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Wandering Eyes Will Cheat?


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 8th March 2018, 2:25 AM   #61
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No, I can’t live with it and emotionally I’m going through a checking out stage. Any signs of love she gives me gets a sarcastic reply. Every photo, memory is tainted by the huge smile and sexy eyes for other men. But I’m sure it’s the tip of the iceberg. Now I know why she always wears the skin tight leggings everywhere!!I’ve been gaslighted and I am aware of this thanks to many people on here.
Even yesterday she spoke 5 times to he ex... that’s more than she contacts me!
Holiday soon, it will not be a nightmare as I will just laugh and I will act the same myself. Not mature....but feels damn good!

I can see, by editing, two guys waving and blowing kisses in the reflection of her sunglasses. I can see the pupils of her eyes swiveling on me to check what I’m doing and then back to he guys with big smile. But she does not interact with men! Gaslight. Just how far would she go... now I fear it isn’t only flirting, which she does not do!! or has she been cheating?
So strung out...am I the only idiot in ignorance of a bigger situation? I fear so.

Last edited by Whitehart; 8th March 2018 at 6:08 AM..
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Old 8th March 2018, 6:41 AM   #62
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Wander

In fact...you can see him check me out, swivel back to her and she smiles even more. Sharing an “intimate the husband cannot see” moment. What have I married!?!
How can she look me in the face and say she loves me very much, that I’m the light of her life, her treasure.... ??? How !?????
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Old 8th March 2018, 7:00 AM   #63
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Hi Whitehart, instead of torturing yourself start taking steps to do something to rectify the situation. Try the 180 and start doing things on your own. Let your wife feel that you are moving on and that what she does or does not do is not of much concern to you. Once she finds you pulling away she will get the message. What she does after that will show what her future intentions are going to be. You, however, should not not work yourself into a frenzy over her actions. Think it over. Warm wishes.
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Old 8th March 2018, 7:25 AM   #64
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Thanks for the message.Do you mean not confront her. I tried and was gaslighted.


Or do I gaslight her...and pull away

My heart is empty and it feels like she had micro cheated...or worse

Last edited by Whitehart; 8th March 2018 at 7:49 AM..
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Old 8th March 2018, 7:56 AM   #65
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What he is saying is...

What he is saying is... start ignoring her.

What everyone is saying is that you are a doormat, read weak man, to your wife. Which make you even less attractive than you already are.

Just stop talking to her, ignore her, don't answer her texts or phone calls. Go out and don't tell her where you are going, find other things to do besides be with her.

But I disagree, I think you need to grow a pair and start the process of divorcing her.

Her behavior is so out of line, that for you to do anything less makes you even more of a weak man.

You have not written about any other behavior that might suggest cheating and not just flirting.

Is she highly protective of her phone? Does she often go out with her GF's for a Girls night out? Does she travel for work? Does she work late a lot?

But the way that she is just acting really suggests that she may be cheating.

But in your case, I don't think that it matters. For you to stay with this woman with the amount of disrespect that she shows you mean you will never have any power or respect in your relationship.

I mean honestly, why have you allowed this go on?
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Old 8th March 2018, 8:47 AM   #66
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Yes she goes out, yes she goes away with work on courses. But I was trusting. And new clothes for work in the last year. But I trusted her...but I recently looked at her behavior and it has made me doubt her. I am not a doormat for in other respects we have an amenable relationship, she states it’s perfect... I am trying to ascertain if it’s true. There is no doormat here. Weak men don’t run there own successful business’, but confrontations over this issue have not helped the relationship and have been very heated. Instantly dragging children through divorce situations as well is not something else I relish, either.

Last edited by Whitehart; 8th March 2018 at 9:08 AM..
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Old 8th March 2018, 9:22 AM   #67
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Yes I am sorry, they do...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Whitehart View Post
Yes she goes out, yes she goes away with work on courses. But I was trusting. And new clothes for work in the last year. But I trusted her...but I recently looked at her behavior and it has made me doubt her. I am not a doormat for in other respects we have an amenable relationship, she states itís perfect... I am trying to ascertain if itís true. There is no doormat here. Weak men donít run there own successful businessí, but confrontations over this issue have not helped the relationship and have been very heated. Instantly dragging children through divorce situations as well is not something else I relish, either.
Yes I am sorry, they do... And look, I really mean no disrespect.

