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Husband takes and does not give back


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Old 24th February 2019, 12:57 AM   #1
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Husband takes and does not give back

I am in a common-law relationship. We live together but have separate financial accounts. Well, at least he does. I did have 2 credit cards, but he (mainly) maxed them out, I don't have any money in my bank account, plus I have a $5000 line of credit to somehow pay back (I'm unemployed).

He was also unemployed until this week. My parents have been supporting both me and him! Unfortunately, he loves real vehicles and has made some bad choices with them (that my parents paid for). He also acts like a child if he does not get what he wants. Every day it is something new he wants. I feel like I have to give in Everytime in order not to be called a bitch, and somebody horrible to live with. Even though he owes me and my parents so much money, just today he bought another TV (for the bedroom) even though he already has a stupid 60" one in the living room! I don't watch TV myself. But I've been paying for that also (cable, Netflix, etc.)

I am getting tired of going without in order to keep giving him money that my parents give me. I am just so used to be a generous, giving person. What can I do?

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Old 24th February 2019, 1:47 AM   #2
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Boy, a myriad of issues here. If you're both adults, why should your parents be supporting either of you? I'm also not sure what "real vehicles" are. If your credit is in your name, don't you control how it's used? Since you describe your finances as separate, hard to see how he has access to your funds without your permission. If you give in to keep the peace, hard to complain about the resulting debt.

Not much positive in your description of the relationship. Is there a reason you'd want to continue down this road? Doesn't seem financially or emotionally rewarding...

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Old 24th February 2019, 9:16 AM   #3
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First check your definitions. To be valid, common law marriages require co-mingled funds. If you have separate accounts, then maybe you aren't married. If you are married you would need a divorce to split up. A good lawyer will be able to tell you how much of his debt you would have to shoulder.

In the moment, you & your parents need to do two things. First stop supporting him. Let him pay his own way. Second & this will be harder, get him to sign a note for all the money they gave him. Absent a writing, that money will be viewed as a gift & you will have no recourse.
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Old 24th February 2019, 3:27 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Mr. Lucky View Post
Boy, a myriad of issues here. If you're both adults, why should your parents be supporting either of you? I'm also not sure what "real vehicles" are.<snip>
My parents are supporting us because I have already used up EI a and not eligible for Income Assistance. They are also generous people and don't want to have us living on the street. I said real vehicles in case some people might think he collects the toy kind. Yes, the credit cards were in my name, but used them to pay for his purchases. Any cash I took out from my account went to him for his bills.
Despite this, I love him, he loves me and we have common interests. It is just the finances that are worrying.

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Old 24th February 2019, 4:44 PM   #5
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Why aren’t you working? What do you do during each day?

How much will he make at his new job?

Have you two budgeted your income out? Or the amount he will be making?
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Old 24th February 2019, 5:01 PM   #6
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You're not even married. Leave, or at least make it where it's only your name on the accounts, all of them, and so he cannot use them. He is a freeloader who spends other people's money frivolously! Why have you even let this happen at all? It's your money, so you decide what to do with it. I'd just leave. Nobody needs a greedy grown man taking their money.
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Old 24th February 2019, 6:05 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Naturelor View Post
Despite this, I love him, he loves me and we have common interests. It is just the finances that are worrying.
But aren't these "worrying" finances under your control? How much you make, how much you spend, how much you save, all up to you.

Naturelor, you're partner isn't the problem, other than the degree to which he's willing to sink himself into debt. You're in charge of how much you make and how, regards of source, your own money is spent. Time for you to make some better decisions, both about your own employment and willingness to underwrite his lifestyle. As Nancy Reagan famously said, just say no...

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Old 24th February 2019, 6:10 PM   #8
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What can you do? Say NO to him. If he calls you names, you should view that behaviour as a deal breaker.
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Old 24th February 2019, 6:42 PM   #9
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Despite loving him... he should not be buying one single play toy while your parents support you!

No play money spent (not one dime) until your parents are paid back all the money they have spent supporting you.

Both of you need to get to work supporting yourselves!

Work work work!!!! When you have extra money and decide TOGETGER what to spend it on - that is when it is valid to have that money expenditure.

If he can’t keep that agreement then cut him loose - he’s just gonna be a detriment your wholefuture.
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Old 24th February 2019, 9:05 PM   #10
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I guess since you go along for with this nonsense and you don't plan to leave him or take over the finances you may as well settle in for a life of being broke and mooching off your parents.

You are not an innocent bystander. You let him max out your credit cards. You give him the money that your parents give you. You choose to live with this lazy child who calls you a bitch whenever he doesn't get his own way. You don't work. He takes from you, you take from your parents. Both you and your boyfriend need to grow up and act like responsible adults. If you're going to take your parents money and give it to your mooching boyfriend then that's on you.
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Old 25th February 2019, 4:41 PM   #11
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You're enabling his behaviour! You say you love him yet he treats you like crap and doesn't appreciate what a kind gift your parents are to him! Hello, he's a selfish lazy man child who is spoiled and doesn't care about anything or anybody but himself! If he truly had a back bone he'd be working his butt off to make a good life for you both.

What is it that you love about him? Does the good out weight the bad? Do you plan on marrying him someday and having kids with him? Do you think he's a reliable and mature man who can be a good husband and good responsible father? Time to really think about your life with him and if this IS the life you want. Seems you two will always be in the red and have money issues as well as relationship problems.
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Old 25th February 2019, 5:13 PM   #12
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I would think your parents are resentful.

While they are supporting you two he buys toys? Tell him likehes two years old “NO”!

Are you afraid to tell him no?
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Old 26th February 2019, 7:46 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Naturelor View Post
I am in a common-law relationship. We live together but have separate financial accounts. Well, at least he does. I did have 2 credit cards, but he (mainly) maxed them out, I don't have any money in my bank account, plus I have a $5000 line of credit to somehow pay back (I'm unemployed).

He was also unemployed until this week. My parents have been supporting both me and him! Unfortunately, he loves real vehicles and has made some bad choices with them (that my parents paid for). He also acts like a child if he does not get what he wants. Every day it is something new he wants. I feel like I have to give in Everytime in order not to be called a bitch, and somebody horrible to live with. Even though he owes me and my parents so much money, just today he bought another TV (for the bedroom) even though he already has a stupid 60" one in the living room! I don't watch TV myself. But I've been paying for that also (cable, Netflix, etc.)

I am getting tired of going without in order to keep giving him money that my parents give me. I am just so used to be a generous, giving person. What can I do?
I will say what your parents think. That guy is a looser.

If you are both adults why are you being supported by your parents? Your guy is not a man. He is an adult boy. The best thing you can do for him is to kick his but to the curb. Your parents will take you in.

Tell him if he wants to be with you then he needs to keep a job and pay down the credit cards. No more spending. Save money for your wedding and down payment on your own house.

Now if you are not willing to do that then you better get a job and help buy him more toys because he will never be satisfied with what he has because he like the newness of new toys more than the toy itself- even if they are real.

for the record- that is what my wife did to me and I straighted my butt out quick.
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Old 3rd March 2019, 12:23 PM   #14
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Go find someone better. He needs years of therapy and tough love. You are too weak of a person to be able to keep him in line. Find someone who loves you for being generous and caring, but needs nothing from you. They will treat you right.
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Old 4th March 2019, 8:16 AM   #15
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Since the OP hasn't been around for awhile we'll close this one up.


If the OP returns and would like to update, feel free to request the thread reopened by an Alert on this post.
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