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What is the future of my marriage?


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 3rd January 2018, 12:59 PM   #16
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Have to see my doc every 6 months (by law) to discuss my anti-depressants.

I go to the gym most days for an hour of working out.

The therapy is good, but sometimes one hour a week seems too far apart, and it's expensive.

And I do appreciate your comments. What I feared most was people saying "you need to get out of your marriage!"

A psychotherapist can be helpful, but are you also seeing a psychiatrist?

If you are taking meds., it might be helpful to review them with a doctor to make sure they are still helpful to you. If they aren't, it might be time for a change.

I have family members who have coped with mental illness, and something one of their doctors told me has always stuck in my mind. Many times, mental illness goes hand in hand with other personality issues, and while it can be hard to tease all that out, it can really pay off in the long run.

Does your wife know you feel the way you currently do? Is she able to be a source of support for you? It sounds to me ( as an armchair observer) that part of you wants to keep others at bay, as people who you aren't emotionally close to can't hurt you if hey leave. The flip side of this is that you also crave that closeness and connection.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 5:27 PM   #17
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OP plenty of us get restless and unhappy and have wanderlust. It's not your marriage that is causing your feelings, your causing your feelings and when you feel that way you look for something to blame which is unfortunately your poor family. It's sad that you don't even realize what you have. They are not to blame for how you feel, they are not causing this issue. It is your issue. I would say find some new ways to drum some challenge and excitement in your life. When you feel unhappy and trapped in your life instead of blaming your family and stewing in your negative thoughts take on something new. Look for sport or a hobby that challenges and excites you. Or maybe get involved with charity work or work on something you've been meaning to do.
Thank you!
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Old 3rd January 2018, 5:30 PM   #18
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Does your wife know you feel the way you currently do? Is she able to be a source of support for you? It sounds to me ( as an armchair observer) that part of you wants to keep others at bay, as people who you aren't emotionally close to can't hurt you if hey leave. The flip side of this is that you also crave that closeness and connection.
Yes she is definitely aware. It would be hard to not know something's going on with me. I can't tell her the full story like "I don't know if I want to be married to you" because that would be very hurtful and it would be hard for her to be supportive. So she knows that I feel like crap and she does her best to be supportive, ask how I am, run the household as normal, but of course it will be impacting her.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 7:18 PM   #19
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Thanks for sharing here and for being brave to open your heart! As far as I can see, you seem to be doing things right now! You know you love your wife and children; you are seeing a therapist and taking medication. Most important, you are asking the right questions to find answers to your situation. If you feel that talking to a therapist an hour a week is not enough, why don’t you try adding counseling to the mix? Maybe you can talk to a pastor, a priest, a counselor or a close friend often! Someone that you can trust other than your wife that can keep you accountable for your thoughts and feelings. We all need checks and balances! Find someone that can help you open your heart and mind often and take back control of them! Please let me know if you need help to find someone to talk! Maybe some additional perspective can help!
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Old 3rd January 2018, 9:05 PM   #20
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Yes she is definitely aware. It would be hard to not know something's going on with me. I can't tell her the full story like "I don't know if I want to be married to you" because that would be very hurtful and it would be hard for her to be supportive. So she knows that I feel like crap and she does her best to be supportive, ask how I am, run the household as normal, but of course it will be impacting her.
re: your wife...is there any sort of support group in your area for spouses of people with mental health issues? If so, it might be a big help for her. She can vent and listen to stories from people in a similar situation to her, and it might take part of the load off her shoulders.
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