Jump to content

Lady in need of intimacy


Recommended Posts

quoththeraven

Background: been with my partner several years, great companionship, friendship, chemistry. Don't live together because of family blending stuff. Plan to live together in the next couple years when kids are off at college!

 

My male partner, I'm a female, has his own place and I have my own. For background, he tends to sleep naked because he is a sweaty guy, and typically sleeps with one of his pillows between his legs. Back issues. The pillow helps his back pain.

 

We are both in her early 50s, have good chemistry, good sex drives. However, lately I've been feeling our intimacy is not very good. This happens now and then, and I don't know why.

 

I'm a lady with a good sex drive, no real innabitions, and very comfortable doing a variety of activities to please my partner. I also enjoy a variety of activities for my partner to do with me to please me. So no real problems there.

 

Periodically, it seems like my partner gets kind of sexually lazy? I do not pressure him, but I would like to have regular intercourse once a week, with maybe five minutes of foreplay for me, and I am able to climax during intercourse just fine.

 

Sometimes my partner has trouble lasting. So I offer to bring him to climax any day, daily if you would like, so that we can have weekly sex that last for a little while. He usually takes me up on me pleasuring him once a week. Like I said I'm willing to do it everyday if it will help him feel more confident when we do have actual intercourse.

 

Lately my partner has been taking me up on me pleasuring him without intercourse, but he does not offer to do anything for me sexually. Later that day or week when I asked for intercourse, he claims he is too tired. So I am not having any sort of sexual climax myself.

 

I understand that men, just like women, can feel tired, not in the mood, Etc. However currently my partner does not have a job and is not under any sort of stress. He has money from elsewhere that allows him to pay his living expenses without working.

 

Cut to today. It has been a couple weeks since we have had intercourse and since I have had a climax. I am feeling kind of desperate for some intimacy, especially with my partner, and not just pure sex, but also touching, hugging, kissing, Etc.

 

We went to his apartment and as he was showering before we were going to be intimate, I noticed that both of his bed pillows were covered in, let's say, a certain type of stains. Remember, he likes to sleep naked and with a pillow between his legs.

 

Because our sex life has been waiting, I asked him if he was bringing himself to climax on his own. And I was a little upset because I have been patiently waiting for some intimacy time with him.

 

he began yelling at me, saying that those stains were not what I thought they were. And that he is not in any way having any intimacy with himself. I'm old enough to know what those stains are.

 

I don't do yelling, so I just went home. Since then, he has texted me saying that there are no stains on his pillow, he is not pleasuring himself, and there is nothing wrong with our sex life.

 

I am a very understanding person, but when both partners are physically and mentally healthy and are capable of having intimacy and have very good chemistry when they do have intimacy, I am beginning to get frustrated physically and emotionally from a lack of satisfaction for myself.

 

I also feel that my partner is lying to me about pleasuring himself, and I feel that it is selfish to refuse to have sex with me and to not take me up off and on my offer to pleasure him without intercourse, so that he feels more confident when we do have intercourse.

 

having intimacy with himself is one thing, but when it means that I do not get any intimacy with him for myself, I'm beginning to feel very frustrated. It is not just the lack of climax, which does make me cranky after a couple weeks without, but also the desire to have that special time with my partner, cuddling, kissing Etc.

 

he will not admit that anything is wrong or that he's done anything wrong, and I am not going to harp on him about it. But I am tired of feeling rejected and lacking that sense of closeness that comes from a physical relationship. What do I do?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
quoththeraven

I forgot to add, I would definitely like to have intimacy with my partner more than once a week. But I am willing to live with once a week if that is all he is up to. But if he has pleasuring himself several times during the week and refusing to have any intimacy with me, I am beginning to feel frustrated and lonely.

Link to post
Share on other sites

What does he say the stains are?

 

Even if he's not up (sorry, no pun intended) for intercourse he could pleasure you in other ways. That's not only lazy but thoughtless and uncaring.

 

He may not feel there is anything wrong with your sex life but you clearly do (so would I in your shoes).

 

I would keep trying to talk to him about it, make sure he understands it's an important part of the relationship for you. If he is unwilling to do anything about it, you'll have to decide where you want to go from here.

Link to post
Share on other sites

This is not uncommon with men over 40. Their sex drives decrease or their pecker doesn't work. It's just something you either have to accept or date younger men.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Him jerking off and having sex with you aren’t mutually exclusive. It’s perfectly normal to do both. If he is jerking off (like pretty much every other male on the planet), that would tell me there’s nothing wrong with his sex drive.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
quoththeraven

Well, it seems there is no problem with his sex drive. He appears to be masturbating regularly. And his sex drive and function is high. No problem getting the equipment working. Just that he doesn't last long. which is fine with me! There are lots of ways to enjoy each other even if he climaxes very quickly. But he seems to prefer climaxing alone. but when we do have intercourse, we are both very satisfied! So why is he masturbating and lying about it and refusing my once a week advances?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
quoththeraven

He says the stains are him drooling on his pillow. He doesn't drool. Also the pillows, well, they strongly smell of having been used between his legs while nude, as back support. It's kind of icky to have to sleep on a stained, stinky pillow at his house. I'm not a neat freak, but he could just wash the pillow cases. He yelled at me that he doesn't have his own washer dryer. There is a nice coin laundromat at his apartment complex. But he doesn't wash the sheets.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
quoththeraven

Just to clarify, he can get an erection if I just breathe on him lol! And if I perform manual or oral stimulation, he climaxes within a few minutes. His drive and equipment are fully functional.

