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Are they just friends?


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Old 17th July 2018, 9:17 PM   #1
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Are they just friends?

I've recently found out that my husband befriended a girl nearly a year ago and he has never mentioned her to me. I met her a few weeks ago at his work place. She doesn't work there but even though she's married with kids she has started to pay him visits daily after she requested
His services, bringing her kids too. Her husband is abroad with work most of the time. After a while I found out that they actually know each other pretty well, she knows my husband's daily routine, what he likes and sometimes buy him drinks. ( the very one he likes). When I asked him who she is he just told me that she's a girl living nearby his work place and that she just passes by daily but mostly to talk with my mother in law. She does spend time with her indeed.
Yet they seem very close and natural together, they know a great deal about each other and they have each other's numbers.
What worries me is the fact that He failed to mention to me a new female friend whom he sees daily.
Could they like each other more than in a friendly way?

Last edited by Lisa1985; 17th July 2018 at 10:05 PM..
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Old 17th July 2018, 10:14 PM   #2
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Could they like each other more than in a friendly way?
Absolutely.

I do believe that women and men can be friends. But, I would be suspicious of the fact that he has never mentioned this growing "friendship." Her husband is absent, and she is coming around far too often... It's time to have a discussion with your husband about boundaries.

His response to your discussion will tell you a lot. For, he who has nothing to hide, hides nothing.
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Old 17th July 2018, 10:22 PM   #3
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Not to be a doomsayer, but given everything you have noticed they are not just friends. I'd say at a minimum there is an emotional affair, how is your relationship with your husband been lately? I would suggest communicating to him your fears and questioning him as to why he had never mentioned her before. If you can't do that or are massively afraid of confrontation, you could try to organize activities in which you all spend time together, few cheaters want the OP and their spouse to have frequent contact, and you could also gauge how they interact. Even if they are just friends there is a serious problem that he has never mentioned her to you, who does not tell their spouse about their friends, especially one whom knows him that well.
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Old 17th July 2018, 10:45 PM   #4
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Not to be a doomsayer, but given everything you have noticed they are not just friends. I'd say at a minimum there is an emotional affair, how is your relationship with your husband been lately? I would suggest communicating to him your fears and questioning him as to why he had never mentioned her before. If you can't do that or are massively afraid of confrontation, you could try to organize activities in which you all spend time together, few cheaters want the OP and their spouse to have frequent contact, and you could also gauge how they interact. Even if they are just friends there is a serious problem that he has never mentioned her to you, who does not tell their spouse about their friends, especially one whom knows him that well.
That's exactly what I did. Been going to visit him at work in the evening. As always she was there too with her little kid. That's how I learnt so many things and notice how familiar she was with my husband and my mother in law. For the first two days my mother in law would mention her all the time, my husband started mention her at home too on various situation involving other friends.
It was all too sudden, like this moment I didn't know she even existed and then she was like part of the family.
After a couple of weeks I finally confronted my husband and told him that I don't like the fact that he's never mentioned her before or that they are so familiar with each other .
He wanted to sort things out and insisted that he would never do anything wrong. That she's just around to spend the time and that he hardly spends any time with her because he s busy.
Yet, my mother in law has been telling me how she spent 3 hours next to him whole he was working or how she'll pay him visits on winter too, alone while leaving her baby with her older kid.
My mother in law is very straightforward and doesn't suspect anything between them as far as I noticed and she also likes her.
That makes me feel more like an outsider and I still find this friendship awkward.
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Old 17th July 2018, 11:06 PM   #5
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Call me crazy, but nobody comes around to visit with me when I'm working... Why are they allowing this to continue? It makes no sense - are they not busy with work? Does she have nothing better to do with her time?

She is totally overstepping her boundaries here... and I'm not sure why they allow it. If they want to visit, invite her over to dinner in your home, when you are present.
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Old 18th July 2018, 1:11 AM   #6
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You should pay close attention to your husbands actions, if he has been acting differently, going out more, and been acting secretive with his phone, computer, and actions. There might be more going on, however if he is doing none of that and not frequently talking to her in private it seems more like she is pursuing him. It is possible he is innocently believing that they were just friends while she is pursuing him... in that case it is important to communicate to him that you believe she has a larger intention and that it isn't appropriate for her to be spending that much time with him. The only thing I can hammer in is the importance of communication, if he is innocent and caring he will try to assure you, and if not he will be purely dismissive, angry or combatitive... as someone who just went through the worst possible outcome this is what I've learned
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Old 21st July 2018, 5:37 PM   #7
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I wonder what her husband thinks of this, can you get in touch with and strike up a friendship with him?
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Old 21st July 2018, 7:03 PM   #8
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Call me crazy, but nobody comes around to visit with me when I'm working... Why are they allowing this to continue? It makes no sense - are they not busy with work? Does she have nothing better to do with her time?

She is totally overstepping her boundaries here... and I'm not sure why they allow it. If they want to visit, invite her over to dinner in your home, when you are present.
Since the OP mentioned that her mother-in-law is also there I suspect that this is some sort of family run business where her husband doesn't actually answer to anyone.

OP this is not appropriate and you know it in your gut. What is your relationship like with your in-laws? I'm surprised that your mother in-law is witnessing this and is okay with it. Just who is running this business? Its not normal to visit someone everyday at their workplace. Its totally unprofessional, especially when the person being visited is married and of the opposite sex. No, no, no. This should not be allowed to continue.
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