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fairness & early retirement


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I'm burned out. I want out. I do not want to work anymore. I have enough savings that I can have a moderate retirement until I can collect Social Security. DH would still work. He supplies the health insurance. When he retires he'll get a pension. By then between our 2 social security payments, his pension & my savings, we'd have a great retirement & that projection is based on us both living to 100. He enjoys his job. He wants to work until age 70. Because he's younger then me, I'd prefer he got out at the earliest time which for him would be 62.

 

The accountant said we could swing it but encouraged me to get a PT job to not be bored.

 

I promised DH I wouldn't quit until I paid off our house / mortgage which I can probably do in the next year.

 

Am I being selfish?

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Whether or not it's selfish depends entirely on what your husband's perspective is, I think. If he encourages you to quit and is fine with the prospect of you retiring early, it's not selfish. If he doesn't want you to, then a compromise might be in order.

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All he asked is that I pay off the mortgage with new money, not savings, before I hang it up.

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The mortgage thing sounds like a reasonable compromise. Marriage is about both partners being fulfilled in life and humans change throughout life. If you're 'burned out', that affects your health as a partner and that's important to the partnership. Money is nice, sure, but it's not the be all and end all of living. Ask anyone who's slaved away to get in the perfect financial shape then keeled over from a heart attack or withered away from cancer. Happens. Sometimes, for some people, the stress of making money contributes. Myself, I'd rather be a bit poorer and have a healthy and happy spouse to hug and kiss for many years to come. With a loving partnership, we'd always find a way. No doubt you will find the way that works best for you.

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If you can, you should. Pay off the house first. A year isn't long. I'm 65 and still regretfully working two jobs because I have no pensions, no savings, no nothing. i'll be working until I drop.

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Happy Lemming
All he asked is that I pay off the mortgage with new money, not savings, before I hang it up.

 

As a comparison, I didn't (early) retire until I had my home paid off, purchased a new (econo-box) car (for cash), and put a fair amount into savings for a rainy day.

 

I think your husband's requests are prudent and well thought out.

 

Just my two cents...

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It's not selfish if you can afford it. Will the two of you have to make any changes to your current lifestyle if you retire?

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I agree it’s a reasonable plan to pay off your mortgage first, which doesn’t seem hard to do according to your description. After that, would it be possible to take an extended break of, say, a couple of years to engage in some hobbies or to learn something new or just to travel. I understand how it’s like to feel burned out, but you might get bored down the road if you retire entirely.

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I can relate. I am only 46 and I don't want to work anymore. But I will continue to work.

 

I think paying off the mortgage and then retiring is a great plan. If both you and your husband sit down and agree on a plan that would work for both, why not do it?

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amaysngrace

I don't think it's selfish at all if you can afford it but what do you plan to do to occupy your time?

 

All those hours you won't be working can be hours of spending money if you aren't careful.

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Ruby Slippers

I'd certainly stop working for somebody else if I could afford to. I enjoy my work, but I could do a lot more with my time if I were free. Is it selfish? It could be argued either way. If finances are in order, why not? I'd be over the moon if I never had to work again. I'm sure I'd do my own creative projects and possibly make some money from that. But getting out of the daily grind would be heaven.

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Simple logic

 

How did you come up with that figure? Just curious.

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All he asked is that I pay off the mortgage with new money, not savings, before I hang it up.

 

 

In that case, given that he's on board with your plan and has worked out a compromise with you, I don't see why it would be selfish of you at all to go ahead. :)

 

 

Happy retirement! You've earned it.

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How did you come up with that figure? Just curious.

 

There are a number of online retirement calculators, most of which support Simple Logic's approximate number.

 

d0nnivain, how old are you now? If you're in your 50's - and will live to 100!, that's a lot of years of potential drain on your savings...

 

Mr. Lucky

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I am in my 50s DH is younger. I estimated living to 100 as the most conservative # I could realistically come up with. Certainly don't want to be caught short.

