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No trust left, not sure if I should divorce


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 7th October 2018, 12:01 AM   #46
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I haven't talked about my daughter because its painful too. And she isn't the problem.
No one said she was the problem. People are just voicing their concern that a young child has already experienced such instability in her life.

You seem to only want to focus on things that you cannot really control. Whether or not your father said he was going to give you money is immaterial. It would've been helpful, no doubt, but you are not entitled to it. Ultimately, it didn't pan out, so you can't keep focusing on it. It's likely obsessing on how you didn't win the lottery or something.

I know you're not happy with some of the responses you're getting. You have to understand that your posting history, which details years of blaming everyone else for your own problems, has probably made a lot of people wary of taking you at face value.

Your circumstances are not ideal, but you're stoking the flames by perpetually playing the helpless victim who has no say in her own life.
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Old 7th October 2018, 7:12 PM   #47
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Originally Posted by Sugarkane View Post
I haven't talked about my daughter because its painful too. And she isn't the problem.

By the time I found out I was pregnant it was too late to consider options, but keeping her.


Even when I did have severe post natal depression, I would NEVER abuse or neglect her. Plus my in laws were too controlling to leave me alone with my child.

I was sick of being threatened and verbally abused by their controlling daughter. So I went to stay at my parents. They didn't like that and made huge promises and used my husband to get me to come back. Soon after that, while living with they filed for custody.
Your husband's parents can't just take away your child

Only the court can and only if there's been neglect or abuse on your part

You found out too late in the pregnancy to opt for termination but...there's always birth control and condoms

Lot's of excuses and deflections here
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Old 18th October 2018, 11:11 AM   #48
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I had post natal depression when I had my daughter. There was never neglect or abuse.


Obviously birth control isn't 100% affective and my daughter is proof of that.
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Originally Posted by Disillusionment373 View Post
Your husband's parents can't just take away your child

Only the court can and only if there's been neglect or abuse on your part

You found out too late in the pregnancy to opt for termination but...there's always birth control and condoms

Lot's of excuses and deflections here
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Old 18th October 2018, 11:13 AM   #49
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So what do I do about my dads blatant lying and gaslighting? Also bragging about not taking us on the holiday and as I said my WHOLE EXTENDED FAMILY ALL WENT (as my uncle and aunt actually shared with my cousins). Who wouldn't be pissed off?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blanco View Post
No one said she was the problem. People are just voicing their concern that a young child has already experienced such instability in her life.

You seem to only want to focus on things that you cannot really control. Whether or not your father said he was going to give you money is immaterial. It would've been helpful, no doubt, but you are not entitled to it. Ultimately, it didn't pan out, so you can't keep focusing on it. It's likely obsessing on how you didn't win the lottery or something.

I know you're not happy with some of the responses you're getting. You have to understand that your posting history, which details years of blaming everyone else for your own problems, has probably made a lot of people wary of taking you at face value.

Your circumstances are not ideal, but you're stoking the flames by perpetually playing the helpless victim who has no say in her own life.
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Old 18th October 2018, 11:15 AM   #50
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Got my husband wanting me to cut off my dad and always arguing this everyday. While my in laws used my husband against me, so that we would come back and they then filed for custody.
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Old 18th October 2018, 11:18 AM   #51
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I actually do live on my own.

I only expected my parents to share because they PROMISED in the first place. Is that so hard not expect someone to actually keep a promise? Considering my dad likes to make out that he's a good guy.

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Originally Posted by pepperbird View Post
<SNIP>
I don't understand why you feel so entitled to what you parents have. You mentioned they had a couple of inheritances and used them for themselves rather than given the money to you. You sound as if you are honestly shocked that they didn't just fork it over.

<SNIP>

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 18th October 2018 at 11:23 AM..
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Old 18th October 2018, 12:55 PM   #52
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Originally Posted by Sugarkane View Post
So what do I do about my dads blatant lying and gaslighting? Also bragging about not taking us on the holiday and as I said my WHOLE EXTENDED FAMILY ALL WENT (as my uncle and aunt actually shared with my cousins). Who wouldn't be pissed off?
Again, your focus is warped. You keep going on and on about how everyone is failing you. No, YOU are failing you.

Your anger should be towards the fact that you have lost custody of your child. The fact that you can't provide for her. The fact that you made mistakes in your life that are affecting you today. Stop being mad at the world and start focusing internally on what you need to do to make your life better.

