pepperbird Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 (edited) If you're married, or in a long term, committed relationship, what are some things you do to keep it humming along ? Do you have any relationship "traditions" you keep? One thing we have done, even when our kids were small, is grocery shop together whenever we could. I know that doesn't sound romantic in any way, but back then, money was tight so if we could get a sitter, we needed to make the most of it. We would get quick meal and then do the shopping and run errands. It could be a lot of fun, and we could hold hands, joke around and just feel like newly weds again. We still do this, even though our kids are grown now. It's sort of a tradition for us. One time, we were holding hands while looking at counter top samples. The shop assistant said we looked cute and asked us if we were newly weds. She smiled when we told her we've been married almost 22 years. Our marriage is far form perfect, but I'm happy. Edited February 22, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix spacing/ 2/22 move to MLP 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 Good for you. Sadly when mine fell apart, later on l realized that if we'd just gotten back to some togetherness, even some little things like that ,it would've made a massive difference and we probably would've been ok. Glad your happy anyway , nice going. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 That's sweet. We cuddle together every night before bed. Even if one of us wasn't actually going to sleep yet, we'd cuddle anyway and then slip out of bed after. When H gets back from work, I stop whatever I'm doing and we hug and talk about our day for a bit. We try to go out on dates at least a couple of times a week. Not necessarily big or fancy dates, but always something fun that we could do together outside the house. Umm, I also get a birthday spanking every year? But in all seriousness, we make a big deal out of each other's birthdays. It's a day to focus on that person and pamper them to bits. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 One thing we have done, even when our kids were small, is grocery shop together whenever we could. We almost always cook together. I usually grill or prepare the main course, my wife does salad and side dishes. She never really liked to cook, so it was obvious early on that sharing the responsibility was the way to go. It's also a chance to get caught up with each other (I work, she's retired) as we prepare and clean-up. As a result, each of my kids are decent cooks, just from getting coerced into the process... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
vinnyfl Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 (edited) My take on traditions is that if you think about it, the whole idea of a tradition causes us to turn off our brains and evolve. It is the easy, lazy thing to do. Just blindly follow the past so you don't have to do the hard work of finding new things in the present. Our friends are married longer than our 47 years and no one has any traditions. If they did they were abandoned a long time ago. However we are all different, so keep your traditions if that is what will keep your marriage alive. We preferred to evolve our marriage rather than repeat the past because it is the comfortable and easy way that has worked for us before. It is what we found best to prevent routine and boredom for almost 5 decades. By their very nature, traditions are supposed to evolve constantly and meet the changing requirements of time and social contexts. If they do to you end up stagnant embracing things from the past that have not adapted to the present. Traditions can easily become safe and comfortable routines that we do to avoid change or as a talisman to keep what we have. We have had a great and exciting life adapting to new things and ideas. We structured our marriage and life to be what worked for us, and often went out of our comfort zone to force ourselves to deal with new circumstances and situations. We came through it all with a greater love than when we started. We saw and did things that initially scared us due to being unfamiliar but which turned out to be great and kept our marriage fresh and able to adapt to any circumstances. If you want to see why traditions can be bad, just look at the way they are used to treat women as property of their husbands in Saudi Arabia, or all the other traditions around the world that prevents people from growing and adapting to the modern world. Yes, traditions are nice as they link the present to the past and are what we cling to rather than the scary new things that might be better but are risky. However, they can trap your marriage in the past and maybe cease to be beneficial to your marriage without you knowing it since you never tried something new to compare it to. We chose a path less travelled. One which brought us to 21 countries and exposed us to new ideas and different forms of marriage and love. We learned that you can learn a lot from trying new things and abandoning the old comforting routines we fall into. We do what feels right in the present and what we think will work for the future. We let go of the old to make room for the new. This is why our marriage has been exciting as heck and lasted so long. We never had long lasting friends who had traditions or traditions the saved their marriage or made sex better and not boring. All are like us. They moved a lot and embraced new things to see what might be better. We had a damn exciting, fun filled and loving marriage. Hope yours is as good and better than ours. Edited February 20, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed condescending remark Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 (edited) My take on traditions is that if you think about it, the whole idea of a tradition causes us to turn off our brains and evolve. It is the easy, lazy thing to do. Just blindly follow the past so you don't have to do the hard work of finding new things in the present. I think you misinterpreted the OP's post completely, lol. I don't see how any reasonable person could reach the conclusion that having a fun thing that you do together would be mutually exclusive with evolving, traveling, or embracing change... Edited February 20, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 I don't have the slightest idea what vinnyfl is on about either... ...but we have a few. When the weather is nice, we go for a walk every day after dinner. Every Sunday we go to the farmers' market and talk through recipes together. It's nice to have these time-defined rituals because it creates a sense of order and expectation. Even if we are being snitty with each other over something, we know it'll be time to go for a walk soon and we can talk it out. We also hold hands while we're walking for as long as is practical. My husband is very passionate about this! He even got us a pair of mittens that holds two hands. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pepperbird Posted February 20, 2019 Author Share Posted February 20, 2019 My take on traditions is that if you think about it, the whole idea of a tradition causes us to turn off our brains and evolve. It is the easy, lazy thing to do. Just blindly follow the past so you don't have to do the hard work of finding new things in the present. Glad you found something that works for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pepperbird Posted February 20, 2019 Author Share Posted February 20, 2019 (edited) <snip> We also hold hands while we're walking for as long as is practical. My husband is very passionate about this! He even got us a pair of mittens that holds two hands. It says a lot about a relationship when the simple things bind a couple. Even the strongest connection can benefit from this sort of simple act. Funny thing is that it's often the small things like this that mean the most. We've been lucky enough to do a lot of traveling, and it's always been wonderful. While I remember all of it, the times that have meant the most have been the simple ones, like going for the groceries. It takes us back to a time when it felt like all we needed to be happy was each other. Edited February 22, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 Every night after we put our son to bed, we take some "us" time to just talk and be with each other. It sounds silly but it is a way to make sure we don't neglect US. Because without our relationship being strong, the entire thing will fall apart. We also try to sneak in date nights (either at home or away from the house) as often as we can. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pepperbird Posted February 20, 2019 Author Share Posted February 20, 2019 Another thing we still do sometimes is drive at night. When our kids were babies, they sometimes had trouble sleeping getting to sleep. We'd bundle them not their car seats and drive for a while. We'd talk, listen to quiet music ("Trois gymnopedies" worked wonders) and and park near the ocean so we could listen to the waves. It was lovely.That's why we still do it sometimes. It brings us back to being young and feeling like the whole world was at our feet. We'd talk about our hopes for the future and our kids and plan for the next parts of our life together. Now, we talk about our plans for retirement and how we hope to buy a little cottage somewhere in PR (maybe on the north west coast with some other Canadian ex-pats we know) and enjoy growing old together. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 We also hold hands while we're walking for as long as is practical. My husband is very passionate about this! He even got us a pair of mittens that holds two hands. Haha, that's super cool! What's that sort of mitten called??? (Not that we'd have any use for it in our current climate, but someday maybe. ) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted February 21, 2019 Share Posted February 21, 2019 My husband and I have been married for a little over a year, but we've known each other for almost two decades. There's some things we do, like going for a drive, that help us work out our differences. Other things are more recent and practical. I never say no to affection of any kind, no matter how I'm feeling. Touch is magic. And we keep the kids out of our bedroom so that we have a place to relax after everything is done for the day, or deal with a personal issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Prudence V Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 If you're married, or in a long term, committed relationship, what are some things you do to keep it humming along ? Do you have any relationship "traditions" you keep? We’ve got a few... We always go to bed together, unless one of us is ill and gets a really early night. Even if the other one isn’t ready to sleep yet, we’ll go to bed, chat a while, cuddle, listen to chill music and then as the sleepy one heads off to sleep, the other will read, work on a laptop, or do whatever, quietly, next to them. Likewise, if one wakes up ahead of the other, they’ll get up, sort the animals out, make tea... and creep back into bed with a drink for the other. Every night and every morning we tell each other why we love them, and in the morning we share the previous night’s dreams, etc, before we get up. Even if one of us has a really early start. We have the usual silly names for each other, and silly things we say before eating or drinking, and that sort of thing, as well as dancing together in the kitchen, using Alexa to make silly announcements to each other, etc. When we’re out walking we do the usual stuff - holding hands, cuddling up, etc - but we also always kiss at kissing gates, and every time we see a bench we have to sit down on it for a kiss and a cuddle. It does slow things down if we’re out walking with a group of friends, but they’re used to it by now, they just tell us to get a room. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 A few things I've learned the hard way: Appreciate what you have.The devil is not in the details, the details is what matters.A date night is just as important as your attraction.Arguing is not a sign of instability, it's a sign of differing opinions. Compromise rather than conquer when it comes to your significant other.Doing things together is much more fun than doing things apart, even if doing things apart is necessary.Two heads are better than one, and (in my dream situation, 3 heads is better than 2). Basically, if you have a problem, let your loved one(s) in on it.It's better to be brutally honest than ignorantly dishonest.Sometimes, answers aren't what is needed. Sometimes, it's the ears that are needed.Trust is an aspect that people will abuse. It'll happen to everyone at some point. Don't let it ruin what you have by not trusting those who deserve it, and don't be worried about misplacing trust. If someone abuses your trust, you just learn to trust that they'll abuse it rather than be scared to trust again. In other words, if you've been burned before, don't let it ruin what you have with someone else.Romance is just as important as attraction is. If you don't water the flower, the flower don't grow.Sex is important save for extenuating circumstances. There's a whole bunch more I've learned from those I've lost that I've loved, though, everyone is different. Part of the fun of committed relationships is getting to know those idiosyncrasies and then exploiting them for the benefit of the relationship as a whole. The love of your life has some kind of mole on their face that they are incredibly insecure about? Make it a point to tell/show them often how much you adore that mole and how it makes them unique. Turn their weaknesses into strengths, and hopefully, they do the same for you. I should also add - I have never been married so, uh, this is all idealization. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pepperbird Posted February 22, 2019 Author Share Posted February 22, 2019 (edited) DrReplyInRhymes, These are all excellent points. Each couple has to find the path that works for them. What that looks like will be different for each couple. That's a big thing right there. Working together as a couple ( or more, if that's what floats everyone's boat) to find you own way as a unique entity. I think too many times, we judge ourselves against a measure that's almost impossible to attain. No relationship is ever 100 percent happy, 100 percent secure and never faces problems. The trick is to recognize that and even embrace it, as a challenge can be a real opportunity for growth. Btw, good on you for thinking through all of this before you decide to get married. If you ever meet "Mrs.DrReplyInRhymes" right, you'll be one step ahead of the game. Edited February 22, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix spacing 3 Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted February 24, 2019 Share Posted February 24, 2019 We have a couple of traditions... We always go and cut down our own Christmas tree and drag it out of the wood. We celebrate big events with cupcakes and champagne. We work our way through cookbooks by cooking together on Friday nights. Those are things that are just “us.” Not special in any way to anybody else but uniquely fits who we are. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
devilish innocent Posted February 27, 2019 Share Posted February 27, 2019 We find time to sit down and play a game with each other every Saturday. Link to post Share on other sites
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