 

The money is in place, save for paying off the house with new funds not savings. We already own the retirement house outright (his mother lives in it rent free right now, so my generosity on that front is depriving us of an income stream) & we have income from another property.

 

75% of the retirement savings is "mine" because I never earned a pension. 25% is DH's because he will get a pension & throughout most of his life earned less than I did. As he continues to work, he will continue to sock money away in his 401k where I will stop contributing to retirement & start spending it.

 

We don't have kids so there is nobody for us to leave money to. I don't have siblings or bio nieces & nephews. On the off chance there was money left I wouldn't care if it went to his siblings & their kids but I'm certainly not going to think about them as I plan my retirement.

 

I'm not looking for financial advice. Our accountant confirmed that it's OK for me to retire. We will have enough, even if I wait until 70 to collect Social Security. I probably would not wait

 

I am wondering if it's fair for me to stop working while he continues to work. I don't want to be a drain. Living solely off savings, I would contribute about 40% of the household income if I stopped working while he'd contribute 60%. Some how that feels inequitable to me.

 

Generally DH's steady paycheck pays the routine household expenses: Mortgage, utilities, food, gas etc. Neither of us has car payments. He has student loans. My sporadic earnings pay the extras. I don't get paid often but when I get paid I get paid well. I pay for the vacations & the new cars. I paid to renovate the kitchen. My last big purchase was the retirement house; we paid cash. Actually, I also socked away $20k in a special account to do renovations on that house & have only spent about $10k so far: new roof, new awnings, some new furniture. I still need to redo the floors & repave the driveway.

 

My future contributions out of the early retirement savings would still be the fun stuff: vacations, going out to eat etc. His salary can easily accommodate our lifestyle.

 

Maybe the better way to phrase the Q is

 

Would you be resentful if you continued working when your spouse stopped?

 

Bear in mind, he LOVES his job & I hate mine. My job is taking a toll on my health. If he & I were not married, I would absolutely retire, no question, & move somewhere with lower taxes, a lower cost of living & better weather. The ONLY reason we are still here is because of DH's job which provides us with health insurance & will eventually supply a pension so he's not leaving. He does occasionally apply to be transferred but so far has not gotten any of those jobs in other states.

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Maybe the better way to phrase the Q is

 

Would you be resentful if you continued working when your spouse stopped?

 

In my situation, no, I haven't been. My wife was a teacher and was completely burned out by the time she was 50. I looked at the proposition selfishly - would my life be better absent her income but with a healthy, recharged spouse? It was an easy "yes" for us, helped by the fact I'm well-compensated in a field I enjoy. And as a SAHS, she's found other ways to contribute to our marriage. I'd guess your approach to that dynamic will go along way towards easing any misgivings...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Thanks Mr. Lucky . . . that helped.

 

Did your wife get a pension? I suppose I'd feel better if I had an income stream like that to contribute, rather then simply draining down the stockpile but that was always the point of the retirement savings because I always knew I'd never get a pension.

 

One of the things we talked about was buying some income property that I would then have time to manage.

 

I would absolutely want to find ways to contribute . . .little caring things like being better at the chores, always having a good meal ready, sending him off to work with a hot coffee (although he'd miss the guys at the deli) . . . you know kind of like the 50s housewife stereotype. lol

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CautiouslyOptimistic

If your husband supports you, I don't know why you shouldn't do this. You only live once, and it's awesome that you can retire early! I think as long as by you being retired it also makes your husband's life better, it's a win-win! :)

 

I'd love to retire early and just volunteer, make art, learn to cook new cuisines.....

 

*sigh*

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Thanks Mr. Lucky . . . that helped.

 

Did your wife get a pension? I suppose I'd feel better if I had an income stream like that to contribute, rather then simply draining down the stockpile but that was always the point of the retirement savings because I always knew I'd never get a pension.