You said your father is a toxic man but you're surprised and upset that he isn't acting fairly. Stop looking at his behavior and start looking at your own. The only person you can depend on is yourself. I learned that at 19. So stop pointing fingers at who did what and point the finger at yourself.

Find a job regardless of your husband's objections.
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Last edited by Zahara; 18th October 2018 at 12:58 PM..
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Old 19th October 2018, 9:56 PM   #53
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Originally Posted by Sugarkane View Post
I had post natal depression when I had my daughter. There was never neglect or abuse.


Obviously birth control isn't 100% affective and my daughter is proof of that.
Postpartum depression isn't a reason (in the eyes of the law) to remove a child from it's mother

Plenty of Moms have postpartum depression and keep their children

Only in cases of abuse or neglect are kids taken away
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Old 19th October 2018, 10:20 PM   #54
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Originally Posted by Sugarkane View Post
So what do I do about my dads blatant lying and gaslighting? Also bragging about not taking us on the holiday and as I said my WHOLE EXTENDED FAMILY ALL WENT (as my uncle and aunt actually shared with my cousins). Who wouldn't be pissed off?
Cut him off. It's pretty clear that you don't like or respect him, so continue your life without him.
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Old 27th October 2018, 6:05 PM   #55
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You say your husband is on the Spectrum, have you ever considered that you yourself may be as well?

Your level of writing, thinking and self reflection is not indicative of a 31 year old.

When I read your posts you come across as a pentulant, teenage girl with one-track thinking and no ability to take both advice and/or responsibility.

It is possible you may have a personality disorder that is undiagnosed? Getting help with serious psychiatric conditions can allow you to move past a lifetime and litany of people from teachers, to bosses, to family, to friends etc. That have all done you wrong and caused all your grief.

P.S. please don’t respond with how your father has done you wrong by not giving you money and enjoying his trip to Europe. (Rubbing it in your face.)
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Old 10th December 2018, 12:25 AM   #56
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No I'm not on the Spectrum.


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Originally Posted by Carpe Diem View Post
You say your husband is on the Spectrum, have you ever considered that you yourself may be as well?

Your level of writing, thinking and self reflection is not indicative of a 31 year old.

When I read your posts you come across as a pentulant, teenage girl with one-track thinking and no ability to take both advice and/or responsibility.

It is possible you may have a personality disorder that is undiagnosed? Getting help with serious psychiatric conditions can allow you to move past a lifetime and litany of people from teachers, to bosses, to family, to friends etc. That have all done you wrong and caused all your grief.

P.S. please donít respond with how your father has done you wrong by not giving you money and enjoying his trip to Europe. (Rubbing it in your face.)
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Old 10th December 2018, 12:26 AM   #57
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Well that's the reason. At the end of the day, I've got the report, you don't.

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Cut him off. It's pretty clear that you don't like or respect him, so continue your life without him.
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Old 10th December 2018, 12:29 AM   #58
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Problem is I've got my husband going on and on about my dad lying EVERYDAY for the last 2 YEARS. He harasses me asking why he did it, but I don't know why because he (my dad) never explains himself. My husband emails my dad and my dad never answers.


My dad seemed to get off saying that he needed to help my sister overseas for 8 weeks- who actually didn't need help at all and is doing a working visa/ holiday.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Zahara View Post
Again, your focus is warped. You keep going on and on about how everyone is failing you. No, YOU are failing you.

Your anger should be towards the fact that you have lost custody of your child. The fact that you can't provide for her. The fact that you made mistakes in your life that are affecting you today. Stop being mad at the world and start focusing internally on what you need to do to make your life better.

You said your father is a toxic man but you're surprised and upset that he isn't acting fairly. Stop looking at his behavior and start looking at your own. The only person you can depend on is yourself. I learned that at 19. So stop pointing fingers at who did what and point the finger at yourself.

Find a job regardless of your husband's objections.
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Old 10th December 2018, 12:34 AM   #59
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Everyone has given you plenty of good advice. What exactly are you looking for?
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Old 10th December 2018, 6:13 AM   #60
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Originally Posted by Sugarkane View Post
Well that's the reason. At the end of the day, I've got the report, you don't.
I advised you to cut your dad out of your life and you respond with this.

What report are you talking about and how is it connected to cutting/not cutting off your father?
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