TheRainbow Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 I knew Thanksgiving was going to be difficult. I just never imagine it be this hard. These are just consequences from my choice. My mother in law invited my husband and my girls to go there and told my husband he could bring me but she rather he didn't. He wasn't going to go, but I told him to go. I told him our older daughter would suspect something is up. We told my daughter that I wasn't feeling well, and was going to stay home and sleep. I ended up driving to see my dad and his partner. They ordered some pizza and talked for a bit. I only stayed an hour or two before I drove the hour back home. My husband got home shortly after I did. When the girls went to bed, we stayed up and talked. He told me it wasn't the same without me there. He said that it was awkward. He said his family looked at him in pity and noticed that they didn't hold the baby as much as usual. So they all know. He said at Christmas time he doesn't want to spend it without me there if that means not going to his parent's house, then so be it. I felt bad and told him so. He said, that this was his decision, just like he decided to give our marriage another go, and they needed to accept it. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 He's right. But, it doesn't make it any easier... As one who has been in a family drama, I will only say... It usually does get better with time. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted November 23, 2018 Author Share Posted November 23, 2018 I know he is right. And I just hope in time, they get to a place where they can at least tolerate me. My husband told me that he hopes so too, but either way they'll have to respect his decision, and will have to give me some basic respect when I'm around them. That they don't have to like me, but that he wouldn't let them belittle me. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 I don't always agree with your husbands decisions, but he is supporting you as a husband should and for that, you should be very grateful. Hopefully his family will come around. Happy Thansgiving. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted November 23, 2018 Author Share Posted November 23, 2018 (edited) I think the worst part of it is, everyone thinks I'm with him because I'm pregnant. It just sucks everyone knows about my affair, the baby not being on him, and think I got pregnant on purpose to trap him. Edited November 23, 2018 by TheRainbow Link to post Share on other sites
Jamess1 Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 If you were a loving mother to your husband you would feel pity for your son, for been taken advantage of and abused by a woman like u, for not knowing how he deserves better : he will live to regret it when he is older, he will regret not leaving while young : pain is better than living a lie, than regret (there is no other way to growth and happiness) we only have one life, and life is hard, but to live a lie is the worst, to live in fear. Sooner or later, he will realize that staying with you after your cheating was the worst mistake of his life..and he was just been a coward not to move on... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 (edited) It's not on her to make that decision for him. I believe if she can truly become a safe person he wont regret his choice. In all honesty I'm not sure she can sustain her efforts because at the end of the day, she knows he will accept her bad behavior. Edited February 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact quote of prior post Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted November 23, 2018 Author Share Posted November 23, 2018 (edited) If you were a loving mother to your husband you would feel pity for your son, for been taken advantage of and abused by a woman like u, for not knowing how he deserves better <snip> I'm glad you have him all figured out. Edited February 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted November 23, 2018 Author Share Posted November 23, 2018 It's not on her to make that decision for him. I believe if she can truly become a safe person he wont regret his choice. In all honesty I'm not sure she can sustain her efforts because at the end of the day, she knows he will accept her bad behavior. It's a struggle having to face my demons. I can't make any promises, but I can say I'll give it my all, because I don't take pleasure in hurting my husband. I just want to be the wife he should've had all along. The only thing I can do is not continue making the same mistakes I've made, accept things as they were, and move on a new an healthier woman. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 (edited) You can make promises, you have choices and free will. You chose to do the things you've done. Maybe not because you wanted to hurt him but because along the way you knew you could and there would be no bnb cost for you. When I say you can make promises I mean to yourself, promises to him mean nothing since you dont really hold him in high regards. On topic with the thread, my wife faced similar disdain from my family....mostly my sister who had actually looked up to my wife for most of her life. The relationship isnt what it was but its cordial now. In time if you prove yourself worthy in their eyes for thier son, brother they will come around. Ideally, they would also be equally loving with your child that isnt thier blood, but they are human and in the real world they will identify the child as a source of pain for their son, brother. Edited February 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact quote of prior post Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted November 24, 2018 Author Share Posted November 24, 2018 (edited) That is how I feel, but my husband is not okay with them treating the baby differently, and he has made it known that it bothers him. Edited February 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact quote of prior post Link to post Share on other sites
