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Husband got another woman pregnant?


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Old 20th January 2018, 5:57 PM   #16
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I agree. I have to ask, OP, how much do you REALLY love your husband to be OK with him sleeping with someone else? Do you love your "life" and don't want to rock that boat, or do you love HIM?
I know what you're saying, and I agree in ways.

Before I met my husband I had my share of relationships, some were open relationships which at first took some getting used to, but the more it happened it just sort of hardens you emotionally about it all.

When I first met my husband exploring what turns us on and things, swinging was mentioned we liked the idea of it but we both didn't like the idea of seeing each other with someone else. In my previous relationships it was a rule to never talk about or be obvious about other people.

So that's basically where my view stems from. Especially when you consider that half of marriages don't work out often because of cheating. When I met my husband we both agreed swinging open relations isn't really for us just to try make sure we stay happy together. But when I refused him sex because of pregnancy - you know the rest.
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Old 20th January 2018, 6:06 PM   #17
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This is not your fault and it did not occur because you refused him sex after your pregnancy. Your husband has obviously been in the market for another relationship, outside your marriage. Your pregnancy and the decrease in sex resulting from the pregnancy/delivery is probably only a convenient excuse...

To be fair, there is a decrease in sex in every marriage for a certain length of time after pregnancy, and rarely do the men decide to seek sex from another woman, especially an escort. And those who do, are a decidedly selfish and entitled kind of man.

If you do not especially believe in monogamy and have engaged in other open relationships in the past, that is one thing. Your decision as it relates to the future of your marriage will depend on what your expectations are for your husband, and your marriage. Only you can make that decision.
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Old 20th January 2018, 6:10 PM   #18
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This is not your fault and it did not occur because you refused him sex after your pregnancy. Your husband has obviously been in the market for another relationship, outside your marriage. Your pregnancy and the decrease in sex resulting from the pregnancy/delivery is probably only a convenient excuse...

To be fair, there is a decrease in sex in every marriage for a certain length of time after pregnancy, and rarely do the men decide to seek sex from another woman, especially an escort. And those who do, are a decidedly selfish and entitled kind of man.

If you do not especially believe in monogamy and have engaged in other open relationships in the past, that is one thing. Your decision as it relates to the future of your marriage will depend on what your expectations are for your husband, and your marriage. Only you can make that decision
I agree with all of this.

And I'd also like to add that you're allowed to change your mind. Especially after becoming a mom....sometimes our views about things change at different points in our lives, and parenthood is definitely one of those times.
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Old 20th January 2018, 6:28 PM   #19
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I agree with all of this.

And I'd also like to add that you're allowed to change your mind. Especially after becoming a mom....sometimes our views about things change at different points in our lives, and parenthood is definitely one of those times.
I tend to agree.

I think the main thing that changed my view about love and relationships was when I was 18 on a hen party weekend, we stayed at an hotel also with a random stag party of guys. After getting back from a night out both groups mostly seemed to mingle together. Lots of alcohol was flying around. I was chatting with this 31y/o guy who had a girlfriend, we ended up going back to his hotel room - 2x single beds which in the other bed was a female friend of a friend with some guy under the sheets together. Turned out she was married and she seemed so very normal about it all even laughing about some things. She called out to me - "do you even know his name?" I looked at him and was like no, they just burst out laughing as if it was all normal.

And yet whenever you to talk anyone about cheating and things, no one would ever, ever do it its terrible how on earth could anyone do such a thing, its not love etc.
And yet that woman, last time I checked a few years ago, is still happily married and with grandchildren. Like, what??? how? I think that was the moment that changed me and accept that open relationships can work.
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Old 20th January 2018, 6:33 PM   #20
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I think that was the moment that changed me and accept that open relationships can work.
Do you know that she had an open relationship? Or was she just outright cheating?

I think moments like this can make you more "accepting," but they can also desensitize you, and normalize things, and not in a good way. I'm not talking just about this issue....I mean lots of things. Violence, sex and profanity on TV is a perfect example.
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Old 20th January 2018, 6:34 PM   #21
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So how's this supposed to work then? His girlfriend is pregnant... is he meant to be a little family with her while their relationship continues...is his new child going to be introduced to yours? And explained how? Daddy's new baby...but not mummys baby.

He was too busy enjoying bareback sex.... to think with his head.

Bringing kids into these situations is bad news.

You both agreed you didn't want to share each other...but it happened anyway.

How about you find yourself a boyfriend...and while your at it maybe get pregnant by him and see how that goes down with your husband. Not seriously ... (well not about the pregnancy) but perhaps a taste of his own meds wouldn't hurt.
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Old 20th January 2018, 6:43 PM   #22
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Do you know that she had an open relationship? Or was she just outright cheating?

I think moments like this can make you more "accepting," but they can also desensitize you, and normalize things, and not in a good way. I'm not talking just about this issue....I mean lots of things. Violence, sex and profanity on TV is a perfect example.
I don't know if she was cheating or in a open relationship-marriage. She was just so very, very normal about everything which always made me wonder that she must be a swinger or something. She wasn't exactly a slut before what happened.

