BettyDraper Posted June 25, 2018 Share Posted June 25, 2018 My husband and I have an age gap of nearly 10 years. I'm in my mid thirties. I have always preferred older men for many reasons. I think my husband looks like a sexy and distinguished silver fox. My hubby has a full beard which has a lot of white in it and he shaves his head. I'm sharing this information to give some context to my issue. I'm tired of people asking how old my husband is or how many years are between us. I look younger than my age so I understand how that could be a factor. I know that I shouldn't care what others think about my marriage but questions about my husband's age are irritating. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted June 25, 2018 Share Posted June 25, 2018 13 years between me and my husband, and like you, I have always preferred dating older men. I've learned to deflect annoying questions by telling people I'm his sweet young thing. Or his trophy wife, since I'm Mrs. #3 (and the only one that outlasted the combined less-than-three-years he was married to the others ... by a LONG SHOT). the only time I've ever heard him mentioning that it bothered him was when he used my car (a neon green Beetle) to go to the bank, and the girl asked him if he was driving his young daughter's car. I believe he told her it was his "young wife's" car 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BettyDraper Posted June 25, 2018 Author Share Posted June 25, 2018 I love the way you handle the comments! Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 25, 2018 Share Posted June 25, 2018 Not only irritating, but rude too. You could always try something along the lines of "hasn't anyone told you that it's rude to enquire about matters relating to a woman's age?". Or the good old "why do you ask?" Some people are far too nosy. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 25, 2018 Share Posted June 25, 2018 I think my husband looks like a sexy and distinguished silver fox. My hubby has a full beard which has a lot of white in it and he shaves his head. I'm sharing this information to give some context to my issue. I'm tired of people asking how old my husband is or how many years are between us. I look younger than my age so I understand how that could be a factor. I know that I shouldn't care what others think about my marriage but questions about my husband's age are irritating. I'm about 10 years older than my wife and well into grey/silver. I usually answer "old enough to have a young wife" and let them figure it out from there... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BettyDraper Posted June 25, 2018 Author Share Posted June 25, 2018 I'm about 10 years older than my wife and well into grey/silver. I usually answer "old enough to have a young wife" and let them figure it out from there... Mr. Lucky I adore the silver look! It adds a certain patina to a man....I even have a Pinterest board filled with handsome men with silver hair. Do you get a lot of rude questions as well? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 26, 2018 Share Posted June 26, 2018 Do you get a lot of rude questions as well? I do, but they don't bother me. Even I'm not quite sure how I got her to choose me. I've always had a beard and was pretty grey/silver at a young age so some of it goes with the territory. I was 48 when my youngest was born and got a lot of "is that your grandson" when out with him. I usually replied "no, he's actually my love child" and that normally ended the conversation... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TheRainbow Posted June 26, 2018 Share Posted June 26, 2018 There is eleven years between my husband and I. I'm 32 and he is 43. I've always been told I looked younger than my age. I got ID up until last year. My husband in the last few years has aged. He is a great looking man, but he looks like he around 40, but closer to mid-thirties if he is cleaned shaven, and wearing t-shirt and jeans. So we do get "looks" and they ask how old he is all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted June 27, 2018 Share Posted June 27, 2018 Why are you bothered Betty, tell them something outrageous to shock the intruders and move on I'm like you never been attracted to young men (I generally also form friendships almost exclusively with people at least 10-20 years older than me, with rare exceptions). My BF is 14 years older than me, getting the looks but it's never clear is it the age difference, the fact we're from different race, the bunch of dogs we walk with us every time, the fact I'm almost always in dress/heels and he can't care less about dressing up etc etc. I looove the puzzled looks and they give us, and it makes up for many juicy conversations afterwards . I guess people just are drawn to differences being in age or anything else and like to express curiocity, sometimes friendly, sometimes hostile. Who cares - let them My husband and I have an age gap of nearly 10 years. I'm in my mid thirties. I have always preferred older men for many reasons. I think my husband looks like a sexy and distinguished silver fox. My hubby has a full beard which has a lot of white in it and he shaves his head. I'm sharing this information to give some context to my issue. I'm tired of people asking how old my husband is or how many years are between us. I look younger than my age so I understand how that could be a factor. I know that I shouldn't care what others think