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My husband said "Fat is gross!!"


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I'm a plus size woman and just recently got married and its been a shaky year. Before I got married I was plus sized and my husband knew this(kinda hard to miss). About six months ago he told me that some of the issues we have stem from my weight, he then went on to say that fat grosses him out! My weight has never come up by him before, he also never made it feel like a problem for us. I asked when did he start feeling this way and he said he always had, what actions should I take from here?

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GorillaTheater

Diet, exercise, get looking hot as a Dallas sidewalk in August ...

 

THEN dump his ass.

 

I'm sorry, CB.

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Thank him for being honest, but point out that it would have been nice to know earlier in the relationship, then cut out all the desserts and get yourself over to the gym.

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Ask him if it bothered him so much, why did he marry you. That's not fair. I really don't get it if he thinks you're gross, why did he marry you? I wouldn't stay married to him knowing he thinks you're gross because I'd never want to have sex with him again. Don't have kids, for God's sake, because something is wrong here.

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Oh lord.

 

Tell him too effing late if he didn’t have the stones to say something about it before y’all got married. I’m plus-sized, too, and I would not lose weight for a partner. Sorry, I’m fat now and will probably be fat later.

 

And side note, to all of you on here saying “lay off the dessert and go to the gym,” someone can eat relatively healthy and work out and still be fat. The real issue is this man’s seeming 180. He had all the time in the world to say something BEFORE the marriage vows. He didn’t. He’s in the wrong here.

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You have many health benefits you stand to gain from losing weight, just depends on how much effort you want to put into it. Losangelena is correct in that pure diet and exercise will not work for every single hoomin on the planet though. You can work through it with your local physician, and we can give you some online pointers. Your man is a bit odd in complaining about it after getting married though, agree with that.

 

Just let us know which method you choose, and we can help.

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Jeez, this thread should not be about weight loss. It should be about a marriage where the azzhat husband pulled a cruel bait and switch.

 

OP, do you really want to be married to someone who would do this to you? I can assure you thay your life will be hellish if you do -- always knowing in the back of your mind that you repulse your own husband. Think what your self esteem is going to be in a few years.

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Not sure if OP will come back, but here you go...

 

I don’t think your weight is the real issue for your marriage problem, if he had no problem with it before.

 

How “fat” are you exactly? If you’re in the obese range, then you should lose weight for your own health. There’s a concurrent thread on here with tips from different posters. You lose weight when your calories intake is lower than your output. I understand some individuals may have hormone issues (e.g., taking certain steroid meds), making them prone to weight gain. But there’re others who would come up with many excuses. I helped a good friend who has been obese most her life lose weight last year by exchanging our food logs. Her BMI was about 35. She really did eat a lot. At least once a week, she would go on a binge eating extravaganza, and she also had a sweet tooth. I think that our exercise forced her to be honest with herself and accountable for her actions.

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Happy Lemming
he then went on to say that fat grosses him out!

 

what actions should I take from here?

 

If he is grossed out by you, then it won't be long before he starts to cheat on you.

 

Do nothing and he gets a mistress and eventually leaves you. Lose weight & get healthy and you both win.

 

You can't "un-gross" him from your fat... and although he should have told you how he felt before he married you, he didn't. So you can stand your ground and lose your husband or you can do something about it and save your marriage. Those are pretty much your choices.

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If she starves herself for two or three years with increasing the hours of workout all along in order to lose weight, she likely will be wanting to trade up.

 

Not everyone can lose weight. It's easy for men to say to just do it, but they don't have nearly all the fat pockets women do. It's much easier for them to lose weight. You lose a little and then keep dieting, and then it creeps back on, even while eating next to nothing, because for a lot of people, their body tries to keep them from losing or starving.

 

Because I was real active as a child, I have a high threshold of exercise I'd have to maintain to keep weight off, and it's just not possible while working, nor would I consider it worth it. I even took a job one time where I knew I'd literally be running some, and it slowed down the weight gain (I was still dieting while doing it), but only for awhile. Your body doesn't want to lose much weight. It is in survival mode.

Edited by preraph
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It depends how old the op is.

If she is post menopausal/menopausal with any heath issues that limit exercise, there is no hope in hell that she will lose significant weight without being on a literally starvation diet...

 

 

Seems like he is unhappy and is wanting an out and blaming the OP's weight, makes him blameless...

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unless you said you would slim if he married you, he is wrong, meh

 

some men like a full-bodied woman for the bust-line is always noticeable

 

and this, unanswered, but a good question > Did you ask him why he never mentioned this before he married you?

Edited by darkmoon
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He sounds like a jerk. I’m sorry.

 

I really don’t have much advice because I think that would be pretty hard to bounce back from. :(

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He must've decided to date you for awhile, propose, marry you, and then let you know that he thought you weren't the right person for him. OMG! You married a genius!

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Before I got married I was plus sized and my husband knew this(kinda hard to miss).

 

Hopefully we all marry for love but there are other factors involved and I'm wondering if any affected your decision to marry.

 

CBLock, did your husband bring any kids into the marriage? Any disparity in your incomes? Who's place did you move into? Were either of you married when you met?

 

Mr. Lucky

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This is all on him. He shouldn't have allowed things to get serious once you two started dating, let alone get married to you since he has issues with larger women. Not cool at all, shame on him!

 

How is the rest of your marriage? If weight is the only issue (so he says) dig deeper, there has to be more to this. Is he the type to worry what others think?

 

Sorry you're hurting.

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this isn't about your weight. It's about him being a douchebag.

My guess? He's cheating on you ( or wants to) and trying to soothe his guilt.

Unless you have been pigging out lately, you can't be that different than when he asked you to marry him.

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When i asked why he never said anything he sat in silence with a blank stare.

 

 

Sorry, but it sounds to me like he's cheating on you. Do a little investigating. I hope I am wrong.

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What were you two disagreeing about before he threw out this bombshell? Because it does sound like gaslighting, trying to take focus off something HE did wrong and trying to put blame on you.

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Tell him that his dick isn't as big as you originally thought either but you're making due. Tell him you can lose the weight but can he gain inches and girth?

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CBLock,

 

I am so truly sorry. The situation here is that, with this guy, this is always going to be with you.

 

It almost doesn't matter how you currently feel about yourself and your body shape, weight and size.

 

With our romantic/marital partner, we get to want to feel sexy and desirable and desired; and we get to have the relationship that makes us feel that way.

But he's taken that out of the equation of this relationship. It's not something that he can take back, or say that he just made a mistake, or say that he's changed his mind, attitude and perspective.

In my mind, what he did -- the initial dishonesty and the timing of his 'honesty' -- falls under 'truly cruel'.

 

As a purely visceral reaction, I kind of like GT's idea: get yourself a smokin' hot bod (as currently defined by the advertising industry), and then dump this guy's sorry arse...but,

of course, that still means that you've got to come around to thinking-feeling that you do not have a smokin' hot bod right now, exactly the way you are. Which is not cool.

 

So, you stay with this guy. And try to carry on your life thinking-feeling that you are not sexy and desired and desirable; or try to pretend that it doesn't matter, either way.

Or, you make the really difficult decision.

 

I relate to where you are, from personal experience. I am so truly sorry. I know that it hurts, hard.

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