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Do you ever miss the beginning of your relationship?


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 28th February 2018, 2:59 PM   #16
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Not when we first met because honestly I was a mess back then but I do sometimes miss when we lived in NJ. I do think all together we have a much stronger relationship now and I am a much healthier person.
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Old 28th February 2018, 4:07 PM   #17
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I don't "miss" it per se, in the sense of wanting to go back to it. Our relationship is far stronger now after all these years, we are much more mature people in general, and we have gotten to a place that we are very happy with in our lives. In the early days, there wasn't uncertainty in the sense of doubting our feelings for each other, but there was the prospect of long distance and being poor students and being young adults just coming out into the world to cope with... all of which made for a somewhat difficult time in general.

I do have fond memories and we do reminisce about it though. That's the beauty of memories, you can take the good and leave the bad. The visits during our LDR in particular, they were the stuff that romance stories are made of. Setting aside a couple of weeks to just focus on one another, the thrill of a new relationship, the excitement of learning so many new things about yourself and them.
Wow, this could also describe my relationship perfectly --except for the LDR part.
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Old 28th February 2018, 4:44 PM   #18
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No because my husband got better at the little things as the years have gone by.


Nobody can keep up the fairy tale 24/7/365 for a lifetime but there should still be romance. If there is something you want but are not getting speak up. If she gives you a reason she's not as romantic -- probably exhaustion from running a household -- do something to give her more time & viola you may get your romance back.
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Old 28th February 2018, 4:49 PM   #19
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I don't miss the person my Husband used to be

My H and I got together even younger than you guys, OP (I was just about 16, he just about 19) In the beginning, I loved him so much that I didn't care to see that he didn't feel the same. (Or at least that is my perspective) I think he settled with me as much as I realized later that I settled for him.

It took many years of happy times, horrible times, and downright heartbreaking times all rolled together for us to realize that we in fact DO love each other more than any other person (outside of our kids), and that spurred much change in both of us. I wouldn't say I love him less than I did when we first got together, but together we wised up to what REAL love is, and what it means to really love someone. It's a different love than initial love stages, a wiser love, a more protected love and I prefer it so much more to the young, carefree love.
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Old 28th February 2018, 6:26 PM   #20
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Considering that this is the second post you have made lamenting the fact that you feel your partner has changed and you are not feeling the love you felt early in the relationship, I'm starting to think that you are really unhappy with your marriage.

Of course, people grow up and relationships mature. That kind of excitement and romance can not be sustained long term... Some people are never particularly affectionate of expressive.

I guess the question is, why is this bothering you such that you are questioning your relationship? Is this relationship still meeting your needs and are you still in love with your partner?

And I would ask, if you feel something is missing... what can you do to bring the love and appreciation back to the relationship? How can you make it fun and exciting again?

Last edited by BaileyB; 28th February 2018 at 6:30 PM..
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Old 28th February 2018, 10:24 PM   #21
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“I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good ole days before you’ve actually left them.” — Andy Bernard.
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Old 28th February 2018, 11:09 PM   #22
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I absolutely miss it. I didn't have the financial, custody/ in law problems that I now have. We weren't stuck living in a small apartment, constantly arguing.
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Old 28th February 2018, 11:43 PM   #23
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My advice is to stop reflecting on the past, and instead, start focusing on making awesome memories in the present, so that ten years from now you’ll be remembering how great your year was in 2018.

Imagine yourself as a grandfather telling stories to your grandchildren about the cool things you did when you were younger. What would be good stories to tell? Guess what? You’re still young enough to do any of those things so get out and start making those stories come to life.
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Old 1st March 2018, 1:04 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by BaileyB View Post

I guess the question is, why is this bothering you such that you are questioning your relationship? Is this relationship still meeting your needs and are you still in love with your partner?

And I would ask, if you feel something is missing... what can you do to bring the love and appreciation back to the relationship? How can you make it fun and exciting again?
I'm not sure if it's so much about my relationship or how I felt during the time we got together. This may be a simple case of nostalgia.

2005 was a milestone year for me:

- My first real relationship: After struggling through my teen years to hook up with someone worthwhile, I had suddenly and serendipitously entered into a relationship just a few days after my 20th birthday -- with an old friend from middle school (my wife) no less! I felt as if I were walking on air. What a wonderful way to kiss my teens goodbye. We lost our virginity to each other five months into the relationship.

- I earned my associate's and transferred to a university to complete my upper level courses: Even though I was a commuter student, I loved studying and getting good grades. College was so different from high school. That first taste of freedom was indescribable. In October 2005, I switched from accounting to marketing, the field I work in to this day. Once I graduated in 2007 and shifted to the 9-5 grind, it took a while for me to adjust.

- I took my first paid (part-time job): Because of my demanding workload in college, I didn't start working until June of that year. Getting paid for the first time was also a great feeling.

- Closer relationships with friends/relatives: Distance, shifting priorities, and other lifestyle changes have caused us to grow apart over the years.

- Life was more carefree: Didn't have to worry as much about health issues, bills, etc.

In many ways, life is better now than it was then: more money saved up, traveling, my wife and I have our own place and privacy, we're more health-conscious, etc. And we've gone through a lot in recent years that has made us stronger.

We also look forward to trying to have a kid this year, though my wife isn't sure she'll be able to given her age (32) and a host of health issues she has (high blood pressure, PCOS, thyroidism). We're still going to try and hope for the best.

I guess that as one gets older, the virtually limitless possibilities that once lay on the horizon aren't quite there anymore. In 2005, I felt I was on top of the world. The future seemed uncertain -- I wasn't sure if my wife and I would last or what my career prospects were -- but that's what made it exciting. The decisions I made then laid the groundwork for the life I have today (partner and career).

I always wonder if I'll ever experience another watershed year like 2005. Come to think of it, 2014 was a close second -- we got married, closed on our condo, traveled by plane for the first time, and saw snow for the first time that year.

I like to think the year we have our child (God willing) will be the next big year.

Last edited by DoubleJM1; 1st March 2018 at 1:08 PM..
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Old 1st March 2018, 2:23 PM   #25
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If it's romance and honeymoon feelings that you're after, it's EXTREMELY unlikely that having a child will help with that, especially not in the first year! In fact, generally couples report a significant dip in romance when they have young children. This isn't to say it isn't worth it or that you shouldn't have kids, just something to be aware of.
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Old 1st March 2018, 2:33 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by Elswyth View Post
If it's romance and honeymoon feelings that you're after, it's EXTREMELY unlikely that having a child will help with that, especially not in the first year! In fact, generally couples report a significant dip in romance when they have young children. This isn't to say it isn't worth it or that you shouldn't have kids, just something to be aware of.
True enough...and that's if you have kids who have no issues. When you have special needs kids, it turns your future plans on their head...not always in a bad way, but it sure does make a difference.
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Old 4th March 2018, 8:20 PM   #27
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Sounds like you're close to having a mid-life crisis! lol

If you feel your "best years" are already behind you - that's NOT a good sign. It's what causes people to have affairs and take massive and stupid risks. I think you're bored so that's why you're on here reminiscing the past.

You have never really "dated" anyone else beside your wife. This may cause you to miss the beginning of a relationship. Most people have a few relationships before they settle down or find the right one. If you have only had one - you may feel you haven't experienced enough.

I think you need to talk to your wife about what you're feeling. That you want to try to get that "passionately in love" feeling bad. And it can be done. Clearly there were things she did and said in the beginning that she can replicate. But it requires her to put in some effort now - and for you to do the same.

I think it's worth doing or else you may slip further and further into boredom and resentment.
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