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How soon to Marry


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 1st February 2018, 12:12 PM   #1
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How soon to Marry

Given if you were to meet lets say in March of 2018. How long do you think that average couple should wait to get married? What factors do you think should be in place. Like Cohabit for a yr before. Wait 2 yrs. Make sure there are no pregnancies before marriage?

I say this. 2 yrs before any type of marriage and no pregnancies as well. Maybe live one year. So it would be like meet March 2018. Live together March 2019. Marry in 2020 if you so desire. Have a child 2021 if planned. That to me sounds ideal.

I just keep seeing bad things happen when couples rush a relationship.
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Old 1st February 2018, 12:20 PM   #2
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Your proposed time frame is the one I recommend. You won't know until the two year mark (give or take 6 months) if the romantic/sexual connection you have is due to the initial "falling in love" hormones, or you've reached the baseline you can probably expect long term. If you haven't experienced a variety of stressors (e.g., job loss, financial setbacks, serious or extended illness or sick family member, pet dying, long road trip) in the relationship, you may want to wait even longer to be sure.
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Old 1st February 2018, 6:18 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by Mysterio View Post
I just keep seeing bad things happen when couples rush a relationship.
I'm a fan of the "four season" rule, at least a full calendar year before marriage is discussed. Relationships are hard enough, I wouldn't to add other challenges too...

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Old 4th February 2018, 5:51 PM   #4
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I would date a full year, then live with someone another.

Also before marriage (if I had to do it all over again) I would have some very frank discussions with a potential spouse on sex, money, love and more. I just assumed to many things going into marriage. Dating and even living together dont prepare you for marriage and kids - YOU have to discuss your shared beliefs on many things.
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Old 4th February 2018, 7:54 PM   #5
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I was engaged after 4 months, living with him after a year, and married 5 years after meeting. We had a surprise pregnancy after 18 months which ended in miscarriage.
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Old 4th February 2018, 8:00 PM   #6
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I was engaged after 4 months, living with him after a year, and married 5 years after meeting. We had a surprise pregnancy after 18 months which ended in miscarriage.

im sorry mrs rubble...deb
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Old 4th February 2018, 8:26 PM   #7
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i don't believe in time lines.....we don't know how long we have to wait for this or wait for that i don't believe anyone should wait until you feel everything is perfect and all your ducks are in a row...from knowing people who marry ......there always seem to be problems and issues crop up ..

marriage should be taken seriously for sure, if you marry its not with the thought that you can end it anyway, its the person you are with you want to be with them for life and even better than life.... an eternity......i feel when its right to marry both feel it in their hearts and are willing to do the hard slog are prepared.....you know each other you have a close and intimate working relationship based on mutual trust,love, loyalty, integrity, consistency transparency and honesty.....you have talked about sexual likes and dislikes you have been open and honest about what you makes you happy or sad angry or calm....

if you have those things then you don't need to live together first to find out how the other person is.....you already know...


i believe that people should spend time together in many situations....and not just all happy happy joy joy..but crisis situations hard emotion driven crisis situations..even if you volunteer together to help in a crisis..one you get to see how you compromise and work together to get through those situations or help others to the best of your abilities as a team.....and two you get to see the true character of a person...i seek above all to marry someone uncommonly brave...someone with a brave heart........



........i believe the heart knows when marriage is right....i feel that god has the blueprints of our possible happiness and the timelines.... and its the heart that gets to see them ...when both hearts are in sync.....thats the time.....deb
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Old 5th February 2018, 11:40 PM   #8
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More than half the people I know who lived together before marriage ended up divorced.
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Old 6th February 2018, 1:32 PM   #9
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I lived together with my ex-wife for 2 years before we got married. We were married for 10 years. I do believe a couple should live together before marriage. You really need to see if you can cohabitate with the person your going to marry and spend the rest of your life with in my honest opinion. What ended our marriage was she changed.

Moving in together right after the wedding for the first time is a huge adjustment. I feel you should get that out the way first and see if the relationship is marriage material. I also recommend premarital counseling. I didn’t do that in my first marriage, and I regret it.

I also lived together with my 2nd wife before we married. We lived together for a year in half before we married.
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Old 6th February 2018, 1:44 PM   #10
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IMO depends on age. Some older people get married quickly because they have long marital or relationship experience and 'know' and wish to quickly attain financial or legal benefits they desire.

For people in the reproductive period, IMO at least not marry through the limerence period, so a couple years minimum. I know plenty of children of friends who dated/lived together for five to ten years before getting married. Started in college, got married in late 20's/early 30's to have children. So far, to my knowledge, all are still married.

Personally I won't live with someone I'm not married to. When married in the past, there were zero surprises in that regard once married. Whatever was there when dating was there when married and nothing more or less. No uglies reared their head. If anything things were more synergistic. However, I do understand that people like trial periods before such a legal commitment. That's the beauty of free will. Plenty of choices. As example, after three marriages, my exW has how been living with her BF for some eight years. No marriage. I've noted this to be more common in my age group now, especially for previously married people. Don't see the need I guess.
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Old 6th February 2018, 1:51 PM   #11
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What do I think? I think that life is unpredictable, and making timelines, creating imaginary ideal partners, imaginary timelines as to how a relationship will start, how it will unfold, etc probably aren't that beneficial.

Yes, its good observe others and have a bit of caution, but setting timelines, when there is no relationship, seems chart before the horse to me. You can IMAGINE what you think the ideal will be for you, but I don't think you will really know until you are in that situation. And I think its best to make choices based on the situation at hand, rather than imaginary ones.

I can say, my dad and step mother, my brother and sis in law, me and my husband are all happily married (all over 15 years), and none of us followed the prescribed time lines.
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Old 6th February 2018, 4:40 PM   #12
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making timelines, creating imaginary ideal partners, imaginary timelines as to how a relationship will start, how it will unfold, etc probably aren't that beneficial.
I don't see it as prescribed timelines. Rather it's setting a minimum (not a maximum) timescale. If you don't have some kind of sensible minimum, then you're taking a gamble on a relationship that you don't actually know too well yet. You definitely want to at least be out of the "honeymoon period" and into the stage where the problems crop up, to know whether or not they are ones you can work with or if they will doom the relationship.

For me:

  1. Minimum 2 years together.
  2. Minimum 1 year living together.
  3. Must be on the same page in terms of family values and core beliefs.
So I think I'm pretty similar to the OP, except I didn't really get the pregnancy thing. Why does an early pregnancy rule out marriage?
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Old 6th February 2018, 6:24 PM   #13
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Going by one study, for highest marital longevity + satisfaction, as close to 3 years as possible (IIRC)

Longevity shorter if <3 yrs
Less satisfaction if >3 yrs

That's just one study and generalization. Do it when you feel 100% ready!

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 6th February 2018 at 6:31 PM..
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Old 6th February 2018, 6:40 PM   #14
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Curious, how many on this thread are currently married, and if so, did you follow these guidelines?

Or if divorced- where these time lines followed or not?
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Old 6th February 2018, 6:44 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by RecentChange View Post
Curious, how many on this thread are currently married, and if so, did you follow these guidelines?

We dated for a year by the time I proposed. Besides being still basically kids, I was drunk when I proposed and she was drunk when she accepted. Never lived together before we were married.


So I guess not.
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