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How to Feel About Wife Sleeping on Co-Workers Couch After Drinking


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Old 14th January 2018, 7:38 PM   #1
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How to Feel About Wife Sleeping on Co-Workers Couch After Drinking

Hey all,

Wondering how you would go about this. Last night, my wife went out with coworkers because of some new hires starting and going to happy hour. She drove to a co workers apartment first to park there and then her whole department met up. She had invited me to join around midnight but I couldnt make it out.

2 am rolls by and she isn't home and at about 2:40 she replies to my text of "are you ok" with, not really, got too drunk, Josh is helping me i might need to crash here cant drive.

She woke up in the morning texting me saying she felt so bad for sleeping over there and making me feel uncomfortable by doing so, but I just feel it's inappropriate to sleep on a coworkers couch let alone one that's not married. Which is a different question because I have no reason to suspect anything happened.

I asked how she ended up there and they had ubered to her car at his apartment and she realized she shouldn't drive and then crashed on the couch.

I feel she should have asked me for the ride so I am just a bit lost.
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Old 14th January 2018, 7:43 PM   #2
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Do you know where Josh lives?
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Old 14th January 2018, 7:46 PM   #3
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re

I do. Why do you ask?
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Old 14th January 2018, 7:51 PM   #4
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I do. Why do you ask?
When she texted you that she may crash there, why didn't you insist on going to pick her up instead?
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Old 14th January 2018, 7:55 PM   #5
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its not ok for her to get drunk and crash. BUT, there are a few things here that elude to total truth.

It is ok for her to go out and get drunk and blow off steam. it is ok for her not to drive. SHE DID text you late, SHE DID know she put you in a position to wonder.


This is a simple as a sharing your feelings. Something like, " Babe, I appreciate you don't want to drive drunk. You could UBER. You should have asked me for a ride. Better Yet, I should have told you I would have been more than happy to have picked you up. In the future, rely on me, I'm your partner."

Leave it there and move on
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Old 14th January 2018, 7:55 PM   #6
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Of course it's inappropriate. Tell you wife to stop drinking so much and control herself.
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Old 14th January 2018, 7:55 PM   #7
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When she texted you that she may crash there, why didn't you insist on going to pick her up instead?

divorce she is cheating. I would never allow that happen to me.
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Old 14th January 2018, 7:58 PM   #8
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Well it was roughly 3 am, but all she said was i may need to sleep at a Jills place or here ( i didn't know here was a guys apartment) but by that time i had passed out and woke up to see it after the fact. I told her to just uber home if she drank to much let alone call me or text me. But she said she thought she could drive so went back to her car which was at his place and then realized she couldnt drive.

So I am either being paranoid for her being smart and not driving or not harsh enough for her being a divisive wife.
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Old 14th January 2018, 8:01 PM   #9
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Of course it's inappropriate. Tell you wife to stop drinking so much and control herself.
I have. She's not usually a rowdy one, and i made it a point that when you pull a move like that it's a really poor reflection of what others may think.

She's not the part type so I am not too worried of anyone thinking anything salacious but it's just really lazy and dense to not realize it be an issue.

Again, I have no reason to think she did anything. This Co-worker is not an intimate friend and I have never suspected anything.
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Old 14th January 2018, 8:06 PM   #10
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Just Tell her you don't like it and it crosses a boundary for you
dot let it happen again.

its well with in reason for you to be unhappy about it. don't beat her up if your confident its innocent.

lay your boundary and move on
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Old 14th January 2018, 8:22 PM   #11
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This Co-worker is not an intimate friend and I have never suspected anything.
How do you know, though? Are they the same age, roughly? (Not that that really matters)

Since you were invited, nothing probably happened, but still....she could have Ubered home.....
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Old 14th January 2018, 9:09 PM   #12
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Maybe it was as simple as she wasn't done partying. The clubs and bars were closed, she was having a good time, she wanted a few more drinks. Marriages don't last because you put them on short leashes. It was probably harmless.
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Old 14th January 2018, 9:11 PM   #13
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Just Tell her you don't like it and it crosses a boundary for you
dot let it happen again.

its well with in reason for you to be unhappy about it. don't beat her up if your confident its innocent.

lay your boundary and move on
+1

I couldn’t agree more.
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Old 14th January 2018, 9:29 PM   #14
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I have [told wife to stop drinking so much and control herself] She's not usually a rowdy one, and i made it a point that when you pull a move like that it's a really poor reflection of what others may think.

She's not the part type so I am not too worried of anyone thinking anything salacious but it's just really lazy and dense to not realize it be an issue.

Again, I have no reason to think she did anything. This Co-worker is not an intimate friend and I have never suspected anything.
It's one thing to tell her that you're not comfortable with her choices and giving preferences for how a similar situation should be handled in the future, but telling her how to behave is controlling. Of course, if an issue keeps happening and they know it bothers you, then the two of you have some work to do...but it's not Ok to go laying down the law.

Also, she was out drinking with others who drink. They aren't going to think anything of her. And even if she did have a few more than the others and act stupid, they'll just laugh. Even the best of us can misjudge the amount of drinks on occasion.

I can only echo what the others have said about you preferring her to get an uber home or calling you for help if it should ever happen again. But please don't go all controlling or fuddy duddy on her.
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Old 14th January 2018, 11:06 PM   #15
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I applaud her for not driving drunk. Taking an Uber isn't that great of an idea when you are a drunk woman alone at 3 a.m.

That said make it clear that you'd always be willing to come & pick her up.

If she does it again, knowing that you would come & get her, then you have a problem on your hands.

For right now try to trust her & remember that people don't make the best decisions under the influence.
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