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Become a servant to him and his family


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Old 27th February 2019, 8:00 AM   #1
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Become a servant to him and his family

My fiance is from an eastern culture and once we are married he will have his parents live with us. Meaning I will basically be doing the majority of the house work and cooking once they are here. I've decided I don't want to live the rest of my life that way. I've told him I don't want to live that way but he tries to convince me it's ok and I should not be selfish but I don't want a stressful life like that. I'm already working 40 hour work weeks. And basically once his parents come I'm expected to wake up at 8 on weekends to make food for the family with no days to sleep in. I'm very exhausted most of the time. I don't think I am a good fit. How do I let him go. He is a wonderful man but his expectations are too high..
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Old 27th February 2019, 8:29 AM   #2
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By western standards what you describe would be a very poor quality of life and I wouldn’t marry into a that situation.

The question is do you have the strength to call off the wedding and to fight cultural traditions.
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Old 27th February 2019, 8:34 AM   #3
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He is not the man for you. Do not marry him. Actually you
must just dump him and his parents.
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Old 27th February 2019, 8:58 AM   #4
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If he's that traditional he should not accept you working outside the home. In theory you would only have to run the household.

However, if you can't agree on the cultural norms & a lifestyle that suits you both, you can't marry.
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Old 27th February 2019, 9:43 AM   #5
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I was going to say, in a traditional Eastern family where the expectations would be that the wife maintains the home, raises the children, no the extended family live in the home... the wife would not work outside the home.

If this is not what you want, and it is not what I would want for my life, you need to end the relationship and let him find someone who is more compatible with his culture.
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Old 28th February 2019, 5:51 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kateotto View Post
My fiance is from an eastern culture and once we are married he will have his parents live with us. Meaning I will basically be doing the majority of the house work and cooking once they are here. I've decided I don't want to live the rest of my life that way. I've told him I don't want to live that way but he tries to convince me it's ok and I should not be selfish but I don't want a stressful life like that. I'm already working 40 hour work weeks. And basically once his parents come I'm expected to wake up at 8 on weekends to make food for the family with no days to sleep in. I'm very exhausted most of the time. I don't think I am a good fit. How do I let him go. He is a wonderful man but his expectations are too high..
What is so wonderful about this guy that he thinks you'd happily become a work horse - for he AND his parents - for no reason at all except for his culture?

What a joke. Sadly, many women in all cultures end up busting their asses doing all the work inside the house as well as working outside the home while their lazy husbands feel entitled to nothing once they get home from work, so you're not alone. Marriage is a trap alright - but not just for men.

How do you dump him? Very easily. He's not 'a wonderful man' when he thinks he's too damned good to lift a finger and expects his work horse - YOU - to be his damned servant PLUS bring home a paycheck on top of it. He adds virtually nothing positive to your life at all.

I would have no problem slamming the door loudly behind me as I waved goodbye to all three of them.
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Old 28th February 2019, 6:32 PM   #7
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Don't marry him!! He's not that wonderful if he's getting a wife just so she can wait on his family like a servant! Put it in reverse and see if you'd ever think of doing that to him. Of course not!

Honey, I'm going to bring my parents to live with us and you'll have to do most of the cooking and cleaning before and after your day job. AS IF any man would agree to that! Don't be a chump. Tell him NO getting married if that's the situation and if he lies and says it's only temporary, then tell him, Then I will live separately until they're out of your house.
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Old 28th February 2019, 6:38 PM   #8
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This is the guy who tells you what to eat, how much you can weigh, forces you to stay in a job you hate, and let’s you do 90% of the housework.

Easy answer.

Get out.
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Old 28th February 2019, 9:03 PM   #9
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You aren't married yet...

...so you can call it off. That's part of the point of being engaged. It gives you some time to figure out if there's some dealbreakers. Obviously, this is one of them. Be open, honest, and part ways if he can't find a compromise.

Some people are very traditional, and filial piety is a big tenet of some Asian cultures. Be glad this is coming up now, rather than 6 months after the wedding. Make sure you talk it out so you know you are making your choice with all the information.
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Old 28th February 2019, 9:06 PM   #10
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I'm concerned that you would even consider marrying a man like this!

There's nothing wrong with being traditional. The problem is that many people want the benefits of traditional lifestyles without any of the responsibilities.

A man who wants a traditional marriage should not expect his wife to work outside the home.
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Old 1st March 2019, 12:01 PM   #11
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Why wouldn't his mother be the one taking care of the house while you are working?
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