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Is my husband jealous or upset ?


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Old 23rd January 2018, 1:50 AM   #16
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The reason you canít get ahold of him, he might be filling for divorce.
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Old 23rd January 2018, 2:49 AM   #17
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Do you see what's wrong at this point?

Are you open to getting counseling to learn what a healthy boundary looks like? To learn what respect in a relationship looks like - with your husband and your friends and their husbands?

Your behavior is toxic to your marriage and detrimental to your friends marriages.

If you want to act this way and not change you shouldn't be married.

You know what you've been doing - it's not right that you're trying to blame any of this on your husband being a decent man. Stop taking advantage of him being kind. He will get sick of you embarrassing him.
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Old 23rd January 2018, 7:52 AM   #18
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Thanks for the reply and advice,


Appreciated by everyone,


Please don’t be harsh on me, I do love my husband.


Update: last night after office, I had a skype call with my husband, we talked,
we had a conversation, I asked him why he is distant, giving silent treatment and not
responding to my love messages, I told him, I love him and miss him, he some how was hesitant to respond on those questions,


there is an excerpt of the conversation


my husband reply: I want you to be happy,
my response, I want mine, your and our happiness with you, not without you.
My response: do you love me, are you happy with me or us?
My husband did not reply
My response: I love you and I might have done or said something which is why you are silent.
My husband did not reply,
My response: I love you, you make me happy, you are the most wonderful man in my eyes and I consider myself as lucky.
My husband reply: are you sure, are you telling the truth?
My response: why do you think like that? why would I lie to you?
My husband did not reply
My response: look I did not said about my past relationship and my exbf, and my virginity. Because you never asked me, and I thought it might hurt you or upset you, as you were virgin and you never had a girlfriend, and I thought might be you had some different thinking and I know you are pure and honest, you told me everything about you, then I thought its better to tell you after marriage, but I know I was wrong. And I can’t undo what I did before our marriage,
My husband reply: do you trust me or have faith in me, do you trust in our relationship, are you happy with us, if its yes, then there should be transparency and no secrets whether it’s about their past or present.
My response: I had some friends with benefits relationship before my ex bf and few one-night stands, then ex bf was there and after that I met you and married you, let me tell you are the most amazing man I have met and most exciting and pleasurable sexual intercourse with you, although you were virgin, and till the time I am with you, there won’t be any other man or person in my life.
My husband reply: don’t know what to say on that, by the way sexual intercourse is concerned credit goes to you that you taught me lot of things and you enjoy that.
Do I fulfil your emotional, physical, financial needs and other form of requirements?

My response: you meet my emotional, physical need and financial needs and other requirement and there won’t be better man than you in my life.

My husband reply: i believe action is more effective than words, look if you are unhappy you don’t have to lie and your happiness matters, may be not with me, may be with someone else.
My response: I don’t know why are you not trusting me, why are you telling me such things, look I want to have a talk face to face not over the phone or skype, I am booking my tickets for this Friday night I am visiting your place.
My husband reply: I will come to the airport to pick you.


My reply: good night, love you,
Then sent some kisses over the skype call and showed my body.


My husband response: good night, you don’t have to do such things over the skype,


That was the discussion.


By the way I have booked tickets ,eagerly waiting to hold my husband in my arms.


How would I approach for further talks with my husband?
Any suggestions or advice ?

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 24th January 2018 at 8:26 PM..
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Old 23rd January 2018, 9:11 AM   #19
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You should offer him a divorce...

Girl, you are simply clueless. If I was your husband I would have already filed for divorce.

You hide the fact that you have had several sexual partners before him, enough that you could actually train him, he is not stupid he knows how you learned so much.

And still you wonder why he is upset.

You are going to lose him, and if it matters to you, you need to change every thing that you are doing in public.

What do you do when you get home??? Don't act like a fool in public, lose all of the guy friends, and do everything that you can do to show him he is the most important thing in the world.

But, I don't think you can do that, so you may want to just let him off the hook...

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 24th January 2018 at 8:28 PM..
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Old 23rd January 2018, 9:16 AM   #20
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Either he is afraid or too inexperienced to tell you how insecure your behavior has made him. Frankly it would make any husband either insecure or simply say "I'm out" unless they were into swinging...okay maybe too extreme but your behavior is not one of a wife who is sensitive to her husband's needs. Or, the second is that you're on your own train and just happy as long as your able to tease and tempt others...no matter how it makes your husband feel.

JMO.....as to what you should do....ask him what HE needs from you to make him feel safe in the relationship....be quiet and listen carefully....encourage him to have a voice in the relationship....
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Old 23rd January 2018, 9:47 AM   #21
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You have very poor boundaries...

