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My partner’s mess is driving me INSANE


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Old 12th August 2018, 8:04 PM   #1
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My partner’s mess is driving me INSANE

I have been with my partner for 14 years. 5 years ago we bought a home together and I had one concern/reservation – that he was going to turn it into a storage facility. He told me to relax, trust him and that everything would be OK. It’s not OK.

He has a full time job but runs a business from home on the side, selling things online.

His “stock” began with a few containers in our second bedroom but it now covers the bed, every spare bit of floor space has a container, packing material, a bag or cardboard box and the stacks of this almost reach the roof.

It is in every other room of our house as well. Containers sit in our living room. Stock lines our bookcases. Cardboard boxes block entry to our linen cupboard.

Every time I bring it up with him he doesn’t want to hear about it. He calls me a nag and tells me to stop pressuring him and that he’ll get to it.

He works hard at it but at the end of the day it is a choice. We are not struggling financially. He does it because he enjoys the community and the hobby, but still manages to make me feel ungrateful whenever I bring it up, telling me some guys are “bashing their girlfriend’s heads against the wall every night” as if I should somehow accept and even be thankful that this is all I have to deal with.

It is dangerous and embarrassing. I don’t ever want anyone to come over. I feel suffocated and depressed in my own home. I don’t know what to do if he keeps shutting me out like this. I can’t continue to live in this mess and I feel like he's being SO unfair and inconsiderate.
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Old 12th August 2018, 8:07 PM   #2
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If you own one half the home, somehow you have to force him to listen to you about this. It's your house too. Some places should be designated for the business but not everything. A partner who won't compromise is no partner. Perhaps it's time to put the house up for sale.
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Old 12th August 2018, 8:09 PM   #3
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He needs to get a storage facility!
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Old 12th August 2018, 8:20 PM   #4
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Indeed. A storage facility or move it down into the basement... He needs a designated space to store his “stuff” where you can close the door and it will not intrude on the rest of your living space.

If he can’t see the compromise in this plan, then he’s not being very reasonable...
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Old 12th August 2018, 9:11 PM   #5
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Sounds like he's very stubborn and is not going to change. From where I'm sitting, you have to figure out if this is a hill to die on.

I looked over your history and it looks like you've been unhappy with him for a very long time. A couple of years ago you were ready to leave him. What happened to make you stay? You're still a young woman and you're with a selfish old guy who's a hoarder, a slob, and thinks that his behaviour is OK because he's not bashing your head against a wall.

Why are you still with him? Serious question.
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Old 13th August 2018, 1:59 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Onionskin View Post
I have been with my partner for 14 years. 5 years ago we bought a home together and I had one concern/reservation – that he was going to turn it into a storage facility. He told me to relax, trust him and that everything would be OK. It’s not OK.
Your post isn't about him, I'd guess over the course of 14 years together you've had time to understand his approach to organization and storage. And he doesn't seem open to compromise or change.

So the post is really about you and, having dealt with this for years, what your choices are. Given his inability to adjust to your needs, what outcome do you want?

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