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Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 1st March 2018, 10:52 PM   #16
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I can't decide what to do. I haven't been eating or sleeping properly because of stress. I do love my husband, but it feels like if we had of had things financially in order, we could have had this all fixed by now.
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Old 1st March 2018, 11:07 PM   #17
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When we had to get assessed I got diagnosed with Schizoid personality disorder. I didn't even know what was. And its not Schizophrenia. I'm don't entirely agree with this diagnosis.

Was this used as a reason to take custody of your own child away from you? It's still not clear why you don't have custody.

You were pregnant in October. Are we taking about one child or two?
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Old 2nd March 2018, 10:07 AM   #18
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Was this used as a reason to take custody of your own child away from you? It's still not clear why you don't have custody.

You were pregnant in October. Are we taking about one child or two?


They used my depression as an excuse. But it's hard to get reassessed when the psychiatrist session are expensive and I'm struggling, plus an unstable marriage.


I lost the second baby last year unfortunately. I would've loved another child.
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Old 2nd March 2018, 10:46 AM   #19
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A lot of views, but not answers here.
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Old 2nd March 2018, 10:54 AM   #20
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What is it that you want? I presume a stable life & custody of your daughter, right?

So how are you going to go about getting that? You say you can't get a job in your field because you need 3 years of experience. Somebody somewhere has to be willing to give you that experience. How many resumes do you send out per day? If it is less then 5, step up your efforts. Can you volunteer somewhere to get experience? Are you working doing anything to have an income right now? If not, why not? Are you attending industry related events or job fairs at least once per week to meet people & try to get a job? If not, start.

As for custody, when the judge awarded custody of your child to your in-laws that judge put reasons for the decision on the record. If you don't have a written copy of that decision, get one. Read through it & list all the reasons your child was taken away from you. Then create course of action to change the circumstances which lead to the decision. If one of the reasons was you don't have a job, get a job. If it was that you don't have adequate housing, find a place to live. If it was that you are not taking your meds, get a new doctor & start taking care of your health.

Things in your life will change when you change them. I understand things are hard & money is tight but you have to prioritize what is important to you.

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Old 2nd March 2018, 11:01 AM   #21
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They used my depression as an excuse. But it's hard to get reassessed when the psychiatrist session are expensive and I'm struggling, plus an unstable marriage.


I lost the second baby last year unfortunately. I would've loved another child.
Oh dear, I'm sorry for your loss.

If your marriage is unstable, why do you remain in it? What actions are you taking to make the changes you need to make to regain custody of your daughter?

There is no magical answer to your problems..if you want to improve your life, you have to take action. Nobody is going to hand you a steady job or a certificate of perfect mental health or a healthy marriage..so what are YOU doing to make these things happen? And posting about them on a forum doesn't count, as there's not a whole lot anyone here can actually physically do for you.

For example, the people who need 3 years of experience in your field have all had to start somewhere too, they were not just handed jobs straight out of school either..have you consulted with anyone in your field on how to get started? Applied for internships? Anything?
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Old 3rd March 2018, 3:38 PM   #22
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For anyone confused by the OPs story I would recommend taking a quick scan of the below thread to get an idea of who the OP is and why she has the problems she does.

OP back in October you posted that you are pregnant again and that there was a possibility that your in-laws might get custody of that baby too. How is that progressing?


http://www.loveshack.org/forums/fami...ing-sil-inlaws
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Old 3rd March 2018, 3:39 PM   #23
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Sorry. I just saw that you posted that you lost the baby. Very sorry that you had to go through that.
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Old 4th March 2018, 7:41 PM   #24
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Sugarkane, this post sounds more like a rant post. Mostly I hear you complaining and blaming your problems on everyone else. I'm not hearing you take responsibility for your own actions.

The fact your in laws filed for custody is very telling here. You never once mentioned what kind of mother you are. You've just blamed and complained about everyone else. The fact they won any kind of custody means there's more of this story. I don't sense or feel that you're really doing everything right for your child - but you are trying very hard to gain sympathy from strangers on how "unfair" life has been to you.