If you plan to keep your marriage, you need to develop better boundaries and show more respect to your husband.
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Old 23rd January 2018, 9:58 AM   #22
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i suggest a mediator...a professional marriage counsellor....i can see why you are confused and i understand your husbands lack of response.....theres a communication breakdown and you are so right to not continue it over skype or phone.....that's a positive thing....

you doubt your husband because he cant give you the words and your husbands doubts your words because of your actions with other men....if you really want to fix this....get a counsellor involved quickly....who can bridge that communication gap and eb there to support both of you in a positive resolution....in the form of strategies and homework....deb
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Old 23rd January 2018, 10:21 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovelywife View Post
Thanks for the reply and advice,


Appreciated by everyone,


Please don’t be harsh on me, I do love my husband.


Update: last night after office, I had a skype call with my husband, we talked,
we had a conversation, I asked him why he is distant, giving silent treatment and not
responding to my love messages, I told him, I love him and miss him, he some how was hesitant to respond on those questions,


there is an excerpt of the conversation


my husband reply: I want you to be happy,
my response, I want mine, your and our happiness with you, not without you.
My response: do you love me, are you happy with me or us?
My husband did not reply
My response: I love you and I might have done or said something which is why you are silent.
My husband did not reply,
My response: I love you, you make me happy, you are the most wonderful man in my eyes and I consider myself as lucky.
My husband reply: are you sure, are you telling the truth?
My response: why do you think like that? why would I lie to you?
My husband did not reply
My response: look I did not said about my past relationship and my exbf, and my virginity. Because you never asked me, and I thought it might hurt you or upset you, as you were virgin and you never had a girlfriend, and I thought might be you had some different thinking and I know you are pure and honest, you told me everything about you, then I thought its better to tell you after marriage, but I know I was wrong. And I can’t undo what I did before our marriage,
My husband reply: do you trust me or have faith in me, do you trust in our relationship, are you happy with us, if its yes, then there should be transparency and no secrets whether it’s about their past or present.
My response: I had some friends with benefits relationship before my ex bf and few one-night stands, then ex bf was there and after that I met you and married you, let me tell you are the most amazing man I have met and most exciting and pleasurable sexual intercourse with you, although you were virgin, and till the time I am with you, there won’t be any other man or person in my life.
My husband reply: don’t know what to say on that, by the way sexual intercourse is concerned credit goes to you that you taught me lot of things and you enjoy that.
Do I fulfil your emotional, physical, financial needs and other form of requirements?

My response: you meet my emotional, physical need and financial needs and other requirement and there won’t be better man than you in my life.

My husband reply: i believe action is more effective than words, look if you are unhappy you don’t have to lie and your happiness matters, may be not with me, may be with someone else.
My response: I don’t know why are you not trusting me, why are you telling me such things, look I want to have a talk face to face not over the phone or skype, I am booking my tickets for this Friday night I am visiting your place.
My husband reply: I will come to the airport to pick you.


My reply: good night, love you,
Then sent some kisses over the skype call and showed my body.


My husband response: good night, you don’t have to do such things over the skype,


That was the discussion.


By the way I have booked tickets for Los Angeles ,eagerly waiting to hold my husband in my arms.


How would I approach for further talks with my husband?
Any suggestions or advice ?
You are not hearing what you husband said. Talk is cheap, anyone that is cheating on there SO can say exactly what you just said to your husband.

All of your actions show the opposite of what you sad above to your husband.

You actions say he is not and will never be enough.

Your words are cheap while your actions speak volumes.

I know how you can start to fix this but you need to figure it out on your own. If you can’t then you really are not ready to be married. If you do best of luck repairing the damage you have caused.
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Old 23rd January 2018, 10:26 AM   #24
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You have basically been cheating on your husband.

Would you be ok if he was doing everything you did with another woman you donít know? Touching her groping her

Are you from india?
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Old 23rd January 2018, 10:56 AM   #25
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Here's the thing.....

Your husband responds in silence because he can't believe you do not know what is wrong. His silence should have brought forth apologies from you, because you have done many things that need apologize for. On your knees begging, apologizing every day unprompted kind of thing.

And he asks you if you are happy, if you want to be with him.

Do you know why that is?

Because your behavior makes it appear that he is not enough for you, and that you are seeking more. Your behavior makes it appear that you do not value your marriage, therefore must be unhappy with it.

It's your actions. All this flirting, all this inappropriate behavior is telling him that he is not man enough, and you don't give a $h!t about this marriage.

As they say, actions speak louder than words.

And then we have the betrayal about your sexual history.

