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Fiancee's mom wants to move in


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Old 9th March 2018, 8:59 AM   #31
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One way of telling her that might be hard for her to criticize is if you told her, Look, Sounds like this is not a good time for you to be getting marrried. You and your mom get her sorted out with a place to live, live with her if you want to for awhile, and we'll wait until you have her all set up and established in her new place before we get married and us two live together. We're not in any hurry.

This sounds perfectly reasonable and yet it will certainly get the message across that this is her job, not yours.
I really like this suggestion. It is not your responsibility to take care of her mom. My goodness, the next thing you know she will want other relatives from her country moving in. Put your foot down now and say no. Let her and her mom work this out on their own. I would not marry her until she gets her mom settled somewhere else.
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Old 9th March 2018, 6:15 PM   #32
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I would say no and mean it. You live with your parents as a child and adolescent...when do you get to live on your own if they follow after you get married.

If you allow it on a trial basis....she won't move out.

I would never live with my in-laws and I wouldn't want to live with my parents either.

I understand the cultural issues...but you need to be firm on this.
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Old 9th March 2018, 6:25 PM   #33
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This is a huge deal that should’ve been talked about a long time ago. Family moving in with you is going to completely change the dynamics of your relationship. I mean, I get it if family is in need, but this sounds like a very different situation. This needs to be resolved before the wedding.
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Old 11th March 2018, 4:05 PM   #34
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Originally Posted by bathtub-row View Post
This is a huge deal that should’ve been talked about a long time ago. Family moving in with you is going to completely change the dynamics of your relationship. I mean, I get it if family is in need, but this sounds like a very different situation. This needs to be resolved before the wedding.
Yeah, in need, and my answer to that just like it was with my cousin is "So what was the plan before she met you for her family to take care of themselves?" That is just BS. When the wife spent my cousin's insurance money while he was helpless in the hospital sending it off to her family and he later tried to justify her actions saying the mother had hospital bills (this was a place that had social medicine), I said, "So what was her plan to pay those bills BEFORE you lost your leg???" Grrr. The answer is they were never going to pay any hospital bills with it. Her own husband, on the other hand, did have hospital bills that money needed to be used for and prosthetics and alterations to his home for disabled.
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Old 12th March 2018, 8:03 AM   #35
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This should have been discussed when you guys were still dating..
Family issues are a pain in every relationship, if it was very important for your fiancé to have your MIL living with you, it was supposed to be discussed earlier.

It's pretty common in asian families to have the in laws or parents living together, however not everyone agrees with it.

I'm japanese, and my wife had asked me a few days later after I asked her out if I intended to move my parents over (good heavens, I have never wanted that), because she said she really liked me and wanted to set up her expectations regarding our future...
I said no and then asked the same :-)

I honestly can't see myself living with my parents or my in-laws...
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Old 12th March 2018, 10:39 AM   #36
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Hello friend, thanks for sharing here! I do agree with the fact that this is a decision that you need to make together! You cannot just set your foot on the ground and say "No" unless you are ready to see your FI say goodbye! Also, you have been living together for two years and, I think, that gives you a clear idea of the close relationship that your FI has with her family.
I do agree with the fact that you need to let her know how you feel and what you think about it, but also, you need to ask some questions: why does she want her mother living with you? if that was not an option, what would be a good alternative? what would you do if her mother gets sick, need help, financial support, etc? Before you say how you feel and make a decision, ask as many questions as you can and then, make a decision together! Keep the conversation honest but kind and remember that she loves you and her mother and wants the best for you both so be sensitive to that and try to understand her reasons while explaining yours and work on finding a place where you can both compromise bit are satisfied! Keep moving forward my friend!
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