about my marriage but questions about my husband's age are irritating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted June 27, 2018 Share Posted June 27, 2018 You know my story, Betty. I was with a woman 13 years older than me for 13 years. As a guy I used to get all the "you're dating a cougar" comments. I used to say "I'm dating who I want, age is just a number." The thing was I could always look 5 years older than what I was, especially when I was younger, because of my Mediterranean heritage. My ex always has looked youghful, so 5 years younger. People couldn't believe the age gap when they found out. Now I'm with someone my own age, who looks maybe 2 years younger than she is, but now also get told I look my age or even younger since I have no gray hair (I actually get asked if I color which I don't) and I have lost 30 pounds. So now I'm in a more conventional relationship, I don't have to worry anout these questions Not that I ever really cared anyway, but I do understand sometimes it's annoying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BettyDraper Posted June 27, 2018 Author Share Posted June 27, 2018 Why are you bothered Betty, tell them something outrageous to shock the intruders and move on I'm like you never been attracted to young men (I generally also form friendships almost exclusively with people at least 10-20 years older than me, with rare exceptions). My BF is 14 years older than me, getting the looks but it's never clear is it the age difference, the fact we're from different race, the bunch of dogs we walk with us every time, the fact I'm almost always in dress/heels and he can't care less about dressing up etc etc. I looove the puzzled looks and they give us, and it makes up for many juicy conversations afterwards . I guess people just are drawn to differences being in age or anything else and like to express curiocity, sometimes friendly, sometimes hostile. Who cares - let them A shocking reply could work wonders. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BettyDraper Posted June 27, 2018 Author Share Posted June 27, 2018 You know my story, Betty. I was with a woman 13 years older than me for 13 years. As a guy I used to get all the "you're dating a cougar" comments. I used to say "I'm dating who I want, age is just a number." The thing was I could always look 5 years older than what I was, especially when I was younger, because of my Mediterranean heritage. My ex always has looked youghful, so 5 years younger. People couldn't believe the age gap when they found out. Now I'm with someone my own age, who looks maybe 2 years younger than she is, but now also get told I look my age or even younger since I have no gray hair (I actually get asked if I color which I don't) and I have lost 30 pounds. So now I'm in a more conventional relationship, I don't have to worry anout these questions Not that I ever really cared anyway, but I do understand sometimes it's annoying. I do know your story and I'm so pleased for you. The key is having confidence in my decision to marry my husband and stop worrying about what rude fools say. Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted June 27, 2018 Share Posted June 27, 2018 I do know your story and I'm so pleased for you. The key is having confidence in my decision to marry my husband and stop worrying about what rude fools say. Thanks. The point of my post wasn't to talk about myself though. I'm just saying I understand the age gap well and the perception people have which dictates the things they say. If you're happy, who gives a damn what people say or think? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BettyDraper Posted June 28, 2018 Author Share Posted June 28, 2018 Thanks. The point of my post wasn't to talk about myself though. I'm just saying I understand the age gap well and the perception people have which dictates the things they say. If you're happy, who gives a damn what people say or think? I shouldn't care but I still find the comments quite rude. It's as if they are insulting my husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 28, 2018 Share Posted June 28, 2018 Tell them to mind their own business and worry about their own lives. If they were happy with their own life they wouldn't worry about yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted June 28, 2018 Share Posted June 28, 2018 I shouldn't care but I still find the comments quite rude. It's as if they are insulting my husband. Unfortunately you can't stop people from saying things. Especially in the case if you live in a more conservative area, each degree of deviation from the "norm" (traditional family values) will generally result in comments that range from a snide remark to a completely inappropriate comment. Rise above it an accept that it says a lot more about the individual making the comment than it does about you or your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Doorstopper Posted June 28, 2018 Share Posted June 28, 2018 Why are you bothered Betty, tell them something outrageous to shock the intruders and move on Just say: "he's actually 2 years younger than me" and watch their jaws drop! