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Wandering Eyes Will Cheat?


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 4th March 2018, 11:18 AM   #16
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I would dump someone who acted like this. I'd be humiliated, hurt and angry and on top of it, treated like a child being told very firmly, not to do the same damned thing. She's telling you not to disrespect her in the same way she's disrespecting you? To heck with that.

You can bet I would be doing the same thing. Just so she gets a dose of her own medicine before I kicked her to the curb. I wouldn't let someone walk all over me like that.

Putting up with this is doormat behavior. And that's how she's treating you.
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Old 4th March 2018, 12:54 PM   #17
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Did she do this when you were dating? If so, then why the hell did you marry her? She probably just has flirty, outgoing personality.

I find the fact that you are looking at "live mode" in the photos in so much detail very weird and your posts give off a paranoid vibe.
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Old 4th March 2018, 2:43 PM   #18
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Fair: that is how I'm feeling and i was bought up to give as good as I get. I've been trying to analyse myself to see what I've done wrong, but not much by how she feels it's a 'perfect' relationship. Recently and obviously I've been acting in a similar manner... Maybe that way she will understand how it feels.
Eternal Sunshine i appreciate your opinion, but I use the phone because, well, I can! It wasn't used to hunt for something, I simply stumbled upon what it can do. It's an eye opener.
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Old 4th March 2018, 2:48 PM   #19
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Alphamale: I've tried to talk and now I'm doing essentially what you said.
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Old 4th March 2018, 3:45 PM   #20
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We were together a few months when she told me that she had an affair when married to her ex, who she said did not trust her! Now i start to wonder!
You married a cheater, what else can you expect?

Flirting = Cheating

What she is doing is cheating on your face and mocking your identity. I'm surprised that her behavior has not YET eroded your identity. Get a separation before it does. Then file for divorce. This behavior is WAY beyond repair. She will beg and plead and promise to change but nothing will change except you will waste your time.

Your age and time will not come back. Save and invest in someone decent and mentally balanced.
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Old 4th March 2018, 9:50 PM   #21
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You're in big trouble. When a woman does that kind of **** in front of you, that means she has lost all respect for you. Literally. She's just doing the kind of stuff to see how far she can go without you saying anything.

To confirm my previous statement; I'm gonna make the bold assumption and say: You never even confronted her about it or said anything. You're a pansy, and that's exactly how your wife sees you. You need to man the **** up.

If you see her doing something you don't like, then ****ing say it to her. This doesn't just apply to what she does, you need to man up in all other situations. Stand up for **** you don't tolerate or think is stupid. Don't sit back and act like a defenseless, voiceless child.

MAN THE HELL UP BUDDY.

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Old 5th March 2018, 1:17 AM   #22
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OldsoulB: yes she has been confronted and last time she accused me of implying that she is [promiscuous] and went crazy. I know what is coming and I've lost all respect for her.

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Old 5th March 2018, 1:45 AM   #23
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What do you know, thatís coming.?
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Old 5th March 2018, 2:29 AM   #24
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Sparta: I mean that it could be the end of the relationship, stage by stage slowly calcifying. Which is not what I want.
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Old 5th March 2018, 2:46 AM   #25
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Mikeylo said that flirting equals cheating. It depends on the flirt. She states she is not a flirt...but I see it differently. Do you guys think that flirt = (micro) cheat? Maybe she is just searching for an ego boost, many women want such confidence boosters from other men. She says not, but boy does she love it when she gets some!
For me, it is as if there are two people. The official one who gives me the standard chat, which is what he needs to hear, and the other character who just reacts and flirts without any thought of who they are with or where in an immature thoughtless manner.
Somebody said they doubt she would do this next to, or in front of me...well...she does. And often I havent noticed it. She says when we are out together she feels safe.Maybe because we are together she feels she can act this way for some sexual gratification/stimulation.
I have reacted when out. On a train, walking in to the buffet car she sent me on ahead to get coffee. I turned round to ask something and she and a young guy are sharing a big smile between themselves. I say, 'hey, leave the guy alone', she looks me straight in the face and asks what the hell am I talking about...nothing has happened.Sometimes I feel like I'm starring in Gaslight!!
Now her behaviour red flags other events which she has brushed under the carpet fro a few years ago.

