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My wife's "sick love" for animals is damaging our marriage

Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 5th April 2019, 1:22 PM   #46
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Wonderful! You and your wife sound like lovely people. I definitely understand where she is coming from, but I feel for you as well. My mom used to take every stray that came along, and my dad would get irritated, although he didn't have the heart to take the animals to a shelter. I'm like my mom in a lot of ways, but control myself because of my husband lol.

I get my "fix" working with animal rescue groups in other ways. I took care of a feral colony for a while until I moved and turned the colony over to a friend to care for. Maybe your wife can do that. There are a lot of groups on Facebook.
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Old 5th April 2019, 1:56 PM   #47
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What is your wife's line of work (if any, if not, that's fine too)? My obsession was not animal welfare, but child welfare - especially those in foster care. I volunteered for many years as a court-appointed special advocate to children in foster care and almost adopted one of the children for whom I was responsible, so I understand your wife having difficulty when she feels she is not doing all she can to help animals.

Over twenty years ago, when I was working in corporate (in the legal, then medical, then engineering fields), I decided I wanted to work in a job that somehow more directly benefited children. I left corporate and took a considerable pay cut to work in a public school. Now, even though I work in technology (not directly with children), I have many, many opportunities to have an impact in the daily lives of children. If your wife is this devoted to the cause, maybe she needs to consider an option like this.

What she needs to realize is that (as others have suggested) there are other ways your wife can help on a grander scale that does not affect her home and family. If you do not have a no-kill shelter in your area, maybe your wife should find like-minded individuals, work to find a benefactor, enlist the help of local veterinarian services and try to start a no-kill shelter. I know that's a bit extreme, but depending on your wife's determination to make animal welfare an important part of her life, it's not completely out of the question.
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Old 5th April 2019, 4:02 PM   #48
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To be honest, when I read your title I was assuming something a LOT worse, lol...

But anyway. Adopting an animal, if you live together, should be viewed like adopting a child. You can't just go out and adopt one all by yourself without the other person's consent!

She needs to understand that as part of a couple she can't just make unilateral decisions like that without consulting you. The desire to rescue is understandable but the unilateral decision making for something that affects both of you is not acceptable. Just like how I can't visit a poor country and then come back with 5 starving orphans without my husband's consent....

Edit: Argh, I just realized that this thread is 1 year old! I wish you'd edited the opening post...
~Perfection is about accepting that we cannot control everything and letting go of some of our preconceived notions.~ -Spiritofnow-

Last edited by Elswyth; 5th April 2019 at 4:06 PM..
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Old 5th April 2019, 4:53 PM   #49
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Edit: Argh, I just realized that this thread is 1 year old! I wish you'd edited the opening post...
Oops. I didnít notice either.
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