If you want real help, start listing all the ways you've contributed to this problem YOURSELF and then it will be more obvious what you need to change. That is if you're willing to take responsibility for your current mess and make the necessary changes.
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Old 11th March 2018, 10:28 PM   #25
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Hello Sugarkane

Dear Sugarkane,
I am so sorry for your situation. It sounds that you have been through a lot recently. Remember that you are valuable, important and a person worth of dignity. Please let me tell you that you do have a purpose in life. Have you ever thought of when two persons get married both of them bring their own baggage? Christian counseling can be helpful to work through things like this. Maybe you can encourage him to seek individual therapy first and then you can take the therapy together. He should confess all to you since the beginning however I encourage you to forgive him. You and your husband are valuable and worth fighting for. Through therapy both of you can discover that and help each other. .Problems and struggles will come for any married couple. . Let me tell you that there’s no perfect persons, so there’s not perfect marriage. But there’s couples who never give up and want to fight for their relationship and each other. Have you consider forgiving your husband, your in laws, and yourself? Forgiveness does not mean that he is doing right, but that you appreciate more that relationship between you. Forgiveness does not mean these things did not happen to you, however means that you let the problems go. Forgiveness will return your peace and joy. Forgiveness is the first step of healing and change. Please do not give up! Hang it there! In that way you could start a new chapter in your life and you will see the difference and the impact that this will have in yourself. I hope you and your husband can reconcile all your differences. I hope this will change your mindset of marriage and commitment. Request help of a third part is for brave people or courage couples. Do you have a faith or believe system to help guide you through this? I do not know whether you believe in God but I will keep you in my prayers, my friend. Keep us –posted-Ok!

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 12th March 2018 at 7:07 AM.. Reason: removed comercial link
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Old 22nd March 2018, 4:56 AM   #26
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Just don't know what to do. had another day of arguing, but my husband can't run this business without me because it takes too long for one person to do. Constant blaming and put downs because I couldn't find work, which led to this chain of events.

And my therapist has been away for a few weeks and I had to cancel last weeks appointment because we had too much work. She suggested that my husband could come too, but he doesn't want too.

I often think of cheating- just so I can hurt him as much as possible, like he has to me.
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Old 22nd March 2018, 4:58 AM   #27
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I'm a good mother and would do anything for my child. They only got her because I was depressed from being alienated from her- I thought that would be understandable.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Vyliss View Post
Sugarkane, this post sounds more like a rant post. Mostly I hear you complaining and blaming your problems on everyone else. I'm not hearing you take responsibility for your own actions.

The fact your in laws filed for custody is very telling here. You never once mentioned what kind of mother you are. You've just blamed and complained about everyone else. The fact they won any kind of custody means there's more of this story. I don't sense or feel that you're really doing everything right for your child - but you are trying very hard to gain sympathy from strangers on how "unfair" life has been to you.

If you want real help, start listing all the ways you've contributed to this problem YOURSELF and then it will be more obvious what you need to change. That is if you're willing to take responsibility for your current mess and make the necessary changes.
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Old 22nd March 2018, 4:59 AM   #28
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The lawyers also said I could get my child back quicker- if I got pregnant with another child. But I'm too terrified my husband would let the same thing happen again.
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Old 22nd March 2018, 8:15 AM   #29
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The lawyers also said I could get my child back quicker- if I got pregnant with another child.
Well, that is a scary thought. If it has been determined that you are not able to care for your child now, I can't imagine how having another child will improve the situation. I see this all too often at work... What happens is, the other child is taken into foster care too.

The answer would be to see a psychiatrist and get stable, solve your marital and financial problems, and take some parenting classes. Then, you can petition for your child...
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Old 22nd March 2018, 8:51 AM   #30
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My husband just makes excuses not come and do therapy.
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Well, that is a scary thought. If it has been determined that you are not able to care for your child now, I can't imagine how having another child will improve the situation. I see this all too often at work... What happens is, the other child is taken into foster care too.

The answer would be to see a psychiatrist and get stable, solve your marital and financial problems, and take some parenting classes. Then, you can petition for your child...
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