mrose420 Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 So I will have been married to my husband 3 years this July. We fought and had disagreements like all couples do, but I was happy and content in our relationship. Until September of 2018 we moved downtown into a loft, and now my husband is an alcoholic, he gets up everyday way before me, and wakes me up right before he has to go into work, he will then come home, drink, hang out with his friends and talk out in the main space. He does not want to spend time with me, he can make hours of time a day for friends and other things but I only see him for about 15 before he falls asleep for bed every night. He’s cheated on me, wanted to **** other people, wanted to **** men, wanted to be in a poly relationship, then didn’t, been great then been a total *******! All since we moved here everything changed like we went from an almost perfect happy marriage to this cluster**** of me basically feeling like he hates me I don’t know what’s going on I’m so stressed what do I do. We throw shows up here with our roomates, he doesn’t ever want my input or help with anything even if everyone else does. And we both work on music with our friends but he never wants me to play or sing. One time he told me our lives have been too intertwined for the past years and needs his space and free time, but it’s not even trying to have our own spectate free times, he literally wants to see and talk to me as little as he possibly can we never do anything together ever, anymore unless it’s errands, doesn’t want to ****, like I said it’s like I don’t even exist almost and I’m too scared to hang out with our roomates because I feel like I’m encroaching on his space even tho we live together! Is it all the alcohol? Like what about moving here literally killed the person he was an our marriage idk what to do! I’m almost tempted to leave because not because I don’t love him, but because I don’t feel valued or wanted anymore. And the REAL kicker, is that he’ll still be like “I had a nightmare you tried to leave me last night” while STILL acting like this like ??? Please help me! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 Has alcohol & his friends become more accessible? Start by going to Al-Anon meetings. It's a group for people who love addicts. They will give you info that should help you make the next right decision for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 Please help me! First help us understand why you'd want to stay in a marriage with someone who doesn't seem to see you as anything but an annoyance? Taking what you've posted at face value, your husband seems more interested in time, companionship and sex with other people. You certainly deserve more than that and I doubt it's what you had in mind when you said "I do". I'd give him one chance to move somewhere else and start counseling together to get your relationship back on track - which he'll decline - before I started moving towards a healthier future. Sometimes, we can only save ourselves... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 Tell him if he doesn’t intend to make the marriage and you his top priority - then you’re divorcing him. Tell him no alcohol! Tell him the alcohol has taken over the best of him - and it needs to stop. If he won’t do those two things to better the marriage then you should leave him. Do NOT have kids with this man. Not unless he has no alcohol for at least a year or two straight. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 I don’t know what your situation was before getting the new place but perhaps the previous home was yours before he moved in? Regardless, the move has given him, in his mind, the opportunity to escalate the abuse he throws in your direction because he now has “ownership” of you. This is very common with abusive personalities - they escalate things after a move, during a vacation or trip, etc. Things that make them feel they have you where they want you and you’re somewhat trapped. I’ll save you the suspense - it’s not the alcohol, it’s not you, it’s not about space, and it’s not about women. It’s about him and it’s unfixable. He’s using all these other tools to confuse you but it’s truly about him getting a kick out of the powerful feeling he gets from treating you badly. You’re now seeing the real him. And the longer you stick around, the more he believes you’re dumb enough to put up with more. He knows what he’s doing so don’t bother lecturing him about it or getting into arguments about it. Simply leave. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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