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Wandering Eyes Will Cheat?


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 6th March 2018, 10:18 AM   #46
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Like I said earlier, this is worse than cheating. Iíve seen couples where both are doing the same stuff , so it doesnít bother either of them. She ogling men and he ogling women.

But situation changes when one is doing and the other is a decent person. And you are in this category unfortunately. Since you mentioned step kids , itís likely her ex husband was same as her ....

Leave. You are suffering and she doesnít care. You canít reason with her. One day when she is beyond an age , men ó younger , her age and older , are going to run away from her and she will be a desperate old creep. You hold yourself together and get into some therapy and make an exit plan . Iím serious. And yeah, you are not the problem.She is.
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Old 6th March 2018, 11:32 AM   #47
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She says when we are out together she feels safe.Maybe because we are together she feels she can act this way for some sexual gratification/stimulation.
Of course she's getting something out of it: gratification-stimulation-validation.

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I turned round to ask something and she and a young guy are sharing a big smile between themselves. I say, 'hey, leave the guy alone', she looks me straight in the face and asks what the hell am I talking about...nothing has happened.Sometimes I feel like I'm starring in Gaslight!!
Yup, that's gaslighting, as blatant as it gets.

The new info in another post about her fantasies is informative. I think everyone indulges some kind of fantasy world, but hers seems to be oozing across the line between the fantasy and reality. I have no doubt that this is what's happening when she overtly flirts with strangers in your presence. I guess it's possible that she has a strong enough superego to not actually step across the line... but her history of having cheated on her former partner is evidence to the contrary.

Here is what you have to accept: you can't change her fundamental predilections. You might be able to get her to moderate overt behaviors somewhat in your presence, but you know how she's going to be carrying on when you're not around to see. Would it feel differently to you if you had more confidence that it's all just fun and games and she'd never act on it?

I have no idea if it's possible for you, but what about becoming her accomplice in these titillation games? There are many possibilities if you feel secure enough. Some of the best sex I had with my former girlfriend was after we'd been to a store that I frequent (know the people) and one of the young women engaged me in a flirty way in front of my girlfriend. As we walked out my gf said, "damn, I don't think I've ever felt so jealous." Thirty minutes later we were going at it like a pair of minks. I never got a chance to thank the young woman in the store, but I think I will if I see her again.

If I had a girlfriend like your wife, I'd be trying to make lemonade if possible. But I think you have to feel very secure in your relationship to do that, and right now the flirting is having the opposite effect. But this idea is something you can be in control of (to some extent), whereas her being a flirt and a tease is not.
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Old 6th March 2018, 11:33 AM   #48
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You are spot on...her ex was even worse than her. I read up on future faking. It’s her to a tee...I think I’m in a even bigger hole than I realized. But you are correct...her ex was all over the place with other women.
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Old 6th March 2018, 11:59 AM   #49
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You are spot on...her ex was even worse than her. I read up on future faking. Itís her to a tee...I think Iím in a even bigger hole than I realized. But you are correct...her ex was all over the place with other women.
Protect yourself.

Like Salparadise said, she will be carrying on behind your back , if not in front of you. Can you live with that ? Honestly , I wouldnít be. I need to know that my partner is carrying my honor with them wherever they are and not having some fun with others when Iím carrying their honor all around.
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Old 6th March 2018, 12:02 PM   #50
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OP you must wonder how your wife acts towards men when you aren't present if she acts this way in front of your face. The only way to show her how hurtful this is to you is to give her a large dose of her own medicine. You should start looking at women who are much hotter than her in her presence.
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Old 6th March 2018, 12:12 PM   #51
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OP you must wonder how your wife acts towards men when you aren't present if she acts this way in front of your face. The only way to show her how hurtful this is to you is to give her a large dose of her own medicine. You should start looking at women who are much hotter than her in her presence.

