Proposal Elapsed Time

[shydad]

Hi all! I'm interested in getting a feeling of what's typical for how long a man (or woman) waits to propose. If you're married or were married, I'm hoping you will please reply to this posting and share how long you or your spouse waited.

 

I tend to get impatient and want to just jump right in, but I think maybe that's not typical. Then again, by chance in a random conversation, my mom revealed that my dad had waited about three months, which was pretty shocking to me, so who knows?

 

Thanks for your input!

[carhill]

I proposed about a year after we first started dating, and we were married about eight months later. However, we were older so perhaps the timeline was quicker than for younger people.

[d0nnivain]

I was with a guy for 10 years. He never proposed & said he didn't believe in marriage.

 

DH proposed after about 1.5 years. We married the same year he asked which is unusual. Depending on your vision certain wedding venues & vendors book over a year in advance.

 

The younger you are, the longer lead time you need, IMO

[lana-banana]

We dated 26 months before he proposed, and had been friends a bit more than a year before that.

 

Everyone is different but I think this is one of those conversations you HAVE to have well ahead of time. Marriage, kids, where to live: these are all subjects where compromise is hard if not impossible. My husband used to be anti-marriage, and constantly shut down his ex's insistence about getting married, which concerned me, but he insisted it was different with me. Sure enough...

 

Overall I think the older you are, the less you need to wait. A year seems like the absolute minimum to me. It should at least wait until you are out of the honeymoon period.

[Els]

Depends on your age and your life circumstances. If you're students and/or not financially stable, I'd personally wait til those circumstances are sorted - people can make marriages work in financial adversity, but it's a lot of additional stress. If you're in your 20s, I'd probably give it a few years at least. If you're in your 30s or above, at least a year. (H and I waited a long time, but we met at 20.)

 

I mean, if you think about what this means - that you want to spend your LIFE with someone - what is the point of rushing? You should know them very well, and know yourself very well, before you make a commitment like that, IMO. You certainly want to wait til the honeymoon phase is over and you get an idea of how living with them on a long-term basis would be like, at the very least.

[bathtub-row]

I think a couple needs to go through all four seasons at least once. I’d wait at least a year.

[mrs rubble]

My first marriage, 1 year. My second marriage 4 months, but we were engaged for 5 years before getting married.

I had a proposal on a first date once!!! That's crazy!!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I think a couple needs to go through all four seasons at least once. I’d wait at least a year.

 

This is what my (still unmarried) middle school English teacher always used to say . I think it's a good rule. Infatuation can rule in the beginning and cloud judgment.

 

I'm divorced, but my ex and I got engaged after 7 months. Got married 11 months after that.

[Guildford]

My wife and I knew each other for 9 months when I proposed and married two months after that. Our fiftieth anniversary is in January (that is supposed to be gold; help, what am I going to give her that is gold?). Don't wait until the passion has cooled before you get married; if the match is right then do it. With regard to finances, if you can afford to live separately then you can afford to live together. Basically you need love, passion and a commitment that one way or another this union is going to work.

[BettyDraper]

I think it's prudent to wait at least a year. Marriage should not be rushed.

 

My husband and I were together for a little over 18 months when he asked.

[Mr. Lucky]

If you're married or were married, I'm hoping you will please reply to this posting and share how long you or your spouse waited.

 

Dated a year and lived together for another, so I proposed around the 2 year mark.

 

I can't think of a single good reason to rush things. I also wouldn't marry someone I hadn't lived and shared finances with first, too many unknowns otherwise...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Sunlight72]

My wife and I knew each other for 9 months when I proposed and married two months after that. Our fiftieth anniversary is in January (that is supposed to be gold; help, what am I going to give her that is gold?). Don't wait until the passion has cooled before you get married; if the match is right then do it. With regard to finances, if you can afford to live separately then you can afford to live together. Basically you need love, passion and a commitment that one way or another this union is going to work.

Congratulations and great work to you Guildford and Mrs. Guildford

 

Also - this is a great post. You've packed a lot of key points in a small space. I am glad to be reading it for the 6th or 7th time!

[Mr. Lucky]

Congratulations and great work to you Guildford and Mrs. Guildford

 

Our fiftieth anniversary is in January (that is supposed to be gold; help, what am I going to give her that is gold?).

 

My poor reading comprehension saw that initially as the "5th" anniversary, not the 50th.

 

So I'll echo Sunlight's congrats, being able to maritally coexist with another human being for five decades is a real accomplishment. May you have five more together ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[SJS]

I think it depends on the couple and their circumstances. My husband and I were teens when we started dating and got married at almost 23, so we had been together for about 7 years by that point. My sister and her husband got married 9 months after meeting (no, no baby!). But, they were both in their 30's and it was a second marriage for both.