This is bigger than you may think. First of course there is the fact be that you know.... Perhaps he valued a fellow virgin, rather than a girl who had one night stands and casual sex.

Because not only can this make him feel insecure etc, but also shows that you two have fundamentally different views with your approach to sex. He is cut from the wait until marriage cloth, and you....you are cut from the casual sex cloth. Very different approaches.

And in your daily life, it sounds like he conducts himself in a more conservative way, in line with his views about sex. And you? Well.... Sounds like you like to party like a Girls Gone Wild special.

And you didn't let him know that, before he vowed to be with you forever.

Now here he is, dumbfounded to discover you are not prude wife, but a very sexualized woman.

Showing your body on Skype was icing on the cake. He wants you to turn down the sexual stuff. Stop trying to use sex for attention, or problem solving. He is trying to talk to you about some very deep and important things (which sounds difficult for him), and you just don't get it - and show him your body instead.

When you go to visit. Don't try to manipulate him with sex. Talk to him. LISTEN TO HIM.
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Old 23rd January 2018, 11:21 AM   #26
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Wow, that is just a great post...

Quote:
Originally Posted by RecentChange View Post
Here's the thing.....

Your husband responds in silence because he can't believe you do not know what is wrong. His silence should have brought forth apologies from you, because you have done many things that need apologize for. On your knees begging, apologizing every day unprompted kind of thing.

And he asks you if you are happy, if you want to be with him.

Do you know why that is?

Because your behavior makes it appear that he is not enough for you, and that you are seeking more. Your behavior makes it appear that you do not value your marriage, therefore must be unhappy with it.

It's your actions. All this flirting, all this inappropriate behavior is telling him that he is not man enough, and you don't give a $h!t about this marriage.

As they say, actions speak louder than words.

And then we have the betrayal about your sexual history.

This is bigger than you may think. First of course there is the fact be that you know.... Perhaps he valued a fellow virgin, rather than a girl who had one night stands and casual sex.

Because not only can this make him feel insecure etc, but also shows that you two have fundamentally different views with your approach to sex. He is cut from the wait until marriage cloth, and you....you are cut from the casual sex cloth. Very different approaches.

And in your daily life, it sounds like he conducts himself in a more conservative way, in line with his views about sex. And you? Well.... Sounds like you like to party like a Girls Gone Wild special.

And you didn't let him know that, before he vowed to be with you forever.

Now here he is, dumbfounded to discover you are not prude wife, but a very sexualized woman.

Showing your body on Skype was icing on the cake. He wants you to turn down the sexual stuff. Stop trying to use sex for attention, or problem solving. He is trying to talk to you about some very deep and important things (which sounds difficult for him), and you just don't get it - and show him your body instead.

When you go to visit. Don't try to manipulate him with sex. Talk to him. LISTEN TO HIM.
Wow, that is just a great post...

OP, if you cannot understand this, well there is no hope...
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Old 23rd January 2018, 11:39 AM   #27
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"there are certain instances where I have touched, groped or cuddle with my best friend husbands, and my best friends are fine with their spouse that they also do with each other irrespective of the gender,"
^^This alone sealed the deal...Don't be surprised when she posts on the Divorce page. And she never saw it coming. The BH is silent...Because he is allowing her to hang herself and leave her dangling. OP only wants this marriage because of the security and financial gains she gets... She even admitted it.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 24th January 2018 at 8:30 PM.. Reason: language ~T
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Old 23rd January 2018, 11:48 AM   #28
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Quote:
My response: you meet my emotional, physical need and financial needs and other requirement and there wonít be better man than you in my life.
You are clearly answering his you think he wants you to answer, and not giving him the truth. If he fulfilled all of your needs, you wouldn't be acting like a tramp when you're out with friends. You wouldn't be embarrassing him the way you have, bc if you truly are fulfilled by him, you wouldn't have even considered dancing with your ex. Your friend's husband wouldn't have even had the opportunity to kiss your naval. The concept of twerking on a male co-worker would never have entered your mind.

I think that you WANT to love your H, probably bc you don't think you could find anyone that could take better care of you. But unfortunately, you just don't love him like a wife is supposed to lobe a husband.

Divorce him.
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Old 23rd January 2018, 12:01 PM   #29
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That conversation shows you aren't sexually attracted to your husband and he realizes that.

You're bored with him, aren't you? But you don't want to give up the lifestyle/the money he makes...?

He realizes you're using him for his money.
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Old 23rd January 2018, 12:10 PM   #30
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I'll add that the compartmentalization and disconnect is astonishing....

You probably need to seek mental help. Seriously. You wouldn't be good to anyone as you are right now.
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