Asw27 Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 (edited) If you were a loving mother to your husband you would feel pity for your son, for been taken advantage of and abused by a woman like u, for not knowing how he deserves better <snip> A "loving mother" or a "loving sister" are not mean to an innocent baby. And they don't make their son/brother feel bad on a family holiday Their attitude is uptight, and certainly not "loving". Edited February 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
Asw27 Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 It's a struggle having to face my demons. I can't make any promises, but I can say I'll give it my all, because I don't take pleasure in hurting my husband. I just want to be the wife he should've had all along. The only thing I can do is not continue making the same mistakes I've made, accept things as they were, and move on a new an healthier woman. You should make promises. You should see yourself as the addict (forever) in recovery. You have too much at stake (your happiness, your husband's, your three children's) to let it go. You are on the good path. Your husband's family are choosing to be intolerant, and even if it's understandable to some extent, it is not ok. And even less ok when it is about the baby. Link to post Share on other sites
Jamess1 Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 A "loving mother" or a "loving sister" are not mean to an innocent baby. And they don't make their son/brother feel bad on a family holiday Their attitude is uptight, and certainly not "loving". Your son gets married, and during the marriage his wife cheats and gets pregnant with another man, and your grandchild is not related to you, the child is a symbol, a remembrance of infidelity - the child is innocent but it's not related to the supposed father/grandparents - we don't go around claiming strangers as our own kids do we.. The most basic request of all marriages is to at least have your own kids with your own wife - even in the so called 'open marriages'..this is a sad state for a man to remain in, his father must disown him as a son..along with the 'bastard' grandson.. If the roles were reversed women on this forum will be busy encouraging the cheated on woman to move on, to be strong, 'you deserve better' etc but now the victim is man! Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 (edited) OP: Did you cheat on your ex-boyfriend? If not, I don’t think you have sex addiction, but you just (probably subconsciously) enjoy preying on your husband the easy victim. I think you like the idea of being a good and faithful wife to him because it’s the right thing to do, but I don’t think you have the love and respect to do that. You complain about any tiny bit of unpleasant experience: the difficulty of your pregnancy, the understandable disrespect from your husband’s family. You’re one to always act impulsively and only care about immediate gratification. I honestly think your husband’s family was kind enough to include your affair baby in their Thanksgiving celebrations. Ultimately, you’re the one who has caused so much pain in their lives, and you managed to turn around everything and made yourself sound like a victim. Edited November 24, 2018 by JuneL 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 I ended up driving to see my dad and his partner. They ordered some pizza and talked for a bit. I only stayed an hour or two before I drove the hour back home. As far as "Thanksgiving", I didn't attend some of my family's Thanksgiving dinners, either. Many years ago, (when I was local to my family) I would suffer the "slings and arrows" of ridicule from my sister (and her in-laws) at Thanksgiving. I was always the "butt of the jokes" and felt uncomfortable. My sister compared her material possessions to mine and put me down. Things got worse when my mother allowed my sister to host the family Thanksgiving dinner at her house. I attempted to attend, but it went down hill. Truthfully, I got tired of "biting my tongue" and not responding. At one point, she asked me to move my car around the corner, so the neighbors didn't see it in front of her house. At that point, I said "Sure, I'll move it" and I just went home and cooked a frozen pizza for my own private Thanksgiving dinner. When the next year rolled around, I told my family I would not be attending Thanksgiving and had other plans. I went down to the local Truck Stop (just off the main super-highway) and ate Thanksgiving dinner with the truckers, who were unable to make it home for the holiday. I heard some great stories, laughed and just had a GREAT time. Oh... and the food was fantastic!! You don't have to subject yourself to anyone's ridicule, mean comments or dirty looks, etc. If they can't be polite and put on a smile for a couple of hours, they don't deserve your company. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted November 24, 2018 Author Share Posted November 24, 2018 You don't have to subject yourself to anyone's ridicule, mean comments or dirty looks, etc. If they can't be polite and put on a smile for a couple of hours, they don't deserve your company. I just wanted my husband and daughter's to have a good Thanksgiving with their parent/grandparents without me being there to taint it. They all hate me, and I didn't want to make the holiday miserable for everybody because of the choices I had made. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted November 24, 2018 Author Share Posted November 24, 2018 (edited) OP: Did you cheat on your ex-boyfriend? If not, I don’t think you have sex addiction, but you just (probably subconsciously) enjoy preying on your husband the easy victim. I think you like the idea of being a good and faithful wife to him because it’s the right thing to do, but I don’t think you have the love and respect to do that. <snip> My husband gave me his number when I was still technically in a relationship, but I did break up and move back with my mother before going on an official first date. Not sure if it's technically cheating or not, but it did cross certain boundaries. Either way, when we started dating, I was single. As for difficult, unpleasant experience, I do struggle. It is getting easier to deal with. I just talk through it. Talk about it, come to a solution, or just accept things as they are. It's tedious, but building those coping mechanisms take time. I know I am the one who is at fault here. I do a lot of my venting on here, versus with my husband because here I get a lot of tough love because no one here knows me personally, so the advice or comments, for the most part, is unbias and objective. Edited February 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 I just wanted my husband and daughter's to have a good Thanksgiving with their parent/grandparents without me being there to taint it. They all hate me, and I didn't want to make the holiday miserable for everybody because of the choices I had made. “He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone at her.” John 8:7 I don't usually quote the bible, but in this case it seemed appropriate. You made your choices and decisions, they should stay between you and your husband. His family should not participate in any "rock throwing". They should mind their own business, in my opinion. His family should just smile, serve up the turkey & stuffing and talk about the weather. Just my two cents... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 (edited) My husband gave me his number when I was still technically in a relationship, but I did break up and move back with my mother before going on an official first date. Not sure if it's technically cheating or not, but it did cross certain boundaries. Either way, when we started dating, I was single<snip> When I said cheating, I meant if you had sex with other men while with your ex-bf? My guess is no, right? Perhaps you want to explore why you only had those issues with your husband (feeling inferior to men, having sex addiction, etc.)... Edited February 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 An affair child takes infidelity to another level. Your baby is not related to they may not wish to pretend it's all ok. They have a constant reminder of your infidelity. Going forwards...as long as they are okay with your presence...you can't ask for more. Your infidelity has had fat reaching consequences and affected other relationships...so when you say you can't make promises...think again. After everything you've put him through...if you can't promise fidelity...then you really don't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted November 25, 2018 Author Share Posted November 25, 2018 When I said cheating, I meant if you had sex with other men while with your ex-bf? My guess is no, right? Perhaps you want to explore why you only had those issues with your husband (feeling inferior to men, having sex addiction, etc.)... I was stripping with my ex-bf, I did a lot of ****ty ****ing things. I rather not talk about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted November 25, 2018 Author Share Posted November 25, 2018 An affair child takes infidelity to another level. Your baby is not related to they may not wish to pretend it's all ok. They have a constant reminder of your infidelity. Going forwards...as long as they are okay with your presence...you can't ask for more. Your infidelity has had fat reaching consequences and affected other relationships...so when you say you can't make promises...think again. After everything you've put him through...if you can't promise fidelity...then you really don't get it. I've promised him I'd stop cheating so many times. This time I really mean it when I tell him I want to stop and be faithful. At this time, words to him are meaningless. He'll believe me, and take my word, but I don't trust my word because I know I haven't been able to keep my word. The only thing I can promise is that I'll actually get my head out of my ass and accept that I have a problem and that this is my issues to work through. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted November 25, 2018 Author Share Posted November 25, 2018 So her drive to change has to be for her and the example she sets for her children. That is where a lot of my drive is coming from. My husband never liked what I did, and always tried to control the situation, or tried to get me to stop. But I never did. It's me 100%, wanting to really become a better person. Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 “He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone at her.” John 8:7 I don't usually quote the bible, but in this case it seemed appropriate. You made your choices and decisions, they should stay between you and your husband. His family should not participate in any "rock throwing". They should mind their own business, in my opinion. His family should just smile, serve up the turkey & stuffing and talk about the weather. Just my two cents... I would agree with you if this situation is was not extraordinary. There are no family members in the world who would want to see their loved one being emotionally abused. The OP is narcissistic and very selfish. Do you really believe that her husband's family should turn a blind eye to an in-law who is a serial cheater? Do you really think that seeing their grandchild who is a product of infidelity would not be hurtful? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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