Last edited by Whitehart; 5th March 2018 at 2:48 AM..
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Old 5th March 2018, 3:28 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by Whitehart View Post
M
For me, it is as if there are two people. The official one who gives me the standard chat, which is what he needs to hear, and the other character who just reacts and flirts without any thought of who they are with or where in an immature thoughtless manner.
Her behavior is immature and it sounds like she either has no respect for herself, you (sorry), the relationship, or all three.

Either way, it sounds like she's trying to hide her inner feelings by giving you the official line, as it were. It's typical cheater behavior. And they will go to great lengths to make it seem as if things are okay on the surface. They'll say things like "What are you talking about? That's crazy."

You know, terms like "future faking" were invented for a reason.

I could be wrong and she could simply be looking for an ego boost like you wrote.

You don't have to share it here, but think about how your sex life is going, or if she's being secretive about some things.

Have you considered quietly consulting a divorce lawyer? Just in case.
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Old 5th March 2018, 3:52 AM   #27
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Sex was always very good but has tailed off this last year or so.
She has strong fantasies including more than one man and can even see a women in the street, come home and get excited about the woman having sex with me and she watches us together.
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Old 5th March 2018, 4:12 AM   #28
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fantasies are not reality,.....and often when the two become one...its a disappointment in the making.....

your wife should respect you more i have to ask if she is artistic or creative ..i often observe people call it staring if you will but i see beauty in everyone and many things..and i write poetry about what i see....i try not to stare ....and it has nothing to do with sex when i do look at peoples....i would however in a relationship not disrespect my guy by openly ogling other men....its crass....i find beauty though also in women and children anyway and broken people....

from the sounds of it......your wife is not happy sexually and wanting to explore ....porn is not the way....and sending you selfies of her while watching porn is also crass.....seems like she wants to explore her sexuality maybe its limited to fantasy...but i feel you seriously need to set down some boundaries about what you are or are not happy to oblige her in sexually...and how her ogling other men upsets you....be honest and blunt....porn sets unreal expectations on both men and women what comes across as hot and intense on screen is actually all fake and she needs to understand that....

real love making isnt anything like porn even real sexuality......porn is on loop cut and edited........mostly done by professional sex workers.......real love making isnt self absorbed and exploring sexuality is fine only if both parties are consensual.....i wish you well..you do need to sit down with her and say what is upsetting you...and work at compromise and or her kerbing her behavior when with you..and honestly probably kerbing her behavior when she isnt with you as well.......deb
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Old 5th March 2018, 4:44 AM   #29
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Its a disaster in the making, for you.

You can do nothing except divorce her.

You will become a laughing stock for others. LEAVE.

Yes, flirting = cheating. What she is doing is beyond cheating.Unforgivable unless she changes her entire skin which she can't and won't.

Yes, she has destroyed the relationship bit by bit but surely.There is no coming back from this.
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Old 5th March 2018, 5:02 AM   #30
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No, she is not particularly artistic personally, but she likes art and reads very much. So I take your point onboard. The fantasy has been used just in bed, and she draws a clear line between it and reality, or so she says. She always said she had been searching for me, a soul mate, al her life. We are similar in many ways and I can appreciate art and literature. But I feel there have been other red flags.
A few years ago she was on a course and stayed in a hotel for the night. She shared a room with a female colleague. I rang after 10pm, as we spoke she opened the door to a knock and a man spoke in the room. I asked her what was happening and she said he came to fix the TV as her colleague wanted to watch TV. I heard neither her friend, the man again nor the TV! I was furious but she said it was nothing and that I must trust her.

Last edited by Whitehart; 5th March 2018 at 5:04 AM..
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