Iím a fan of giving a taste of their own medicine but this case is way beyond a normal person.One needs an extremely thick skin to behave in a manner that is so inappropriate and not inherently in your genes.
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Old 6th March 2018, 12:17 PM   #52
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I certainly wouldn't trust her not to have sex with other men. Her eyes are telling them she is available.
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Old 6th March 2018, 5:09 PM   #53
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Wandering Eyes

So painful to watch again how her face lights up into a huge smile when she looks past me at two guys.
Yesterday I told her she hurt me on holiday. Didnt even ask how!painful!!
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Old 6th March 2018, 6:06 PM   #54
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Advice from the world of pop/rock music

You Canít Hide Your Lyiní Eyes ó Eagles

Woman have you got cheating on your mind? Gary Puckett & Union Gap

Ruby donít take your love to town.

There are more but I think you get the idea
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Old 6th March 2018, 6:12 PM   #55
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"I'm married not dead"

"You must've misunderstood"

"These guys mean nothing to me"

"He's just a friend"

"He's like the brother I never had"

"He's my brother from another mother"

I personally liked my exW's line of "If I weren't married you betcha I'd fck him". She was a pistol in that way.

Everyone defines cheating individually. Having known dozens of MW's in my lifetime, oh my, does the rationalizing fly.

I hope you're ready for all possibilities. If there was one thing women taught me it's anything is possible. If you can dream it up in your wildest fantasies, she probably already has. Once that is accepted, life gets easier. Not necessarily less painful, but easier. Good luck!
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Old 7th March 2018, 7:48 AM   #56
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Wandering Eyes

She still wants to hear about my past women. It turns her on...she even at the start wanted for us to say who was attractive when we were out. I did not think is was good, as we both display a little jealousy sometimes.

However she told me last night that she respects me very much and loves me, too. Do women have a different concept of ‘respect’? Really? Respect is respect in my book! I think the majority of decent ladies really understand the concept...if I’m wrong please tell me

I remember she used to ask about group sex and exposing herself on he beach... all fantasy... but does she know where to draw the line in real life! I think not and she is emotionally selfish. Rant over. I have my own business, I do well, is this s part of why I’m gaslighted...can a person really call you the best thing in their life, and be gaslighting!
I’m losing faith in everything... and she had the gall to accuse me of being an ‘animal ‘ because I’ve had more experience sexually in the past. Gaslight time.

Last edited by Whitehart; 7th March 2018 at 8:15 AM..
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Old 7th March 2018, 8:49 AM   #57
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Forget all the super sexual grenades she has been throwing, and lets take a 30,000 ft. view of the relationship in a whole....Not very appetizing.

She throws words like respect and love at you, to sate your palate and keep control. All the while, she uses her sexuality as a crutch to make up for her own inadequacies.

Narcissism.... Yup. Cluster B....Maybe.
Serious sexual disorder....Most likely.

There are things going on around here that don't add up. As well as the obfuscation when she Sh*t tests you with the "Your fantasy" thing. I hope your not falling for that. It will bite you back quickly if you do....
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Old 7th March 2018, 9:01 AM   #58
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What is cluster B?
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Old 7th March 2018, 9:27 AM   #59
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https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-...s/syc-20354463

^^ educational purposes only. No monetary gain noted..
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Old 7th March 2018, 10:58 AM   #60
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Hi Whitehart, sorry to see you on the horns of a dilemma. After reading everything you have had to say it seems to me that your wife may be a closet nymphomaniac. I remember reading on another website devoted to alternative lifestyle accounts,, about a guy who fell in love with a girl who was very good looking and who slept with him on the first date itself. Subsequently,, he went on to marry her although she had told him that she liked sex and would usually sleep with a guy on the first date as she had with him. Sex for her was just that,sex and nothing more. While with him in public places she would look at other guys the way your wife does and convey through her eyes that she desired them sexually. This man knew what he was getting into and she was quite upfront about her promiscuity, yet he married her. The account mentioned that she continued sleeping with other guys while married to him and never hid it from him. At the same time much like your wife, she professed love for her husband and was very caring of him.

My point in recounting this story is that if you can live with something like this then by all means go ahead and remain married to your wife. She will probably be able to love you in her own way like the woman above. However,, it takes a special kind of person to be able to do something like that. You do not seem to be that kind of person so I guess you should make tracks as fast as you can. Warm wishes.

Last edited by Just a Guy; 7th March 2018 at 11:02 AM..
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