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How to Feel About Wife Sleeping on Co-Workers Couch After Drinking


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Hey all,

 

Wondering how you would go about this. Last night, my wife went out with coworkers because of some new hires starting and going to happy hour. She drove to a co workers apartment first to park there and then her whole department met up. She had invited me to join around midnight but I couldnt make it out.

 

2 am rolls by and she isn't home and at about 2:40 she replies to my text of "are you ok" with, not really, got too drunk, Josh is helping me i might need to crash here cant drive.

 

She woke up in the morning texting me saying she felt so bad for sleeping over there and making me feel uncomfortable by doing so, but I just feel it's inappropriate to sleep on a coworkers couch let alone one that's not married. Which is a different question because I have no reason to suspect anything happened.

 

I asked how she ended up there and they had ubered to her car at his apartment and she realized she shouldn't drive and then crashed on the couch.

 

I feel she should have asked me for the ride so I am just a bit lost.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
I do. Why do you ask?

 

When she texted you that she may crash there, why didn't you insist on going to pick her up instead?

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its not ok for her to get drunk and crash. BUT, there are a few things here that elude to total truth.

 

It is ok for her to go out and get drunk and blow off steam. it is ok for her not to drive. SHE DID text you late, SHE DID know she put you in a position to wonder.

 

 

This is a simple as a sharing your feelings. Something like, " Babe, I appreciate you don't want to drive drunk. You could UBER. You should have asked me for a ride. Better Yet, I should have told you I would have been more than happy to have picked you up. In the future, rely on me, I'm your partner."

 

Leave it there and move on

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Theskyisgreennot
When she texted you that she may crash there, why didn't you insist on going to pick her up instead?

 

 

divorce she is cheating. I would never allow that happen to me.

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Well it was roughly 3 am, but all she said was i may need to sleep at a Jills place or here ( i didn't know here was a guys apartment) but by that time i had passed out and woke up to see it after the fact. I told her to just uber home if she drank to much let alone call me or text me. But she said she thought she could drive so went back to her car which was at his place and then realized she couldnt drive.

 

So I am either being paranoid for her being smart and not driving or not harsh enough for her being a divisive wife.

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Of course it's inappropriate. Tell you wife to stop drinking so much and control herself.

 

I have. She's not usually a rowdy one, and i made it a point that when you pull a move like that it's a really poor reflection of what others may think.

 

She's not the part type so I am not too worried of anyone thinking anything salacious but it's just really lazy and dense to not realize it be an issue.

 

Again, I have no reason to think she did anything. This Co-worker is not an intimate friend and I have never suspected anything.

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Just Tell her you don't like it and it crosses a boundary for you

dot let it happen again.

 

its well with in reason for you to be unhappy about it. don't beat her up if your confident its innocent.

 

lay your boundary and move on

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CautiouslyOptimistic
This Co-worker is not an intimate friend and I have never suspected anything.

 

How do you know, though? Are they the same age, roughly? (Not that that really matters)

 

Since you were invited, nothing probably happened, but still....she could have Ubered home.....

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Maybe it was as simple as she wasn't done partying. The clubs and bars were closed, she was having a good time, she wanted a few more drinks. Marriages don't last because you put them on short leashes. It was probably harmless.

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Just Tell her you don't like it and it crosses a boundary for you

dot let it happen again.

 

its well with in reason for you to be unhappy about it. don't beat her up if your confident its innocent.

 

lay your boundary and move on

 

+1

 

I couldn’t agree more.

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I have [told wife to stop drinking so much and control herself] She's not usually a rowdy one, and i made it a point that when you pull a move like that it's a really poor reflection of what others may think.

 

She's not the part type so I am not too worried of anyone thinking anything salacious but it's just really lazy and dense to not realize it be an issue.

 

Again, I have no reason to think she did anything. This Co-worker is not an intimate friend and I have never suspected anything.

 

It's one thing to tell her that you're not comfortable with her choices and giving preferences for how a similar situation should be handled in the future, but telling her how to behave is controlling. Of course, if an issue keeps happening and they know it bothers you, then the two of you have some work to do...but it's not Ok to go laying down the law.

 

Also, she was out drinking with others who drink. They aren't going to think anything of her. And even if she did have a few more than the others and act stupid, they'll just laugh. Even the best of us can misjudge the amount of drinks on occasion.

 

I can only echo what the others have said about you preferring her to get an uber home or calling you for help if it should ever happen again. But please don't go all controlling or fuddy duddy on her.

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I applaud her for not driving drunk. Taking an Uber isn't that great of an idea when you are a drunk woman alone at 3 a.m.

 

That said make it clear that you'd always be willing to come & pick her up.

 

If she does it again, knowing that you would come & get her, then you have a problem on your hands.

 

For right now try to trust her & remember that people don't make the best decisions under the influence.

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lay your boundary and move on

 

Agree with this but my Spidey sense would be tingling, if for no other reason than the chain of questionable decisions involved. Getting drunk and ending up on a single male coworkers couch, while it doesn't prove anything, also doesn't contribute to long-term marital success.

