Should I stay or should I go

[Kateotto]

I've lived with my common law partner for almost 5 years now. We have a house together and we both have good jobs. But I have reached a point where I don't know if this is a relationship I want long term.

You see he is good to me and is emotionally supportive but there's something I'm not sure is healthy. I came into the relationship wanting to go vegetarian and he was already vegetarian. A couple weeks after we started dating he forced me to go vegetarian even though it wasn't planning to start so soon, I wasn't ready to start. Also I was a very heavy girl and from the first day we met he said he will help me lose weight which is something I want but I felt like he was giving me an ultimatum where if I wasn't loosing weight he would be angry and possibly leave me.

I'm lost and unsure if this is healthy. He also makes me do 90% of the house work. He doesn't cook or do the dishes ( maybe twice a year).

My biggest question is he wants me to lose weight and be healthy and he wants me to keep this job I'm in because I make good money despite that I don't like it.i mean..he clearly wants the best for me but why am I so unhappy. I think he has a good heart but I feel he is shaping me into a person he wants and not wanting who I really am. If it were up to me I would work in a job that I enjoyed whether it made good money or not and I would eat what I want..but see that's the problem I think I would gain all my weight back if I chose what to eat.

What the heck do I do people?

Am I the bad guy?

I feel I'm codependent

[Garcon1986]

Welcome to LS!

 

I would stop and ponder the vegetarian thought for a second. I fully realize that most women are sensitive about their weight, and I am a man talking, so I send my sympathies that he is treating you this way. However, consider that there are so many health benefits to being a smaller person. Maybe, if you can stomach the ego for a moment, and the "you'll accept me for who I am", and receive this advice as a means by which your boyfriend is encouraging you to be more healthy - maybe you will see it differently. In my mind, there is a difference between "you will accept me for who I am", and "I refuse to change my weak spots no matter what anyone tells me". He's just not sensitive enough to realize that it hurts you to hear it, but he likely means well.

 

There are healthy ways of eating vegeterian so you don't miss out on the full range of vitamins and amino acids. Ask your local physician.

 

The housework thing isn't worth losing a relationship over. Negotiate over what feels comfortable. Make sure you understand each other's love languages and understand how the both of you feel validated. This can blow up into something awful - you don't have to let it blow up. Don't let your ego stand in the way of a great relationship.

[Mr. Lucky]

If it were up to me I would work in a job that I enjoyed whether it made good money or not

 

If it were up to me, I’d travel full time and see the world. The question before each of us is how to pay for what we want to do.

 

There’s a philosophical and practical side to each of your issues. Healthy weight and substantial income are both good things, being bullied into either is not.

 

Your BF only has the power you give him. Why not make your own decisions and let him decide what he wants to do from there?

 

Mr. Lucky