52 AM   #5
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Hi Bguy, can we have your complete story please? How long have you been married, how many kids, their ages and what are the problems you have faced that have contributed to your strained relationship? Without context it may be difficult to weigh in on your situation.

By the way, how old are you two? Also how long have you known this 'Friend' and who was he friendly with at first, you or your wife? What kind of personality does your wife have, a bar hopping partying type or a lady focussed on the home?

Best wishes.
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Old 12th March 2019, 8:54 AM   #6
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It sounds like you can get your marriage back on track if you both step back from your busy lives & spend time together. Find a sitter & book a hotel for a romantic weekend. If money is tight, still get that sitter but have a great romantic date at home. Put some romance back in her life & you should be able to talk the rest of it through.
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Old 12th March 2019, 10:50 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by Just a Guy View Post
Hi Bguy, can we have your complete story please? How long have you been married, how many kids, their ages and what are the problems you have faced that have contributed to your strained relationship? Without context it may be difficult to weigh in on your situation.

By the way, how old are you two? Also how long have you known this 'Friend' and who was he friendly with at first, you or your wife? What kind of personality does your wife have, a bar hopping partying type or a lady focussed on the home?

Best wishes.
My wife and I have been together for 6 years. We have 3 kids. She is in nursing school and she really isn’t a party girl. She is more of a home body. I am 40 and she is 38. We like to go to bars but usually together or with or family and real friends . Our problems have been financially based and when we first met I lied to her about my past. Didn’t want to tell her about how I was involved with a woman and daughter . We had a baby or she was pregnant but terminated it . Needless to say I should have been honest but we worked through it.

This “friend” was more of a person who was in a larger group that we went to soccer games with . He had always been shady which is why I never hung out one on one or made him part of our life. He was at games and all was kept surface and not personal. He was always shady with woman and my wife felt the same .

This is very odd that this communication is going on especially with him. We have not been good for awhile mostly with school and the time apart . But trust on both sides is touchy
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Old 12th March 2019, 11:16 AM   #8
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Get your bud nippers and nip this in the bud.

"Needless to say I should have been honest but we worked through it."

Wouldn't be so sure about that were I you.
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Old 12th March 2019, 11:52 AM   #9
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I would have a talk with the guy and express my concerns with him in person.
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Old 13th March 2019, 11:32 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by Bguy View Post
Recently someone who was a “friend” has reached out to my wife to see if we want to hang out ? This is a shady individual and has cheated on his wife and family very openly . My wife knows that and has never trusted him.
And yet, she can't help herself and continues interacting with him.

He's not your problem. Your wife is your problem.

If she never trusted him and knew him to be so shady, then why is she so open to communicating with him on a program where she can delete the texts and you can't read them?

Scaring HIM off doesn't change the fact that your wife has been more than willing to continue engaging with him. She's your problem.
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Old 13th March 2019, 6:03 PM   #11
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Ask her how she would feel if you were snapchatting and talking to another woman who had a shady reputation. I'm betting she wouldn't like it and would feel hurt and jealous.

Time for marriage counseling and for the grandparents to take the kids for a weekend so you two can work together to reconnect.
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Old 13th March 2019, 6:05 PM   #12
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When did she find out about your past? If it was fairly recently she feels shaken that she doesn't even know the man she has kids with. Be sensitive to that & work to win her trust back.
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Old 16th March 2019, 12:52 PM   #13
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I lied to her about my past. Didn’t want to tell her about how I was involved with a woman and daughter . We had a baby or she was pregnant but terminated it
Your previous gf either had a baby OR terminated it? Huh?

Which was it and when did your wife find out? Did you tell her or did she discover this some other way?
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Old 16th March 2019, 1:45 PM   #14
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Quote:
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...when we first met I lied to her about my past. Didn’t want to tell her about how I was involved with a woman and daughter . We had a baby or she was pregnant but terminated it . Needless to say I should have been honest but we worked through it.
You were sleeping with a woman and her daughter, is that correct? At the same time?
Who got pregnant and how old was this woman and more importantly maybe her daughter?

Or do you mean you were involved with a woman who had a child?
If so, why did you lie?
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Old 21st March 2019, 1:53 AM   #15
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The advice you get here will be worthless if it's based on anything other than full disclosure. Please clarify your "woman and daughter" comments, along with your "financial" woes.

It's important because if this is the same caliber of honesty and candor you share with your wife, you may be already trying to come in through the out door. I don't know how you can successfully hold your wife accountable if there isn't a reciprocal history of accountability on your part?
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