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Have you ever had consensual sex when you did not want a relationship?


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 13th March 2018, 1:06 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by 4fin View Post
Popsicle,
I don't consider it rape either but when you know the person you love most was raped it can mess with your mind when you want to have sex and they do not. It's just different than when your in a relationship with no sexual abuse. I kept it in for 13-14 years and just dealt with it. No was no but that one night she sensed something was bothering me. I just told her that's fine and I'm not going to be like the son of a bitch that raped her. She assured me I wasn't and the discussion/compromise began.
Well I've never been raped so I don't have those problems.
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Old 13th March 2018, 6:32 PM   #17
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I botched my title. I meant it to be:
Have you ever had consensual sex when you did not want to in a marriage or relationship.
Funny thing is, that's exactly how I read it.

4fin, you and I have posted before about some of the similarities in our marriages. My wife is the same way, will do anything and everything to me sexually but seems to need to control what's done to her. So she often takes care of me but doesn't always want me to reciprocate even though it seems good for both of us when I do.

Strange problem to have...

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Old 13th March 2018, 7:50 PM   #18
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Yes. I've had it when I didn't want it.

In marriage and in a relationship.

I used to get woken up for sex by one BF and he wouldn't accept no for an answer. It's easier for me to call it non consensual sex than rape...but the truth is even though I said no....it still happened. He was much stronger than me and wouldn't let up.....jeez.... that's brought back memories from over 25 years ago.

I usually get into the mood and have a good time in the end...even when I haven't initially wanted to in marriage.
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Old 13th March 2018, 8:47 PM   #19
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In a LTR or marriage there will be times when either party is not really feeling it in the moment but will compromise to make the other person happy. That's totally fine and healthy up to a point. That point doesn't isn't always violence or physically holding someone down, but can be.
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Old 13th March 2018, 9:29 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by camillalev View Post
In a LTR or marriage there will be times when either party is not really feeling it in the moment but will compromise to make the other person happy. That's totally fine and healthy up to a point. That point doesn't isn't always violence or physically holding someone down, but can be.
Very true. But, it can just as often mean that you do it because the verbal and emotional repercussions if you don't are just as bad.
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Old 14th March 2018, 4:15 AM   #21
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Hi 4fin, I've read through your thread and although I have nothing meaningful to add to the topic itself I wanted to suggest something out of the ordinary for you and your wife to try to help her with her problem. I know that what I am about to suggest may seem corny or completely ridiculous to you but to quote a well known line from an Ethan Hunt movie 'Desperate times, desperate measures' maybe what's needed in your case.

What I want to suggest is that you look up the work of Dr. Brian Weiss who is a clinical psychiatrist and is Chairman Emeritus of Psychiatry at Mount Sinai Medical Center in Miami. He works in the field of regression therapy as part of his practice and has been able to help people with long standing psychiatric disorders including disorders like PTSD. The kind of psychological injury your wife sustained at the time of her date rape has probably never really been addressed in a therapeutic way leading her to suppress the resultant trauma and locking it away in a mental compartment forever. The only thing is that it does'nt remain locked away but spills out through her subconscious mind to modify her behaviour in present time. It is entirely up to you to try this or not but if you do then it may be beneficial to your wife and your marriage as a whole. You can Google Dr. Weiss to find out more.

What I did not add before is that Dr. Weiss practices regression therapy not only to take his patients back to an early time in their lives when something may have occurred to cause a psychological problem but he proceeds with regression to a past life of the patient. This is where you may think it is weird but, in fact, it is not really. If you keep an open mind on most subjects you may find this to be just what the doctor ordered. Warm wishes.

Last edited by Just a Guy; 14th March 2018 at 4:21 AM..
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