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Is this reasonable for my husband to ask of me?


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Old 21st January 2019, 10:32 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by alphamale View Post
you bring home the bacon so you are the boss. tell hubby fall in line or you'll never see your daughter again
I donít want to ever hold over his head that Iím the breadwinner, but it really seems unfair for me to have no say in my own career (knowing from speaking w colleagues that Iíll absolutely have to give up the specific career I have and love in X City) and be forced to work twice the hours to make the same $$ and then barely see our child. I have to be breadwinner and caregiver with no say in where I do it, just following him around for his dreams (which seriously could be realized just as well in current part of country).
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Old 22nd January 2019, 1:43 AM   #17
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My husband says if I don't follow him to this city forever, then I'm the one choosing to break up the family.
Did he really say he's moving there regardless of whether or not you and your child move also?

Listen, my plan was to be either an astronaut or professional baseball player until life happened, including marriage and children. So he needs to understand he's part of a family unit, he doesn't get to make unilateral decisions.

Is there a family member who might speak to him? Not sure he's thinking clearly...

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Old 22nd January 2019, 1:43 AM   #18
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I understand your sentiment of not holding it over his head. However, if you were to move and only work the same amount of hours you're doing, could you both stay afloat financially? I'm just wondering what would happen if you said you'd continue doing hours which work for you and your family.

If you don't go, could he finance this on his own or does he need your cooperation?
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Old 22nd January 2019, 9:00 AM   #19
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Offer a compromise that is best for the baby:

He does the training where you are. You keep your high paying job. As soon as he's earning enough to replace your income so you can stay home with the baby & your salary in the new city won't matter, then you move.

He gets a goal & you get some stability but you aren't completely shutting him down.
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Old 22nd January 2019, 11:00 AM   #20
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Offer a compromise that is best for the baby:

He does the training where you are. You keep your high paying job. As soon as he's earning enough to replace your income so you can stay home with the baby & your salary in the new city won't matter, then you move.

He gets a goal & you get some stability but you aren't completely shutting him down.
I like this a lot and suggested it to him! He just protested ďBut the [training program in City X] wants me NOW!Ē (Yes he could easily move out there at the later date for another opportunity, when the child is in school etc.)

I want to be separated, I just donít want To hurt him. So maybe not stopping him from leaving will make that easier for him.
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Old 22nd January 2019, 11:37 AM   #21
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Yeah, so now I truly feel my only option is to follow him out there and ignore giving up my career, financial stability, proximity to my family (Iím still 500 miles away now but itís better) etc... and ignore that once weíre out in the new city he will be a workaholic and Iíll barely even see him so then I really feel lonely. I feel like I suck it up and just accept this is what my life is and at least he has good qualities and is loving and at least I have someone.
I thought you were going to divorce?
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Old 22nd January 2019, 11:42 AM   #22
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Perhaps this is a sign that it's time for you two to go your separate ways.
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Old 22nd January 2019, 12:04 PM   #23
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I did the same type of thing for my wife's dream - moved to a far off island..

I was resentful for the rest of our marriage.

Make sure its something you really want to do. If your marriage is rocky in the first place, in my experience, it will not make it better.
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