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I think if I gave my wife a truth serum


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I think if I gave my wife a truth serum she would say that she wouldn't care if I was dead or alive. In fact if I die while I have life insurance she would be happier! Obviously I think she is staying with me for the financial security... And I get it. Funny thing is she says she loves me, but hasn't shown it in years.

No hugs, no kissing, our (rare) sex feels forced... married 40 years. This is the exact opposite of the first half of our marriage. I probably won't do anything... you have heard this before. Seems to be very common. Not the way I want to live out my life but I don't want throw everything away either. Guess I'm just venting..

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Hi Henry, well what do you plan to do about it? I guess you are still good under the hood and maybe used but not used up, as Waylon Jennings said in a song, so do you intend to rust your life away wondering what could have been? Are you overweight or do you have a drinking habit or something else that puts your wife off? Is your wife still attractive to you or do you look at her as someone loathsome? Just some questions for you to set you thinking about your situation and try and get to the bottom of the problem. Just think about it. Best wishes.

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That story breaks my heart. Since you don't want to throw everything away, have you asked her on a romantic date? Have you considered marriage counseling? What are you doing to change things?

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If being married 40 years puts her at about 60, you have to realize there are very likely real physical reasons why sex might not be comfortable for her and those can range from anything such as arthritis to prolapses to a fragile vaginal wall that will bleed under pressure.

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If being married 40 years puts her at about 60, you have to realize there are very likely real physical reasons why sex might not be comfortable for her and those can range from anything such as arthritis to prolapses to a fragile vaginal wall that will bleed under pressure.

 

And so he should ... ?

 

Mr. Lucky

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Simple Logic
I think if I gave my wife a truth serum she would say that she wouldn't care if I was dead or alive. In fact if I die while I have life insurance she would be happier! Obviously I think she is staying with me for the financial security... And I get it. Funny thing is she says she loves me, but hasn't shown it in years.

No hugs, no kissing, our (rare) sex feels forced... married 40 years. This is the exact opposite of the first half of our marriage. I probably won't do anything... you have heard this before. Seems to be very common. Not the way I want to live out my life but I don't want throw everything away either. Guess I'm just venting..

 

After 40 years your wife would not be dancing a jig if you died.

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Take care of himself.

 

That's exactly how resentment builds and even 40-year marriages founder.

 

There's an awful lot on the sexual menu besides intercourse. I'd expect to contribute to my partner's happiness, intimacy included, and would hope she'd do the same for me.

 

Almost everything good in life take effort to build and sustain. Marriage is no different...

 

Mr. Lucky

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There's an awful lot on the sexual menu besides intercourse.

 

Yes, but it may be a bit like telling a man with no penis or a painful penis and no sex drive that there is a lot on the sexual menu...

He has no interest and will derive little or no benefit anyway.

Yes he can spend 20 mins licking her clit or holding her dildo, but that will soon get old.

 

If a woman post menopause has basically lost the function of her vagina/clit due to pain, dryness, bleeding... and has lost her libido too, which is not uncommon then sex will not be enjoyable tor her.

To then ask her to suck him off or to tolerate agonising sex is not going to foster good marital relations, is it?

 

If sex now seems "forced" he needs to ask her "Why?"

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40 years is a long time for partnership. I would try to find joy in cuddling and kissing each other even thogh the sex isnt actually happening anymore. If you really want you can leave the past behind and be like first in love with you long love and remember what it was like to be in love with her. We all are like actors in this life. Some are bad actors, some are good so act as if time hasnt passed. For excusing her behaivor towards you... you can say she is just a bad at acting but that dosnt mean you should exert towards her and act love towards her.

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Yes he can spend 20 mins licking her clit or holding her dildo, but that will soon get old.

 

I'd like to think, even without a working penis, my wife could count on 20 minutes of dildo-holding from me right up to the end. And like many things in life, if it made her happy, that would would be enough for me.

 

YMMV...

 

Mr. Lucky

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If being married 40 years puts her at about 60, you have to realize there are very likely real physical reasons why sex might not be comfortable for her and those can range from anything such as arthritis to prolapses to a fragile vaginal wall that will bleed under pressure.

 

Is this also the cause of no hugs or kissing?

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Is this also the cause of no hugs or kissing?

Probably as many men will see hugs and kissing as a lead in to sex.

If she does not want to put sex on the menu, then no point in encouraging something that is not going to happen and if it does happen is damaging and painful to her...

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I think if I gave my wife a truth serum she would say that she wouldn't care if I was dead or alive. In fact if I die while I have life insurance she would be happier! Obviously I think she is staying with me for the financial security... And I get it. Funny thing is she says she loves me, but hasn't shown it in years.

No hugs, no kissing, our (rare) sex feels forced... married 40 years. This is the exact opposite of the first half of our marriage. I probably won't do anything... you have heard this before. Seems to be very common. Not the way I want to live out my life but I don't want throw everything away either. Guess I'm just venting..

 

 

op,

have you asked her what's going on or mentioned to her that you are unhappy? When I say that, I don't mean dropping hints, I mean have you been very direct?

 

 

If so, what was her response?

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I'd like to think, even without a working penis, my wife could count on 20 minutes of dildo-holding from me right up to the end. And like many things in life, if it made her happy, that would would be enough for me.

 

YMMV...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Agreed. Just because you do not feel well does not absolve you of satisfying your partner's sexual needs.

 

There have been many times in my past when I wasn't in the mood for whatever reason. I'll happily get her off with nothing in it for me (other than making her happy).

 

To use this argument of painful sex is to say a man shouldn't take his wife out or be kind and loving if he's not in the mood.

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Yes he can spend 20 mins licking her clit,

I don't mind it. That would be great.

She is going off her patch soon might that change things?

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I'd like to think, even without a working penis, my wife could count on 20 minutes of dildo-holding from me right up to the end. And like many things in life, if it made her happy, that would would be enough for me.

 

YMMV...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Count me into that one. In fact, I've had that experience before, as I suspect most men have. Know I can't have sex (injury, just had sex, etc) and just do a little diddling or licking because it brings my partner pleasure. I get pleasure from her pleasure and I'd like to think the same thing would be true even without a penis, or with an uncooperative penis (which has happened).

 

It seems that people love to get selfish in this area, and then cosign it for one another under the heading of "he/she will just have to deal". You know what, there are 100's of things I do for my W and she does for me every day that bring the other person 0 pleasure beyond whatever they receive from helping the other out. With how important sex is to the health of a relationship, especially for some, the advice here ought to be "how can you help one another" rather than "he/she needs to get over it and should be made to feel guilty for being interested".

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