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How to Feel About Wife Sleeping on Co-Workers Couch After Drinking


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Old 15th January 2018, 12:15 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by staggerlee71 View Post
lay your boundary and move on
Agree with this but my Spidey sense would be tingling, if for no other reason than the chain of questionable decisions involved. Getting drunk and ending up on a single male coworkers couch, while it doesn't prove anything, also doesn't contribute to long-term marital success.

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Old 15th January 2018, 12:18 AM   #17
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Agree with this but my Spidey sense would be tingling, if for no other reason than the chain of questionable decisions involved. Getting drunk and ending up on a single male coworkers couch, while it doesn't prove anything, also doesn't contribute to long-term marital success.

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Mr. Lucky
could be toes in water for sure. pay attention to this post. I think you good today but never had a girl who didn't want to come home. infact, most of them were screaming at me to come home
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Old 15th January 2018, 12:35 AM   #18
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Thank's all for the advice and thoughts. She knows my thoughts and does feel bad. Things have been a rocky as of late which just makes this a bit more of a catalyst to being upset.
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Old 15th January 2018, 1:17 AM   #19
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Let's see. She makes a string of questionable decisions then crashes at the guy's place she went to BEFORE they even started going out with the others. For what reason did she park at his place to begin with? Red flag.

As for her invitation to join them, could she have known you would not be able to make it before extending this invitation to you? If yes, red flag right there.

She let you know she'd be staying due to being to drunk only after you started writing her to inquire where she was. She then simply told you she would stay, rather than asking you to come get her. Somewhat of another red flag right there.

First thing in the morning is her going out of her way to reassure you that she felt bad for making you feel uncomfortable and worried. About what exactly? Were you telling her you were worried or did she bring this up, if she brought it up and the guy is just a co-worker why would she feel the need to do so? Huge red flag right here.


Add to this that you told us your relationship is currently rather rocky and I simply can't agree with the "don't worry" crowd. You basically have a whole string of questionable decisions leading up to some even more questionable damage control on her part for which there should be no reason if there had been nothing to worry about to begin with.
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Old 15th January 2018, 9:59 AM   #20
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Let's see. She makes a string of questionable decisions then crashes at the guy's place she went to BEFORE they even started going out with the others. For what reason did she park at his place to begin with? Red flag.

As for her invitation to join them, could she have known you would not be able to make it before extending this invitation to you? If yes, red flag right there.

She let you know she'd be staying due to being to drunk only after you started writing her to inquire where she was. She then simply told you she would stay, rather than asking you to come get her. Somewhat of another red flag right there.

First thing in the morning is her going out of her way to reassure you that she felt bad for making you feel uncomfortable and worried. About what exactly? Were you telling her you were worried or did she bring this up, if she brought it up and the guy is just a co-worker why would she feel the need to do so? Huge red flag right here.


Add to this that you told us your relationship is currently rather rocky and I simply can't agree with the "don't worry" crowd. You basically have a whole string of questionable decisions leading up to some even more questionable damage control on her part for which there should be no reason if there had been nothing to worry about to begin with.
I am in agreement here....this looks too sketchy to me. She could have easily called you to pick her up or gone with her girlfriend. Why did she meet the guy at his place to begin with????

Do you think she could have staged this to begin with? Can you confirm that there were indeed others with them for the night on the town?

Looks too rehearsed for my comfort. I would tell her that you suspect that there is more to the story that she's not telling you....see how she reacts...
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Old 15th January 2018, 10:06 AM   #21
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Of course it's inappropriate. Tell you wife to stop drinking so much and control herself.
I agree. OP it's inappropriate that your wife gets so drunk (around coworkers) that she can't drive home. That must have been a pretty sight. She should have insisted you pick her up. Maybe she needs to stop drinking.
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Old 15th January 2018, 10:53 AM   #22
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divorce she is cheating. I would never allow that happen to me.
Oh paleeze. That's over the top imo. I trust my wife to the end of the world. I would have said good stay there if she wanted to then I would have rolled over and went to sleep.
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Old 15th January 2018, 11:25 AM   #23
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Did Jill spend the night or was it just the 2 of them? If Jill was never there, that changes the story completely.

There is no way my fiancee would ever except any excuse to sleep on a single woman's couch. Uber is always available. Drunk or not, that battle won't happen. I wasnt born yesterday.

