Beccawife32 Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 So I joined a snorkeling club with my bff about a year ago. It was a mixed group of male and females. A few months ago by bff and most of the females dropped out but I still go on the bi weekly adventures. Now my husband does not want me to go anymore. He says because all the guys look at me in my bikini. I have always worn a bikini and he never had an issue until he saw a facebook picture with a me and the group...yes I was in a bikini. I am not sure why now that is an issue. I don't know what to do but I am not going to swim in shorts and tee shirt. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 because bikinis are a lot like bra and panties, is it so hard to wear a one piece bathing suit? do you not want your husband to be happy that you are covering up for him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 (edited) Buy/wear a one-piece. Problem solved. It's a small price to pay to keep your husband happy. If my husband was going to a swimming club wearing a mankini I wouldn't like it. https://www.ranker.com/list/funny-mankini-pictures/nathandavidson Edited February 1, 2019 by Arieswoman 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 I disagree with the others. Why on earth should you pander to HIS insecurities? It would be one thing if you'd always worn a one-piece then suddenly changed up to a bikini. Then, he'd have a legitimate reason to want to know why you're suddenly wearing a bikini. But that's not the case. You've always worn a bikini and he's known it, so he doesn't get to suddenly change the rules NOW just because he gets a wild hair up his ass. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 OP, marriage is always a give and take, a compromise here and there. Some battles you choose to stand your ground, others you let go. Ask yourself if this is the beginning of a major issue or not?...will he get over it?....will he get even? I'm with the majority here...is it that big of a deal to wear a one piece? Also, if you're over 40, with rare exceptions, most women should stop wearing bikinis, and most men should keep their shirts on. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 No your husband shouldn't be jealous but the fact is he is jealous. If you love him the two of you will find a compromise. The easiest one I see is that you don a tankini or a 1 piece for your snorkeling adventures. Could you interest him in coming along? Seriously do you want to be right or happily married? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 Seriously do you want to be right or happily married? As my dad used to say, "pick one" ... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beccawife32 Posted February 1, 2019 Author Share Posted February 1, 2019 He won't compromise unless it is a modest one piece and shorts and another female must go along. Seriously??? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 He won't compromise unless it is a modest one piece and shorts and another female must go along. Seriously??? Why does he think you need a chaperone? That is ridiculous but what is your objection to a modest one-piece suit? It's easier to be athletic in that style. get the more modest suit & keep on snorkeling. He's your husband not your jailer & this is not the mid-east. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beccawife32 Posted February 1, 2019 Author Share Posted February 1, 2019 Why does he think you need a chaperone? That is ridiculous but what is your objection to a modest one-piece suit? It's easier to be athletic in that style. get the more modest suit & keep on snorkeling. He's your husband not your jailer & this is not the mid-east. My objection is exactly what you posted, I am not a 13 year old and this not the mideast. Agaihe says I have to wear shorts with a one piece. Link to post Share on other sites
LydiaLong Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 How important is your marriage to you? I agree that wearing shorts and a tee shirt would be impractical, but maybe a one piece would work. And I agree with the others...ask him to come along. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 Yes just do what you want to do which is wear your bikini. This way you give your husband a free pass to make a choice you may not be comfortable with in the future. Fair trade is not robbery. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 My objection is exactly what you posted, I am not a 13 year old and this not the mideast. Agaihe says I have to wear shorts with a one piece. Were you never a teenaged girl? You buy the one piece & you wear the shorts out of the house but then take them off in the water. My point isn't so much to be deceitful just practical & not start world war 3 over this. You are going to look at the fish & the coral. You are also not going so other men can look at you but you can't control where they look. I suspect as things continue & your husband sees no change in you . . .no cheating . . . he'll simmer down. Link to post Share on other sites
gsdgp Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 maybe the husband is mainly insecure. perhaps reassure feelings in him/attracted to him. you should be able to wear what you want. also be aware other males in group may or may not be interested in you, but you should choose what you'd like to do and ideally he should accept that. he probably is thinking that you are wearing that searching for interest/attention from the males but is probably wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 Jealousy is not a crime. Marriage is about compromise. Wear a one piece with shorts, take off the shorts when you get in the water. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 The root cause of every failed marriage is a lack of compassion for the spouses feeling. This is really a none issue, it's not about giving in to his insecurities it's about compromising to make your life partner comfortable. I find that people are largely unwilling to compromise, they just want to be right. Just seems like a really silly issue to allow that wheel of resentment to turn 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 On the flipside, I dont know that many if any of the women commenting or even the OP would see this the same if their boyfriend/husband was doing activities in a banana hammock with a group of woman...let's get real. That stuff makes most uncomfortable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beccawife32 Posted February 1, 2019 Author Share Posted February 1, 2019 So here is the compromise: No bikini No one piece that shows any cleavage No going unless a female goes along Wear shorts with modest one piece He will be checking the facebook post to make sure Sounds more like bullying. I have noticed some yellow flags before but this is the most blatant. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 True jealousy isn't a crime but I will add that I always liked the phrase "Jealousy is a wasted emotion." Given the OP has not given her hubby an actual reason for concern I get her frustration. The part I can't get by is him telling her what she can and can't wear. I'm coming from a place where I recognize my spouse as her own person. I may have a differing opinion on a matter and that is where it lies, it's still up to her to make her own choices. Telling a spouse what they will and won't do on basic matters doesn't sound like a great recipe to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 So here is the compromise: No bikini No one piece that shows any cleavage No going unless a female goes along Wear shorts with modest one piece He will be checking the facebook post to make sure Sounds more like bullying. I have noticed some yellow flags before but this is the most blatant. Counter proposal: Modest one piece & he shows up to meet the group members then gets off your case about this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 So here is the compromise: No bikini No one piece that shows any cleavage No going unless a female goes along Wear shorts with modest one piece He will be checking the facebook post to make sure Sounds more like bullying. I have noticed some yellow flags before but this is the most blatant. If we are being honest, it's a little odd that you are taking such a strong stand on what you're wearing underwater...unless you're dressing to impress out of the water. A two piece isnt required, nor is having your breast hanging out. Let's not forget it's you and a bunch of guy...you really don't see his point? that is a yellow flag 5 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 If we are being honest, it's a little odd that you are taking such a strong stand on what you're wearing underwater...unless you're dressing to impress out of the water. A two piece isnt required, nor is having your breast hanging out. Let's not forget it's you and a bunch of guy...you really don't see his point? that is a yellow flag She's not taking a strong stand about her attire. She is taking a stand that her husband is insisting on a chaperone (another woman friend must be present or the husband won't let the OP go) and the idea that he will search through the FB posts to make sure the OP complies with his dress code. Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 I'm wondering why your husband is so insecure. Were there any situations that led to trust issues in your marriage? As for your attire during snorkeling class, I wouldn't choose that as the hill to die on. The chaperone requirement and checking Facebook to keep tabs are too controlling though. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 She's not taking a strong stand about her attire. She is taking a stand that her husband is insisting on a chaperone (another woman friend must be present or the husband won't let the OP go) and the idea that he will search through the FB posts to make sure the OP complies with his dress code. Not buying it....he had no problem with her going for a year, no problem with her wearing a two piece. Now he does. Reading between the lines, and what she isnt saying is something changed, something happened that created this insecurity that hasn't been there the year before. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 As he is well aware, the bff dropped out and females are thin on the ground so how will Becca know who is actually going to turn up on the day... will one other female be enough anyway? I doubt it... This is not about the other females or bikinis, this is about the men in the club. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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