Germanshepluv Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 I’m really 19 but he’s 33. I married him cus I love him but some people are saying nagative stuff to me. What do someone mean by marriage is the end of my academic career? I don’t get it. Do people mean I missed my precious time due to marriage because I missed partying? What can I do in Anyway so I can still continue living the teen life? I just don’t want to miss anything. I’m very depressed cus people are bringing me down about I’m missing lots of things which I never knew about. Can I also at least go to another country to study? Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 Why did you get married so young? As for going to another country to study, most husbands and wives live together. I have to say, leaving to go study would be a serious test of your marriage. College is full of young people, partying, flirting etc. I try not to be a controlling person, but if my spouse wanted to leave the county to study - with the age gap here and everything else, I would be seriously concerned about cheating. I have to agree with some of what you have been told. You will be missing out on many youthful experiences your husband was able to enjoy as he is so my much older than you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Germanshepluv Posted January 26, 2019 Author Share Posted January 26, 2019 Why did you get married so young? As for going to another country to study, most husbands and wives live together. I have to say, leaving to go study would be a serious test of your marriage. College is full of young people, partying, flirting etc. I try not to be a controlling person, but if my spouse wanted to leave the county to study - with the age gap here and everything else, I would be seriously concerned about cheating. I have to agree with some of what you have been told. You will be missing out on many youthful experiences your husband was able to enjoy as he is so my much older than you. If he let me go to local college, would I be able to keep my youth experience? What can I do? Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 Nope. You are a married woman now. Kids in college are young and commitment free. Sure you can get an education, but by marrying so early, you skipped some steps and those are now gone. I saw your other threads about his controlling nature. “Let you” honestly, that says it all. He is in control and you are not. For me, that isn’t what marriage is, marriage should be an equal partnership. But you married a much older man, and now he is using power over you. I find that very sad. WHY did you marry so young? What was the rush? Honestly, your husband stole your youth from you in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Germanshepluv Posted January 26, 2019 Author Share Posted January 26, 2019 Nope. You are a married woman now. Kids in college are young and commitment free. Sure you can get an education, but by marrying so early, you skipped some steps and those are now gone. I saw your other threads about his controlling nature. “Let you” honestly, that says it all. He is in control and you are not. For me, that isn’t what marriage is, marriage should be an equal partnership. But you married a much older man, and now he is using power over you. I find that very sad. WHY did you marry so young? What was the rush? Honestly, your husband stole your youth from you in my opinion. What other youth experience did I miss out? I’m confused. I didn’t know about these things Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 You really are too young to have married, but if you love the guy, then voice your concerns with him. Maybe he will go out with you with your friends. Tell him you want an education, all that. Be honest with him. He may not like it, but who knows. If you decide you really made a mistake, then you can always divorce. In the meantime, please, I beg of you, get on birth control pills or patch. Don't have kids yet with this uncertainty going on and until you have your education and an established career. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 Hanging out with big groups of friends. Flirting with guys, going to parties. Going on road trips with your girlfriends. Late nights out on the town. I could go on and on. You haven’t spent any time as an adult really, while your husband has over a decade of experience. The fact that you don’t even know what you are missing out on says a lot. What do you want in your life? What are your hopes and dream? Do you want to be a strong, wise woman, or a girl who has to ask permission from her husband before she can do things. Again - why at 19 did you marry someone 14 years older than you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Germanshepluv Posted January 26, 2019 Author Share Posted January 26, 2019 You really are too young to have married, but if you love the guy, then voice your concerns with him. Maybe he will go out with you with your friends. Tell him you want an education, all that. Be honest with him. He may not like it, but who knows. If you decide you really made a mistake, then you can always divorce. In the meantime, please, I beg of you, get on birth control pills or patch. Don't have kids yet with this uncertainty going on and until you have your education and an established career. He would let me hangout with friends as long as they’re females. But not male friends. I don’t want any kids right now at all, I agree with you. When it comes to education, I mentioned that I want to study in the UK but he told me that there are same programs that they have in the UK out here in California. What’s your opinion about what he said about that part? He said he wouldn’t control me last time I had a talk with him. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 YES TO THE BIRTH CONTROL!!! Good point Preaph and that can’t be said loudly enough. This man is already controlling you. Getting you pregnant will be a way to trap and control you further. You sound so young and naive- it makes me sad women end up in situations like this. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 You are in California? Where are you originally from? Where is he from and how did you meet him? And yes, we have universities here for just about any type of education you want. What do you want to study? Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 He won’t control you, but he will control who you talk with, who you hang out with, and your social media. Do you think he would let you go to a college party? Do you think it’s right that a grown women had to have her husband “let her” do things? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Germanshepluv Posted January 26, 2019 Author Share Posted January 26, 2019 (edited) Hanging out with big groups of friends. Flirting with guys, going to parties. Going on road trips with your girlfriends. Late nights out on the town. I could go on and on. You haven’t spent any time as an adult really, while your husband has over a decade of experience. The fact that you don’t even know what you are missing out on says a lot. What do you want in your life? What are your hopes and dream? Do you want to be a strong, wise woman, or a girl who has to ask permission from her husband before she can do things. Again - why at 19 did you marry someone 14 years older than you? I married him because I’ve known him for a long time also I don’t get along with my mother and I also love him. He does help me financially. And you’re right, I’ve never experienced none of those things that you have mentioned. Is there any way I can experience those things if he let me hangout with female friends who I might meet at school or something? I went to a Christian high school so I never even been to a party either. Nor a road trip. I want a career in life. He goes to part time school as well. I really don’t want to miss or ruin my youth life. About the college party, he would want to come with me. His father lives with him and I’m hoping that will be more healthy for our marriage. Edited January 26, 2019 by Germanshepluv Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 Ahh so you married to get out of a bad home life. That’s unfortunate. What sort of “career” do you want? That’s really broad. If you don’t mind me asking, where are you from? It seems like English might not be your first language. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 I'm always leery of 30 plus year old men getting involved with sub 20 year old girls. My guess is you will out grow him in a few years, birth control is important for you. Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 Please get an IUD or Depo Provera if possible. Your husband won't be able to tamper with those methods. Your husband wanted a naive young woman to control. A man in love wants his lady to achieve her full potential. Extreme control is not love. Link to post Share on other sites
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