 

One of the things we talked about was buying some income property that I would then have time to manage.

 

I would absolutely want to find ways to contribute . . .little caring things like being better at the chores, always having a good meal ready, sending him off to work with a hot coffee (although he'd miss the guys at the deli) . . . you know kind of like the 50s housewife stereotype. lol

 

Yes, she gets just under $1K a month. She spends that money on herself, the house, our kids and grandkids at her own discretion.

 

It's been nice for me because she's completely taken over the chores we used to split. Good feeling on my days off knowing I can relax and plan activities without much of a "to do" list. Win, win :) ...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Happy Lemming

 

Maybe the better way to phrase the Q is

 

Would you be resentful if you continued working when your spouse stopped?

 

Bear in mind, he LOVES his job ...

 

As long as your husband enjoys his job, I really don't see a problem with "Early Retirement"...

 

It would be "a horse of a different color" if he disliked his job and loathed going to work each day.

 

I vote... "Go for it" I love, love, love being retired, and on so many levels.

 

Everyone told me I would be bored, but that hasn't been the case. I'm exercising more, getting more work done on my home, reading more, exploring my surroundings... just having an all around positive experience.

 

I'm happy for you!! YEA!!

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Ruby Slippers
I am wondering if it's fair for me to stop working while he continues to work. I don't want to be a drain. Living solely off savings, I would contribute about 40% of the household income if I stopped working while he'd contribute 60%. Some how that feels inequitable to me.

I'm sure you'll be contributing in non-income ways. I don't sense you're the type to sit around eating bon-bons and watching soap operas all day. Though there's nothing wrong with some of that!

 

I think your root concern here is pulling your weight in the relationship. You can do that in many ways other than earning money.

 

Also, if early retirement isn't sitting well with you, you can always get back to working and making money. You can try it and see how it goes.

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georgia girl

I did something similar last year. I semi-retired before age 50. I was burnt out, exhausted and - truth be told - probably a lousy partner. I had tons of guilt about going first and so early, but I still work part time, from home and actually make really good money (I got lucky). It’s almost the same as I was making.

 

My husband refused to weigh in on my decision. I was a CEO and had rebuilt the company from scratch, so he didn’t want to unruly influence me to quit. His first words when I submitted my resignation, “Thank God,” quickly followed by “No take backs.” Like Mr. Lucky, he wanted his partner and friend back.

 

Almost a year on, it was absolutely the best decision I have ever made for myself. But for him? He tells me that he loves that I am not stressed. Because I have more time, I took over more “chores” from him - giving him more time. We eat better and healthier because I am not throwing meals together just to ward off starvation. I can rearrange my schedule easily when he wants to do something. I can run errands that used to stress us both out.

 

My point is that the guilt is real and I get it. But there are benefits for both of you that you have yet to realize. Your whole life changes and gets better in ways that you both can’t appreciate yet. But you will. Believe me, you will.

 

I say go for it. If you really feel guilty, work just a little bit longer and great a “mad money stash” to be used only in case of emergency.

 

Burnout in high stress jobs is real. You earned this chance. Go for it.

 

And PM me if you want to talk further. I worked through all of the guilt and now can’t believe it took me so long!

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One thought...

 

What would worry me is that if one of us retires much earlier we wouldn't have the same life style anymore. The retired one is free of stress with lots of time on their hands wanting to make plans together. The one still in the work place is stressed, busy, tired when he gets home, then one has all sorts of new things to talk about because he works and the retired one wouldn't have much exciting to contribute to the conversation except for the tomatoes finally growning in the garden.

 

What saves us is that we're both working and both exhausted after work. I cannot imagine one of us being full of energy at 8 pm. It would put our relationship in jeopardy lol

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You raise some good points Gaeta. DH is a night owl & he has energy after work. I'm the one who turns in early. After a few months I'm sure I'd get bored & find something to do, even volunteering that would keep me fresh.

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