 

Save for future reference...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Agree with this but my Spidey sense would be tingling, if for no other reason than the chain of questionable decisions involved. Getting drunk and ending up on a single male coworkers couch, while it doesn't prove anything, also doesn't contribute to long-term marital success.

 

Save for future reference...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

could be toes in water for sure. pay attention to this post. I think you good today but never had a girl who didn't want to come home. infact, most of them were screaming at me to come home

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Thank's all for the advice and thoughts. She knows my thoughts and does feel bad. Things have been a rocky as of late which just makes this a bit more of a catalyst to being upset.

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Let's see. She makes a string of questionable decisions then crashes at the guy's place she went to BEFORE they even started going out with the others. For what reason did she park at his place to begin with? Red flag.

 

As for her invitation to join them, could she have known you would not be able to make it before extending this invitation to you? If yes, red flag right there.

 

She let you know she'd be staying due to being to drunk only after you started writing her to inquire where she was. She then simply told you she would stay, rather than asking you to come get her. Somewhat of another red flag right there.

 

First thing in the morning is her going out of her way to reassure you that she felt bad for making you feel uncomfortable and worried. About what exactly? Were you telling her you were worried or did she bring this up, if she brought it up and the guy is just a co-worker why would she feel the need to do so? Huge red flag right here.

 

 

Add to this that you told us your relationship is currently rather rocky and I simply can't agree with the "don't worry" crowd. You basically have a whole string of questionable decisions leading up to some even more questionable damage control on her part for which there should be no reason if there had been nothing to worry about to begin with.

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Let's see. She makes a string of questionable decisions then crashes at the guy's place she went to BEFORE they even started going out with the others. For what reason did she park at his place to begin with? Red flag.

 

As for her invitation to join them, could she have known you would not be able to make it before extending this invitation to you? If yes, red flag right there.

 

She let you know she'd be staying due to being to drunk only after you started writing her to inquire where she was. She then simply told you she would stay, rather than asking you to come get her. Somewhat of another red flag right there.

 

First thing in the morning is her going out of her way to reassure you that she felt bad for making you feel uncomfortable and worried. About what exactly? Were you telling her you were worried or did she bring this up, if she brought it up and the guy is just a co-worker why would she feel the need to do so? Huge red flag right here.

 

 

Add to this that you told us your relationship is currently rather rocky and I simply can't agree with the "don't worry" crowd. You basically have a whole string of questionable decisions leading up to some even more questionable damage control on her part for which there should be no reason if there had been nothing to worry about to begin with.

 

I am in agreement here....this looks too sketchy to me. She could have easily called you to pick her up or gone with her girlfriend. Why did she meet the guy at his place to begin with????

 

Do you think she could have staged this to begin with? Can you confirm that there were indeed others with them for the night on the town?

 

Looks too rehearsed for my comfort. I would tell her that you suspect that there is more to the story that she's not telling you....see how she reacts...

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Of course it's inappropriate. Tell you wife to stop drinking so much and control herself.

 

I agree. OP it's inappropriate that your wife gets so drunk (around coworkers) that she can't drive home. That must have been a pretty sight. She should have insisted you pick her up. Maybe she needs to stop drinking.

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divorce she is cheating. I would never allow that happen to me.

 

Oh paleeze. That's over the top imo. I trust my wife to the end of the world. I would have said good stay there if she wanted to then I would have rolled over and went to sleep.

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Cullenbohannon

Did Jill spend the night or was it just the 2 of them? If Jill was never there, that changes the story completely.

 

There is no way my fiancee would ever except any excuse to sleep on a single woman's couch. Uber is always available. Drunk or not, that battle won't happen. I wasnt born yesterday.

Edited by Cullenbohannon
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Hi Folks, so what's the consensus? Just a drunken error of judgement or something more sinister? What is the advice that the collective wisdom on this forum would like to offer the OP? From the drift of things it does not look good for the OP especially in view of his tid bit of information that things between his wife and him have been a bit rough. I sincerely hope for the OP's sake that his wife made a one time error of judgement and that it was an innocent one. Anything else would be disastrous.

 

The OP would have to give more details about his relationship as far as length of time married, his wife's nature ie is she flirty, usually drinks more than she can hold, her nature, in that, does she maintain strong boundaries, any children, quality of relationship in general and any other relevant factors. This may be a one off incident but that does not mean OP should lower his guard. He should trust his gut if he gets a queasy feeling about anything his wife does in the future. Maybe he could check her phone sometime just to reassure himself. Wish him the best.

Edited by Just a Guy
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Folks, There is one other possibility. His wife says she was too drunk to drive back home. However, the OP was at home and communicating by text with her. She could be sober as a priest and yet say she was drunk and he would have no way to verify that statement. In such a case I think the OP would be well served to make some surreptitious enquiries from some of the other participants at the party. They would be able to confirm her degree of inebriation and whether she would or would not be fit to drive. Just a thought. Warm wishes.

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