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted June 28, 2018 Share Posted June 28, 2018 A friend of mine, who was about 60 at the time ... has a knockout beautiful daughter, who was about 30 at the time. He used to go sports games with his daughter, and he and she are close and she would sometimes link her arm with his. My friend said he couldn't believe the looks they got. Took him a minute to figure out that people thought he was with his young "trophy" wife. Not sure what you can do ... Just enjoy the hell out of your relationship with your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BettyDraper Posted June 28, 2018 Author Share Posted June 28, 2018 Unfortunately you can't stop people from saying things. Especially in the case if you live in a more conservative area, each degree of deviation from the "norm" (traditional family values) will generally result in comments that range from a snide remark to a completely inappropriate comment. Rise above it an accept that it says a lot more about the individual making the comment than it does about you or your husband. This is very sage advice. I can only control my reaction to the behavior of others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BettyDraper Posted June 28, 2018 Author Share Posted June 28, 2018 A friend of mine, who was about 60 at the time ... has a knockout beautiful daughter, who was about 30 at the time. He used to go sports games with his daughter, and he and she are close and she would sometimes link her arm with his. My friend said he couldn't believe the looks they got. Took him a minute to figure out that people thought he was with his young "trophy" wife. Not sure what you can do ... Just enjoy the hell out of your relationship with your husband. Sad that your friend couldn't even be affectionate with her father without others staring. I do enjoy our relationship very much. Link to post Share on other sites
Garlend Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 My dad was 37 and my mother was 17 when they married with her mother's written consent. They stayed married for 44 years and raised two sons and a daughter together. I was once engaged to a 48-year-old woman when I was 32. It wasn't our age difference that kept us from making it to the altar though. It was her pregnant teen daughter, who was 'engaged', but refused to leave her comfortable nest with mommy dearest. And I was the hated stepfather figure. I then regularly dated an 18-year-old girl who wanted me yet still wanted her play time. So I quietly cut her loose and met my wife soon after... And then the teen twerp stalked us until she ended-up pregnant by someone else. I guess play time was over for her then rather she liked it or not. Ageism is just another 'ism' that really irks me. I'm a firm believer in twin flames who join faithfully together regardless of the age difference (as long as it's a legal age, of course). Link to post Share on other sites
Author BettyDraper Posted June 29, 2018 Author Share Posted June 29, 2018 My dad was 37 and my mother was 17 when they married with her mother's written consent. They stayed married for 44 years and raised two sons and a daughter together. I was once engaged to a 48-year-old woman when I was 32. It wasn't our age difference that kept us from making it to the altar though. It was her pregnant teen daughter, who was 'engaged', but refused to leave her comfortable nest with mommy dearest. And I was the hated stepfather figure. I then regularly dated an 18-year-old girl who wanted me yet still wanted her play time. So I quietly cut her loose and met my wife soon after... And then the teen twerp stalked us until she ended-up pregnant by someone else. I guess play time was over for her then rather she liked it or not. Ageism is just another 'ism' that really irks me. I'm a firm believer in twin flames who join faithfully together regardless of the age difference (as long as it's a legal age, of course). Age gaps can be worked through as long as each partner is prepared to deal with the challenges of being at different stages of life. I'm glad that you met your wife after some romantic disappointments. Is your wife the same age as you are? Link to post Share on other sites
Garlend Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 Age gaps can be worked through as long as each partner is prepared to deal with the challenges of being at different stages of life. I'm glad that you met your wife after some romantic disappointments. Is your wife the same age as you are? Yes. She just made the split with her boyfriend who wouldn't seek help for an alcohol addiction. We were both fully employed and had our own homes. After dating briefly, I asked her to marry me, and she moved in with me. After a two month engagement , we tied the knot in a memorable church ceremony. Frankly, we were both tired of the BS of getting together with cheaters, addicts, abusers, liars, deadbeats, lunatics, and those with ulterior motives... We were ready for each other. Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 My GF is... about 8 yrs older that me. But she looks younger than her age. But, I look a little younger than her, mostly because men my age (54) let themselves go way too much. We get looks trying to figure out who is youngest or oldest. But her friends seem to pat her on the back for having a "younger" man. I find the whole thing silly for the most part... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 I shouldn't care but I still find the comments quite rude. It's as if they are insulting my husband. You can answer with "why do you want to know?" That should tell them they are being too personal. Link to post Share on other sites
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