I come from a very loving family, perhaps over-loving, my parents are still very much in love after almost 50 years together and I'm certain they have never had any interest in seeing anyone else, when my mom dies it will break my dads heart he probably won't be long going after her. You know what I mean.
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Old 20th January 2018, 6:47 PM   #23
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I would definitely say that this experience, and probably others, have normalized this behavior for you, and not in a good way...

The whole 50% of marriages end in divorce and/or involve cheating statistic doesn't make any sense to me either. To me, it's a convenient justification for extramarital relationships. Because, that same statistic also means that 50% of relationships are generally happy, monogamous, long term relationships... Just because some men cheat, doesn't mean that your husband gets to bang the first woman in the first escort ad that he finds. Nor does it mean that you have to accept this behavior.
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Old 20th January 2018, 6:52 PM   #24
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So how's this supposed to work then? His girlfriend is pregnant... is he meant to be a little family with her while their relationship continues...is his new child going to be introduced to yours? And explained how? Daddy's new baby...but not mummys baby.

He was too busy enjoying bareback sex.... to think with his head.

Bringing kids into these situations is bad news.

You both agreed you didn't want to share each other...but it happened anyway.

How about you find yourself a boyfriend...and while your at it maybe get pregnant by him and see how that goes down with your husband. Not seriously ... (well not about the pregnancy) but perhaps a taste of his own meds wouldn't hurt.
Yep, I'm in the exact same way of thinking with that.

Worst case scenario, hope her offspring never finds out she was a whore.
Otherwise, lots of people these days are born with half sisters/brothers and no one even flinches. I remember when I was a young teen and a friends mom had kids by two different dads, my mum was like; they're not brother and sisters, as if it was wrong. These days though, basically... the world has changed.
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Old 20th January 2018, 6:56 PM   #25
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Wow, you were an 18 year old young woman having a one night stand with a man almost twice your age, while another married woman was having sex in the bed next to you... That is a counselling session right there.

No wonder you don't have a good sense of what a healthy relationship really is...
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Old 20th January 2018, 7:03 PM   #26
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What part do you agree with?

Yep, I'm in the exact same way of thinking with that


I know lots of people have half siblings..loads of blended families...but have you both thought about the arrival of this baby?

A half sibling born kind of through this open marriage is a little different. What a mess.
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Old 20th January 2018, 7:10 PM   #27
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Wow, you were an 18 year old young woman having a one night stand with a man almost twice your age, while another married woman was having sex in the bed next to you... That is a counselling session right there.

No wonder you don't have a good sense of what a healthy relationship really is...
18 year old woman having a one night stand - regardless of whoever it is with, requires counselling? Sounds like a nun or religious point of view, or?

An understanding of what a healthy relationship is. Maybe you're right. But then in that regards I'm confessing to not being a bigot.
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Old 20th January 2018, 7:21 PM   #28
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What part do you agree with?

Yep, I'm in the exact same way of thinking with that


I know lots of people have half siblings..loads of blended families...but have you both thought about the arrival of this baby?

A half sibling born kind of through this open marriage is a little different. What a mess.
"What part of it?"
my answer: all of what I was responding to?

And yes, what a mess. I suppose we'll have to explain to our children things like - sometimes mommies or daddies develop feelings and love for other people, and so half siblings are born.
As long as her child never finds out she was an whore then, these days, everything is basically classed as normal.
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Old 20th January 2018, 7:27 PM   #29
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18 year old woman having a one night stand - regardless of whoever it is with, requires counselling? Sounds like a nun or religious point of view, or?
Definitely not a nun. I'm just saying, that is not a normal experience with sex at that age... I would respectfully suggest that you have normalized some things that many others would find to be quite... different.

But -- to each their own. I really do wish you well in finding a solution that you are happy with for your family.
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Old 20th January 2018, 7:44 PM   #30
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first, get yourself tested for std's. condoms don't protect completely against things like syphilis. That's a lovely std. You can have it for years and not know it, until it settles into your brain and nervous system, by which point there is nothing much you can do.

Second, unless you are fine with him sleeping around behind your back, dump him. High sex drive my @ss. That doesn't give him the right to put your health, and that of your children at risk.

Lots of men have a high sex drive. They don't go sleeping with prostitutes without a condom. You gave him a free pass,and he still couldn't keep the bargain. What else is he lying to you about?
This. Condoms do not protect against herpes either.

OP, your husband was very lucky that you gave him permission to sleep with an escort. Most wives would not have done the same. He took advantage of your open minded and charitable attitude towards marital fidelity.

Do you really want to be reminded of your husband's infidelity with the child he had outside of the marriage? If you think that your family and friends would tell you to divorce your husband, can you imagine how foolish you would look if you put up with an outside child?

Open relationships are NOT typically one sided. They also involve respect for BOTH spouses boundaries. Please don't confuse cheating with a consensual open relationship. Your hen party experience was very unusual and certainly not an example of a healthy situation.

Never love a man more than you love yourself. It leads to situations just like this one. Let your husband run off with his young prostitute.
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