Some men can be totally capable and even extraordinary in there chosen profession. I get that.

And then, they turn around and are weak with a particular women. You are being a doormat.

No self-respecting man would ever put up with the behavior that has demonstrating. No one would.

Do you have access to her phone and home computer password? If not, why not?

So I will bet real money, that she is screwing around on you. Is it an affair? Maybe. Is she just hooking up with random guys, like a teenager/collage girl? Maybe.

Who knows, but since you have not said anything about her phone, I suspect that she keeps it private.

So if you have a successful business, you can afford a PI, and you need to get one.

One thing is for sure, she has zero respect for you as a man. And you being afraid of divorce or the amount of money that it will cost, you are playing into your hands.

Read about the 180. You will have to modify it because you are still married, but yeah, that is where you need to start. That and a PI.

What she is doing is just so out of line that no man should subject himself to what is going on in your marriage...
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Old 8th March 2018, 9:48 AM   #68
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Read the 180 and it makes sense and is doable.
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Old 8th March 2018, 11:22 AM   #69
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Divorce is worth the hassle.

She can promise up and down , go to therapy for a long time , make a scincere effort but I would weigh. The time for her to change her skin will be very very long and in the end , she will still not be a normal decent person as itís an entire lifetime of this.

The images in your head will not go away . You will always be wondering what she is doing the moment you turn your back.

Divorce is expensive and worth it. The step kids are her responsibility and you canít do anything.
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Old 8th March 2018, 2:38 PM   #70
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Actions get created by entertaining thoughts and ideas. Maybe she is being tempted by these other guys and refuses to ignore the temptation, or she is resisting, fighting these temptations. You can help her!. This is not normal for a loving, healthy marriage. Any other 'red flags' in your marriage that you are not seeing or don't want to see or address? Tell her how you feel. Honesty and truth are foundational.
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Old 8th March 2018, 2:50 PM   #71
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Joe Broken Record here but I'll say it again and I hope you puzzle over this, OP, because this is the key:

People treat you the way you allow them to.

This is all on you. Your woman disrespects you and yet you stay. You need to leave, man. Even if you're wrong (and you're not, trust your gut and her past actions) is it worth staying? She makes you feel bad, end of story.

She's probably getting off on playing with you this way. You're better off alone IMO.

I hope you make the right decision. All the best.
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Old 9th March 2018, 2:38 AM   #72
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Phone

Accessed her phone and she has contacted her ex 7 times between them Tuesday to thursdsy. She on a course in one town asking if he is in a specific town. Later she told me she wants to go away on more courses!
I asked and she says her ex needs advice on an issue or about kids..who he forgets most of the time! He cheated on her before they got divorced.
I'm sure what's going on now.

Last edited by Whitehart; 9th March 2018 at 3:47 AM..
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Old 9th March 2018, 4:08 AM   #73
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OK so looks like you came here for a reason you got it, Sorry that you’re in the situation, your wife she is a no good POS.! Best thing you can do for yourself is just divorce her. Hand her divorce papers and get her the F**k out of your life. Keep us posted you’re going to need us even more now.

Last edited by Sparta; 9th March 2018 at 4:10 AM..
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Old 9th March 2018, 7:34 AM   #74
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The ex and your wife are identical. Now they are each other's other man and other woman and continue the toxic dance. You are being taken advantage of , in the middle. Remove yourself and save yourself the drama. You and her have no relationship.

Sorry, you have to go through a divorce.
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Old 9th March 2018, 9:03 AM   #75
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Imagine that...

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Originally Posted by Whitehart View Post
Accessed her phone and she has contacted her ex 7 times between them Tuesday to thursdsy. She on a course in one town asking if he is in a specific town. Later she told me she wants to go away on more courses!
I asked and she says her ex needs advice on an issue or about kids..who he forgets most of the time! He cheated on her before they got divorced.
I'm sure what's going on now.
Imagine that... I am sorry, but everything you described seemed to say she was screwing around.

Like everyone has said, divorce is worth it...
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