Link to post
Share on other sites
He says the stains are him drooling on his pillow. He doesn't drool. Also the pillows, well, they strongly smell of having been used between his legs while nude, as back support. It's kind of icky to have to sleep on a stained, stinky pillow at his house. I'm not a neat freak, but he could just wash the pillow cases. He yelled at me that he doesn't have his own washer dryer. There is a nice coin laundromat at his apartment complex. But he doesn't wash the sheets.

 

Yuck!!!!!

 

Double Yuck!!!!

Link to post
Share on other sites
So why is he masturbating and lying about it and refusing my once a week advances?

 

Because he’d rather masturbate than have sex. Only he can answer why. But it’s pretty clear the lack of intimacy is because he doesn’t want it, not because he’s unable to do it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
He says the stains are him drooling on his pillow. He doesn't drool. Also the pillows, well, they strongly smell of having been used between his legs while nude, as back support. It's kind of icky to have to sleep on a stained, stinky pillow at his house. I'm not a neat freak, but he could just wash the pillow cases. He yelled at me that he doesn't have his own washer dryer. There is a nice coin laundromat at his apartment complex. But he doesn't wash the sheets.

 

 

This is super gross. :sick: Jeez, you must really love him.

 

The yelling signals to me that he is tense about something and for sure about how whatever he's tense about relates to sex with you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
quoththeraven

You guys are right. Something is going on with him. Unfortunately I don't know what it is. I guess it's best to just end things with him since he won't talk to me about it and really isn't showing me the caring and respect that I show him. I've tried but I am not going to nag him for answers. That is not how a good relationship works.

Link to post
Share on other sites

May I ask is he overweight? With the dirty sheets/pillow (even with a washer available), not working, and not wanting sex, yet can and does masterbate seems to me to be a case of laziness. Is he a lazy person? My last ex was overweight/lazy and would only have sex with me on top doing all the work. He acted as though his telling me to get my vibrator going because he was about to cum was him being a participant. We didnt last long.

Edited by Mrschaney
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

yeah, I was going to say this sounds like just plain being lazy. Doesn't work, too lazy to wash sheets (ewwww) and too lazy to pleasure you. Easier to sleep on his filthy sheets and jerk himself off.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
quoththeraven

He's not overweight per se. Not thin but, you know, normal for a middle aged guy. Depressed? I've asked him but he says he's okay. I suspect he's not all that okay and s a bit depressed.Lazy? Yes although it would be unkind to say that to him so I just kind of, well, I just try to encourage him. I know feeling depressed makes people not want to do things. But the intimacy thing just makes me feel so lousy. Like I'm very far down on his priorities.

Link to post
Share on other sites
He says the stains are him drooling on his pillow. He doesn't drool. Also the pillows, well, they strongly smell of having been used between his legs while nude, as back support. It's kind of icky to have to sleep on a stained, stinky pillow at his house. I'm not a neat freak, but he could just wash the pillow cases. He yelled at me that he doesn't have his own washer dryer. There is a nice coin laundromat at his apartment complex. But he doesn't wash the sheets.

 

Omg that is so disgusting. What is it with people posting on here lately about partners who don't even try to keep themselves fit and clean and then want certain things enthusiastically given in sex?

 

I mean, he knows he's a sweaty guy, as you said. So that means he should be washing his sheets MORE than average. Don't have a washer/dryer? Then buy several sets of sheets and change them every few days. And what self-respecting grown man jizzes all over his sheets and then sleeps in it night after night? That's just nasty.

 

the whole thing just reeks (yes, pun intended) of entitlement, a deluded sense of attractiveness, and disrespect. Yes, it does sound like something is going on as evidenced by him snapping at you. But if he won't communicate with you, what can you do? Stop pleasuring him, for one. For two, refuse to sleep in those nasty stank sheets. God I am so revolted for you. He sounds like a pig--or if he's generally not, he sure is acting like one.

Link to post
Share on other sites

People like to blame laziness on depression, but I dont buy that. Lazy at his age isnt going to change. Cut him loose unless you’re willing to put up with no sex and a partner so lazy he is willing to sleep in filth, not to mention expecting you to sleep in it too.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
May I ask is he overweight? .... My last ex was overweight/lazy and would only have sex with me on top doing all the work. He acted as though his telling me to get my vibrator going because he was about to cum was him being a participant. We didnt last long.

I had an ex like this too, except he was skinny. All of his exes dumped him and he never understood why.

 

Why does this guy not have a washer?

Edited by snowcones
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...