Last edited by Cullenbohannon; 15th January 2018 at 12:20 PM..
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Old 15th January 2018, 12:38 PM   #24
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Hi Folks, so what's the consensus? Just a drunken error of judgement or something more sinister? What is the advice that the collective wisdom on this forum would like to offer the OP? From the drift of things it does not look good for the OP especially in view of his tid bit of information that things between his wife and him have been a bit rough. I sincerely hope for the OP's sake that his wife made a one time error of judgement and that it was an innocent one. Anything else would be disastrous.

The OP would have to give more details about his relationship as far as length of time married, his wife's nature ie is she flirty, usually drinks more than she can hold, her nature, in that, does she maintain strong boundaries, any children, quality of relationship in general and any other relevant factors. This may be a one off incident but that does not mean OP should lower his guard. He should trust his gut if he gets a queasy feeling about anything his wife does in the future. Maybe he could check her phone sometime just to reassure himself. Wish him the best.

Last edited by Just a Guy; 15th January 2018 at 12:42 PM..
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Old 15th January 2018, 12:50 PM   #25
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Folks, There is one other possibility. His wife says she was too drunk to drive back home. However, the OP was at home and communicating by text with her. She could be sober as a priest and yet say she was drunk and he would have no way to verify that statement. In such a case I think the OP would be well served to make some surreptitious enquiries from some of the other participants at the party. They would be able to confirm her degree of inebriation and whether she would or would not be fit to drive. Just a thought. Warm wishes.
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Old 15th January 2018, 1:16 PM   #26
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Your relationship being rocky is red flag.

Driving to a place she could get back to (his place) and then going out and getting hammered, screams of a premeditated decision, to not come home. This is a huge red flag.

Since this only happened 2 nights ago, can you find which panties she wore? If shes a "granny panty" girl and she were her sexiest panties, you have another red flag.

Finally, Check phone records and her phone, to she if she's deleted any texts from/to him. If she has, it doesn't look good.

If phone records check out, tell her you love her, and just wanted to be sure. Work on why your relationship is rocky. Its possible, something was going to happen and didn't.
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Old 15th January 2018, 2:08 PM   #27
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Why would she drive to his house before going out? Leave her car at his house? That means they went out together. And intended to return ... together.
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Old 15th January 2018, 2:29 PM   #28
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Hey all,

Wondering how you would go about this. Last night, my wife went out with coworkers because of some new hires starting and going to happy hour. She drove to a co workers apartment first to park there and then her whole department met up. She had invited me to join around midnight but I couldnt make it out.

2 am rolls by and she isn't home and at about 2:40 she replies to my text of "are you ok" with, not really, got too drunk, Josh is helping me i might need to crash here cant drive.

She woke up in the morning texting me saying she felt so bad for sleeping over there and making me feel uncomfortable by doing so, but I just feel it's inappropriate to sleep on a coworkers couch let alone one that's not married. Which is a different question because I have no reason to suspect anything happened.

I asked how she ended up there and they had ubered to her car at his apartment and she realized she shouldn't drive and then crashed on the couch.

I feel she should have asked me for the ride so I am just a bit lost.
Another member went through this same thing, his wife finally admitted to have sex with her coworker.

Why didn’t she Uber home after dropping the coworker off?

There is no good reason for her staying at this coworkers house.

Why did she not go with one of her female coworkers to begin with?

Why did this start and finish at her male coworkers apt?

Ask her for her phone and go through it. Look at all the apps and messages. Find anything dealing with this coworker. If she refuses she is hiding the truth from you.
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Old 15th January 2018, 2:32 PM   #29
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I have. She's not usually a rowdy one, and i made it a point that when you pull a move like that it's a really poor reflection of what others may think.

She's not the part type so I am not too worried of anyone thinking anything salacious but it's just really lazy and dense to not realize it be an issue.

Again, I have no reason to think she did anything. This Co-worker is not an intimate friend and I have never suspected anything.
Most BH’s never see it coming.
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Old 15th January 2018, 2:40 PM   #30
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Thank's all for the advice and thoughts. She knows my thoughts and does feel bad. Things have been a rocky as of late which just makes this a bit more of a catalyst to being upset.
Do yourself a favor, read some of the threads in the infidelity section.

Look at how many have in it what you are describing in your own situation.

Wife out all night, crashes at male coworkers place.

Our relationship has been a little rocky lately.

She never would cheat.

All of this has been said before by husbands that have been cheated on.

I hope it is not the case with you.
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