Rotn'roses Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 After reading these online posts in marriage, affairs, and seperation, I wonder why I ever wanted to marry a single man I met. It sounds scary and sad. I do not think I am cut out for it in these times. The world is so lost. Even I am many times. God bless those of you who make it work. I think I am done reading here. It makes me sad. No judgies. Just saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Artdeco Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 I don’t blame you. Even though I love my boyfriend, I am equally reluctant to get m - ever. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 I've never been married, never will get married, have had a fantastic life and dated a lot of women. I've enjoyed some great adventures, been nomadic most of my life and retired early. Nothing wrong with staying single, in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
shydad Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 After reading these online posts in marriage' date=' affairs, and seperation, I wonder why I ever wanted to marry a single man I met. It sounds scary and sad.[/quote'] Hi Rotn'roses, keep in mind these are people who come here for support while trying to get through tough times. It doesn't mean their lives are ruined and that they won't get past this. I was devastated after my marriage failed, and emotionally destroyed for two years. Seriously though, being married is totally awesome. I plan to be married again. Life is way too short to worry about "what if it doesn't work". Yea, there will be rough spots, but this is what communicating with your partner, counselors, family, and a supportive community (the people here) is for. My marriage was a total train wreck, but after the bad memories faded away, all I'm left with is goodness, and an intense eagerness for another chance at love. Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 Marriage isn't for everyone. It's certainly hard work. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 Marriage isn't for everyone. It's certainly hard work. Not for me but I feel like I won the marriage lottery. If I never met her I would be happy being single if I had to have the kind of marriage many people have. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted October 23, 2018 Share Posted October 23, 2018 Curious OP - do you want kids, a family and all of that? Somethings take a big commitment, willingness to work through adversity etc. As for "marriage today" the divorce rate is actually plummeting. Millennials and Gen x are bucking the trends set by the Boomers. For instance my dad has been married 3 times, divorced twice. My mother was married and divorced 5 times. By contrast, my brother has been married for 25 years, sister for 20, step sister for 17, step brother for 15, and I have been with my husband for 18 years now (all first marriages) Has it all been a walk in the park? No, but it's been worth it. I am not sure single life, or serial relationships are any easier. That said, marriage certainly isn't for anyone, and in todays world there are less and less legal and financial reasons to get married. But I think if someone wants children, they should put a priority on finding a partner that will be mutually committed to parenting, and demonstrating a healthy relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted October 23, 2018 Share Posted October 23, 2018 This is a site where people come for help during tough times, it's not a reflection on a whole concerning marriage. I've been with my wife almost 30 years the good outweighs the bad by far. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 23, 2018 Share Posted October 23, 2018 Curious OP - do you want kids, a family and all of that? Somethings take a big commitment, willingness to work through adversity etc. As for "marriage today" the divorce rate is actually plummeting. Millennials and Gen x are bucking the trends set by the Boomers. For instance my dad has been married 3 times, divorced twice. My mother was married and divorced 5 times. By contrast, my brother has been married for 25 years, sister for 20, step sister for 17, step brother for 15, and I have been with my husband for 18 years now (all first marriages) Has it all been a walk in the park? No, but it's been worth it. I am not sure single life, or serial relationships are any easier. That said, marriage certainly isn't for anyone, and in todays world there are less and less legal and financial reasons to get married. But I think if someone wants children, they should put a priority on finding a partner that will be mutually committed to parenting, and demonstrating a healthy relationship. The divorce is plummeting because the marriage rate is. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted October 23, 2018 Share Posted October 23, 2018 The divorce is plummeting because the marriage rate is. Nope, I am not talking about gross numbers, but rather percentage of marriages that end in divorce. Perhaps less people are getting married, but the ones that do get married are staying married at a greater rate. When I am not on a phone I suppose I could pull up all of the statistics on it (statistics was one of the few mathematic classes I truly loved while studying sociology). Here is some reading: https://www.google.com/amp/amp.timeinc.net/time/5405757/millennials-us-divorce-rate-decline http://Https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.theatlantic.com/amp/article/571282/ Basically, while boomers got married young, and over and over.... Millennials are waiting, until they are more mature, have an education and a career. All markers that point to higher success in marriage. By contrast, there are demographics that are marrying less. Namely those in worse economic situations, those without a college education, those having children before marriage. Which are all situations that historically led to higher divorce. So - those that are marrying are better equipped to have a successful marriage, while those who are not marrying would have had a higer probability of divorce. The trend is those who are choosing marriage tend to be better prepared for it, while those in a less successful demographic as it pertains to marriage are skipping it all together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted October 23, 2018 Share Posted October 23, 2018 Not for me but I feel like I won the marriage lottery. If I never met her I would be happy being single if I had to have the kind of marriage many people have. When I speak of the work involved in marriage, I am talking about the inevitable conflicts and difficulties which come with sharing your life with another person. Nobody has a perfect marriage regardless of how happy they are. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted October 23, 2018 Share Posted October 23, 2018 I've been with my wife almost 30 years the good outweighs the bad by far. Please report back in 10 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 23, 2018 Share Posted October 23, 2018 When I speak of the work involved in marriage, I am talking about the inevitable conflicts and difficulties which come with sharing your life with another person. Nobody has a perfect marriage regardless of how happy they are. Any two people living under the same roof will sometime get on each other's nerves but we get along very well. Our friends envy our marriage and we project to the world is actually what we are. Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted October 23, 2018 Share Posted October 23, 2018 People don't come to a place like this to talk about how happy their marriage is. They come to a place like this because they need help with a problem, so naturally, all you will see is negative things talked about here. You have to realize where you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrschaney Posted October 24, 2018 Share Posted October 24, 2018 Dont be scared of marriage. Its the best thing that ever happened to me. We’ve been together 6 years, married 3, and have yet to have a fight or any unpleasantness. Just a happy life together. Link to post Share on other sites
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