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Wandering Eyes Will Cheat?


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Old 5th March 2018, 5:13 AM   #31
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Wandering Eyes

The other side of the coin is that she would not go on such course again if it made me jealous...although she did go two months later and after that they stopped... the nights on course in hotels...just day courses.
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Old 5th March 2018, 5:43 AM   #32
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The sad thing here is that you know the relationship is finished but haven't accepted yet.

Grieve.Its important.

You will reach acceptance in your own time. Sorry.
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Old 5th March 2018, 10:34 AM   #33
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Wandering Eyes

Went away at the weekend and was different. Photo only looking at me...polite and not acting up. She can obviously be more thoughtful when she wants.

Whether it means she just didnít want to upset me, or it tacitly acknowledges her own behavior as wrong, or there werenít enough good ďtargetsí!
But was a major city. Maybe she can adjust her behavior or is short term adaptation remains to be seen.
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Old 5th March 2018, 11:03 AM   #34
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Logo mentioned a term here : future faking. I had never heard of it before. Google it. Confirms to your last post.

Leave man. Itís finished. There is nothing to hold on to. No future. Sorry to say but if you come to think of it, the past will seem like a lie and probably it was. You are in denial. Itís a phase. Get into therapy and grieve the lie you have lived so far and a future that will never be. Sorry.

She can continue to get her ego boosted for the rest of her life but in the end she wonít ever have love. Her very very big loss. She may or may not realize what she has lost but by then you would have moved on with someone who has eyes only for you. She isnít the one for you. You are being abused. Get an attorney and a therapist. You need both urgently.
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Old 5th March 2018, 3:15 PM   #35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Whitehart View Post
Thanks for the advice, but as she says, ďshe has done nothing wrongĒ. But the iPhone7 live mode shows exactly what is happening. Itís so depressing and itís getting worse and more blatant. I canít reason with a brick walll. Even when she sent me loving selfies she was watching porn!
It doesnít matter what she says. Yes, she is doing something wrong. And Iíll save you the suspense ó donít waste your time trying to reason with a person like this. What sheís doing is a form of emotional abuse. The fact that she doesnít care how this affects you tells you everything you need to know. Itís not so much about whether she loves you or not. Itís about how she uses that love to hurt or manipulate you. This tells you what her true character is and you must accept it because sheíll never change. If this was a guy that I was dating, Iíd nicely let him know that our values donít match up and that the relationship is over.
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Old 5th March 2018, 3:26 PM   #36
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If she's not helping you to feel safe within the marriage then she is disrespecting you.

Ask her to stop it if it makes you uncomfortable.

If she doesn't stop then divorce her if you don't like it.
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Old 5th March 2018, 4:35 PM   #37
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Wandering Eyes

Bathtub-row: thank you for such a thought provoking post. This i must read again and really think through. A friend spoke of manipulation, too.s2b, thanks also, yes it would be good to be comfortable within the marriage.

Last edited by Whitehart; 5th March 2018 at 4:41 PM..
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Old 6th March 2018, 2:45 AM   #38
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Future faking

Just read up on this term. Interesting.
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Old 6th March 2018, 3:06 AM   #39
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Maybe she can adjust her behavior or is short term adaptation remains to be seen.
You've got good instincts. Follow them.
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Old 6th March 2018, 3:30 AM   #40
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What sheís doing is a form of emotional abuse. The fact that she doesnít care how this affects you tells you everything you need to know. Itís not so much about whether she loves you or not. Itís about how she uses that love to hurt or manipulate you.

I agree. The lies, the manipulation, the denials, the disrespect are all part and parcel of a personality trait.

Some people seek help when they choose to change and want to change, others, especially narcissists, will rarely seek help and refuse to take responsibility. They only think about themselves and their feelings.

Whitehart, I know you're trying to stay optimistic and feel that you've got a lot invested into this relationship so you're trying to take it one step at a time.

The only thing you can do at this point is keep your eyes open. If she goes back to her old ways, then you'll have an unequivocal confirmation that it's time to seek a divorce.

In the meantime, take care of yourself, eat, sleep well and try to do some fun things you enjoy.
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Old 6th March 2018, 4:09 AM   #41
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Wandering Eyes worded lies

Logo, thank you for your comments. I must say I'm shocked. I'm honest and what I've said is true about this situation. But I expected to be told overwhelmingly that I'm crazy, sad, paranoid or a combination of all three.
But people have given me a very different insight to the one i hear at home. I think there is something in the future taking. I'm gonna get on with living my life, being me, if she wants part of that it's up to her, she talks the talk she must walk the walk.
I don't even want to take stupid photos anymore!
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Old 6th March 2018, 5:28 AM   #42
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Yes there are children, my step children and I think the lad has actually noticed what is happening on a few occasions. This makes me happy not. I think it is something that has alerts happened, is accelerating or Iím more tuned into. Either way it hurts.
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Old 6th March 2018, 5:29 AM   #43
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Yes, I think she gets a kick out of it and is a self-admitted voyeur in an almost masculine manner.
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Old 6th March 2018, 5:33 AM   #44
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Definitely she is immature and she needs me to tell her everyday, or message that I love her. If I say I met a new woman during the course of my work she immediately asks if Iím sexually attracted to them, fo I want to...,you know...blah blah blah.
Yes immature springs to mind.
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Old 6th March 2018, 9:14 AM   #45
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dOnnivain,
So it's really the lying & the double standard that irks you. Have you shown her the pictures & asked her why she behaves in this manner? Have you told us that the looking alone wouldn't bother you if she acknowledged that she was doing so? Somewhere you both stopped communicating clearly with one another.

She has looked at the photos in a fleeting manner dismissing them immediatley and will not come back to them. There is no discussion, only I have a problem. But its as plain as the nose on my face even without editing the clips.
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