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Husband not interested in sex


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Old 27th February 2019, 8:05 PM   #16
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Yeah, cause Iím sure her husband would love that.
Who cares what the husband thinks, he's got his porn and right hand or left.

But I do understand the OP's response to my suggestion... What about an "open marriage"??

Let her do her thing and he can do his (whatever that may be)??
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Old 27th February 2019, 8:07 PM   #17
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Yeah, cause Iím sure her husband would love that.
Probably not, but he already has a "lover", with she or even he readily available on his phone 24/7. Easy and convenient and he doesn't have to drag his increasingly fat ass anywhere. Minimal exertion.

OP
Porn has effectively stolen your husband away to a land of fantasy...
He knows you are going nowhere so nothing needs to change.
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Old 27th February 2019, 8:08 PM   #18
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@preraph - Maybe you are right. If that is the case this may end up being a no go. I have put up with a lot of ridiculous crap, and I am not signing up for a porn addiction. I am going to ask him about it.
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Old 27th February 2019, 8:12 PM   #19
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I really hate to say that you should do something so drastic, especially because you have children and you donít want to end your marriage. But, your husband does not seem to understand that there is a significant problem and he is not very motivated to improve the situation. He is seriously stuck, and obviously not motivated to change because he doesnít think you are going anywhere...
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Old 27th February 2019, 8:12 PM   #20
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@elaine567, you are right. I am not going any where right now. I feel like the stress of a divorce would derail my program and I am so close to finishing. My income will effectively double. I am not going to let this wreck this opportunity. But if it doesn't improve I will leave when I am done.
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Old 27th February 2019, 8:23 PM   #21
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His weight could be a factor. He might have trouble getting connected, if you know what I mean. Or feel weird about it. I think you need to not argue but wait until you're calm OR after you just had sex and just ask him if his drive has dropped or if it's hard for him to do or if he's preferring porn.
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Old 27th February 2019, 8:35 PM   #22
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I am working on my master's degree...
I'd like to add "Kudos" to you for continuing your education.

Way to go!!
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Old 27th February 2019, 8:37 PM   #23
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@preraph, well he has gained weight but he isn't massive, lol. There is no "connection" issue, yet anyway. He has always watched porn, more than I would like and more than I realized at first. But it was not necessarily an issue, until we stopped having sex. But you may be right about the weight. I know it bothers him because he has said as much. Not related to sex, but he has said how upset he is with himself.
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Old 27th February 2019, 8:38 PM   #24
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@happy lemming, thanks! i am really enjoying my program, but it is time intensive.
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Old 27th February 2019, 11:29 PM   #25
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You say he goes away for work regularly. Do you trust he's not up to no good? Do you know for sure that he is where he says he is....and that he is who he says he's with?
leigh01, I don't want to push you towards divorce any faster, but I'd guess basil's concern is more realistic than just porn use. The travel and minimum sex with you are both red flags. When I used to travel for work, my wife joked she needed to be "ready" the day I returned, something not the case with your spouse. He may have done the same financial calculations you have, and is simply buying time until you make more money.

You should at least check the easily accessed things like cell phone records, looking for regular calls/texts to an unfamiliar number. You'd also want to determine if he's secretive with his phone or other devices. You'll want to protect yourself and know what you're up against, especially since you're still sleeping with him...

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Old 27th February 2019, 11:44 PM   #26
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I have checked our cell phone records, etc., as I am the one who pays our bills and I have not noticed anything. But I do wonder.
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Old 28th February 2019, 6:15 AM   #27
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I have checked our cell phone records, etc., as I am the one who pays our bills and I have not noticed anything. But I do wonder.
I have 3 phones and an iPad... not that I use them for cheating, but...

And it wouldn't matter now, anyway... (personal snippet)...
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Old 28th February 2019, 6:36 AM   #28
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leigh01,

Is your concern mainly with the porn and lack of sex, or the fact that he is not particularly engaged with you or the children when he is at home?
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Old 28th February 2019, 7:19 AM   #29
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Porn addiction and a lack of sex in the marriage usually go hand in hand.
Nice pun BTW.

I agree with the other posters....the porn has replaced you. Most likely due to the fact it is easier to deal with, than dealing with a mom to 3 children who is working on her masters degree and probably has very little time or energy for sex. BTW, how old are the kids...it sounds like she has a lot on her plate.

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Old 2nd March 2019, 2:08 PM   #30
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In my experience, most women have this crap attitude that men should have sex with them when they want, and it should be a reward in itself for him to please her. For a man, it just starts to feel like a job.

You know I'm absolutely right, you're even coming to him, talking about his performance, and considering threatening him with termination if he doesn't perform better. You are his wife, not his boss.

I'm not trying to be mean to you, because you probably need to be the boss around the house, but you can't boss a man into sexual intimacy. Lust is inspired, not demanded.

Your job as his wife, is to make sure you serve his sexual needs. He's only allowed you, and you should aspire to make sure his orgasms are amazing, and that he gets everything he wants from you. He owes you nothing, this is something you have to want to do on your own accord, because you love him, and want him to have happiness. You will never repair your intimacy issues unless you adopt this attitude, and truly believe in it.

It's going to take time to repair things. If he wants to watch porn, join him, tell him that you don't think he should have to please himself. Jerk him, blow him, whatever he wants. After a while, he'll get back in the game, and be excited to take care of someone who puts him first. All happy marriages have two people, and both see it as their job to take care of the other. There is no other secret to happy marriages. Dedication to making someones life the best, and having it returned, is the best thing in life.
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