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Strange response to seeking outside counsel


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Old 30th January 2018, 6:05 AM   #16
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This one right here...

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Originally Posted by central View Post
It makes sense not to share marital details with anyone you know, as that can affect how you and/or your spouse are seen and treated. Seeing a professional is different, as there is assured confidentiality. And using the internet is different, because you are anonymous, and can in no way affect or reflect on the spouse.

I think her reaction is so extreme because she knows she is in the wrong, and does not want you to realize that and do anything about it. Continue to get the help you need, and let her know. If she leaves, that may be a good thing.
This one right here... This is what I see.

I think her reaction is very weird.
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Old 30th January 2018, 6:15 AM   #17
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Hmm, just based on what you're saying about the wifes reaction I can tell a few things about her.
1) she is a more dominant personality than you are

2) she uses manipulative behavior to get her way

3) she is emotionally abusive

4) she likely makes a majority of the decisions

5) likely doesn't have a great deal of respect for you.

So you seeking outside advise would be annoying to her if she was one or two but her reaction suggests all five.
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Old 30th January 2018, 8:00 AM   #18
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But he's supposed to be the only one who knows his own screen name. In principle, posters should be wise not to post identifying information about themselves. I'm surprised though that I see quite a bit of specific information on these forums often.

i think there's beauty in transparency...when you start keeping secrets in a marriage...isnt that where problems start......when i had a partner he knew my usernames and he knew what sites i posted on.On one particular site i began to talk to a guy who had the same musical interests as me.....and it progressed to the point where this guy wanted to spend a weekend with me and take me to a concert....there were problems in our relationship and parenting i felt overwhelmed and my partner was working long hours..............that is when i began to put passwords on my computer and spending way way too much time when i should have been spending time talking to my partner.....my partner confronted me asked point blank are you interested in someone else....im not a good secret keeper and honestly i just felt wrong........and so i told him the truth....and i didnt go on that particular site again..

anonymous sites.......anonymous usernames.....doesnt really cut it in a marriage..my partner didnt check up on me by the way he didtn need to while everything was transparent and easy.......sometimes he would look over my shoulder while i typed it was normally poetry sites.......

and personally if someone was offering my partner advice that i considered questionable...i would want to know the source and would prefer we got counsel together.......

as far as op goes....his wife's opinion should trump anyone's opinion on here and as a marriage and family are the most important thing to a man once he has made that commitment ...he should be more compromising with his wife understanding why her opinion really matters than compromising on a computer with strangers who have no idea about the marital situation they are only getting his side....as far as she is concerned she feels betrayed.........deb
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Old 30th January 2018, 9:23 AM   #19
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I thought his wife felt embarrassed that he's advertising their life to others. But his identity is anonymous to the other posters; in particular, no one who knows the OP in real life knows his user name to google him (unless he goes out pf his way advertising his user name to others). Of course, he can choose to share his user name with his wife. But that's a different issue.

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i think there's beauty in transparency...when you start keeping secrets in a marriage...isnt that where problems start......when i had a partner he knew my usernames and he knew what sites i posted on.On one particular site i began to talk to a guy who had the same musical interests as me.....and it progressed to the point where this guy wanted to spend a weekend with me and take me to a concert....there were problems in our relationship and parenting i felt overwhelmed and my partner was working long hours..............that is when i began to put passwords on my computer and spending way way too much time when i should have been spending time talking to my partner.....my partner confronted me asked point blank are you interested in someone else....im not a good secret keeper and honestly i just felt wrong........and so i told him the truth....and i didnt go on that particular site again..

anonymous sites.......anonymous usernames.....doesnt really cut it in a marriage..my partner didnt check up on me by the way he didtn need to while everything was transparent and easy.......sometimes he would look over my shoulder while i typed it was normally poetry sites.......

and personally if someone was offering my partner advice that i considered questionable...i would want to know the source and would prefer we got counsel together.......

as far as op goes....his wife's opinion should trump anyone's opinion on here and as a marriage and family are the most important thing to a man once he has made that commitment ...he should be more compromising with his wife understanding why her opinion really matters than compromising on a computer with strangers who have no idea about the marital situation they are only getting his side....as far as she is concerned she feels betrayed.........deb
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Old 30th January 2018, 9:34 AM   #20
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Your wife isn't wrong, but neither are you. Some people will be OK with this, and some won't. You just have to come to a compromise.

If you do choose to share, especially in real life, it's important to circle back to whomever you told to share the resolution if what was shared was a "problem." Too often, we "vent" to friends or even family members, but never go back to say, "Oh, we're OK now and here's how we resolved it," so the friend/family member may be left with a view of the marriage that is more negative than what's really true.
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Old 30th January 2018, 12:31 PM   #21
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Have you stressed that you don't provide any identifying information that would reveal your (or her) RL persona?
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Old 30th January 2018, 1:25 PM   #22
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How do you know whetherf she is on this site too?

Maybe she is very mad about something else and exploded over this instead?
Family often does that. They get angry over some comment but they are really venting over a related issue. that they don't care to bring up.
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