Pinkunicorn Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 I am unsure what to do. My partner and I have been together for 6 years and have been married for 1.a few years ago I found messages between them and a ex. They explained that the ex had reached out and there was nothing to it. I dismissed because I believed. About a year ago.. maybe a little longer I found messages on my partners phone. There were notifications from an app called kik that caught my eye. I found sexy messages between my partner and other people. My partner admitted to messaging people but said nothing happened. I believed A month ago we were waiting for a package.the delivery person had my partners phone number and they were passed out. They got a text so I checked the phone so I cpuld ensure we did not miss the package. While there I was some texts that caught my eye. So again I crept. I found two text convos that caught my eye. One of the messages spoke of meeting up. There was mention of a place near where this person lived. We fought about it but in the end I forgave again. The reason I was given was it was exciting to message people but there was never a met up. There was no cheating. My partner promised not to message online anymore. Today my partner was passed out and I looked at their phone because I saw an email that caught my eye.my partner is on a site for dating. I see some mesaages from a week or so ago. There is nothing sexual but there was one chat of meeting. I'm unsure what to do. I love my partner but if I believe this time... well.... shame on me. I'm unsure what to do. Should I confront about it. I don't go on their phone often but after the last time I can't help myself. I know I did something wrong by looking but if they asked to go through mine I would give it over.i have nothing to hide. Tia Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 a few years ago I found messages between them and a ex. Just so I rule out any unusual living situation, you only have one partner, right? Pinkunicorn, you have a well-chosen username, because there's a better chance of finding one of those mythical - and color specific - creatures than there is of having a faithful partner under these circumstances. Your partner has repeatedly proven there's no interest in monogamy - and that's just the times you've discovered the conversations. What about the ones you don't know about? Kik is an app often used for hook-ups so its use is further bad news, as if you need it. I'd guess you've effectively been in an open relationship for several years now. Up to you where you want to go from here... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 Is this a gay relationship? Just wondering because you went to a lot of trouble to be gender nonspecific. Anyway you're being way too forgiving. Why bother confronting? He or she will simply put you off with "it was nothing" and you'll believe and forgive again because you lack the required backbone that is necessary to put a stop to it once and for all. Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 I don’t know why but I’m really distracted by the genderlessness, too. But, whatever gender they are, I wouldn’t trust anything they say. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 I don’t know why but I’m really distracted by the genderlessness, too. Because it's rather odd? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pinkunicorn Posted October 25, 2018 Author Share Posted October 25, 2018 Sorry about being vague. We're a straight couple, I am female. I confronted him about it but he said he did not create the account but I saw recent mesaages. Nothing was sexual but given the past I am unsure what to think. I really do feel that he is looking for a more open relationship. I would be down to try this if he suggested it but we have never discussed it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 Pink, you saw the messages.. he is looking to meet up with another woman.. CHEAT on you... Time to kick him to the curb and quick.. think of all the stuff he has kept hidden that you haven't seen. and forget about the threesome.. that isn't going to fix this.. only a breakup will. oh... and HE DID create the account.. duh... Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 (edited) I really do feel that he is looking for a more open relationship. I would be down to try this if he suggested it but we have never discussed it If this is true, what is stopping your from asking the question and starting the conversation? Just know, open relationships only work when there is trust, honesty, and open communication between both partners. You have none of these things right now. And beware - once you open that Pandora’s box, it may be difficult to close it again. Edited October 25, 2018 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 Nothing was sexual but given the past I am unsure what to think. Why on earth would he be chatting these women up? You are heavily in denial over what's going on. S I really do feel that he is looking for a more open relationship. I would be down to try this if he suggested it but we have never discussed it Since he hasn't been honest about anything to this point, what makes you think he'd act transparently in the set-up? Wake up... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 I love my partner but if I believe this time... well.... shame on me. Good to see you're finally seeing the light. You've caught this guy over and over and over and over and over and over and have continually believed the ridiculous stories he's told you about never meeting up with anyone. If you believe that he's never cheated on you, then I have some oceanfront property in Colorado I'd like to sell you. I can only imagine all he's gotten away with that you haven't found on his phone. Not everything is done via the phone. Long before cell phones were ever invented, serial cheaters like your husband were managing just FINE to get themselves plenty of side action in real time. The texting you saw is likely the preamble to the eventual phone call he had with these women where they discussed meeting up and made their final plans. So there wouldn't be a text outlining their meeting plans. Too many wives today actually think that just because they didn't find any texts with concrete plans to meet up then by gosh and by golly, it must not have happened. That's naive at best. The reason he hasn't brought up an open marriage is because he wants to do all the screwing around on the side while you sit at home - untouched by anyone - doing his laundry and thinking about other ways to please him. He probably has no interest in an open marriage - unless it's only open on HIS end. This guy's a real prince. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Carpe Diem Posted October 27, 2018 Share Posted October 27, 2018 Please see a therapist who specializes in self esteem and the affects of long term emotional abuse. Something inside of you is broken so that you cannot feel your own worth as a human being. It is obvious that your husband has and is continuing to have multiple affairs. But you know this and continue to stay and say “I forgave him again.” You then ask for advice on internet advice columns where everyone gives you the exact same advice but you just loop back to ‘do nothing, gather more evidence, feel bad, post on-line.....’ As Dr Phil continually quotes “Nothing changes if nothing changes.” Link to post Share on other sites
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