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Found Inappropriate Saved Messages


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Old 27th December 2017, 6:46 AM   #1
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Found Inappropriate Saved Messages

Were they sent or not. Who knows.

I found them on my husbands phone. In a file called saved messages.

I think he meant to send it. Or was planning to. From the content it seems he has been communicating with this other woman. Not sure if he has expressed himself with her in a more deeper emotional manner. I know he wants to, that's why he has those written unsent maybe saved messages.

But it is obvious she is the one. And I am not.

I just have two kids with him. And a five year marriage which was very rocky, mostly because I lost my mental health as soon as I became pregnant.

But I've healed myself. I am happy. And I fixed my marriage. And mostly fixed myself.

In my mental health issues I did say to my husband repeatedly that I hated him, didn't love him and wanted a divorce. I know this must have hurt him. I always came back to him. The truth is there was never any other man for me. I am a flawed broken women that got a raw deal while being pregnant then had to endure years of pnd. I am cured now.

However my husband, I lost him on the way. I don't blame him. I don't blame me.

You can read my past threads. I have since healed a lot.

I'm not the girl for him.

And having babies has run me over.

I wish he realised, how low the quality of my life became, how still I managed to raise two amazing children on my own, how I still love him, and but, he didn't lose much when he had children, mentally or physically, it is hard being a dad, but he got the basic things in life, which if I had as a mother I would have survived. But he still had them and still drifted away.

I wish he realised.

But it doesn't matter.

I am shaking a bit. I am feeling a little low at the realisation that we don't really match, and even though I've had a terrible marriage, it makes sense. Because I wasn't really his to begin with. If he can find someone else. Then it means I was never the one.

Not sure what the next step is.

I want to, search his phone again, and find more stuff. Then I can be sure if this is something that can be overcome or not. But certainly I am not going to stay where I am not meant to be.

I feel so sad. I feel ok though. This makes sense. But tbh I will probably break apart later on.

May God have mercy on me. And especially my chidlren.
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Old 27th December 2017, 6:55 AM   #2
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I'm starting to panic. Actually.

I better raid my drug drawer to calm down. ****.

It feels like no ones fault.

I think of other men and want to vomit. Despite what my husband put me through

which is a lot of trauma, I still overcame everything, I overcame so much crap, I am proud of myself. I did so ****ing well.

But my husband wasn't as strong as me. And he dwindled behind.

He couldn't keep up with me. He realised I wasn't the one. I put him off.

Something shifted. And now he wonders about someone else.

And the messages, **** they were emotionally beautiful. Words never written for me, emotions never shared with me even in our early marriage when everything was ok.
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Old 27th December 2017, 7:08 AM   #3
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I'm heartbroken

I feel sorry for my children.

I don't know if this is normal in a marriage to crush on others, fantasize about others, I guess I accept those things, wondering is normal.

But those messages were more than that.

They felt like love.

Deep love. And deep longing. Aching love.

I think I have no choice but to let him go.

He probably will never let me go he will want to do right by the children.
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Old 27th December 2017, 7:25 AM   #4
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He put me through so much. And I would still stand by him.

He likes someone else. And I would still stand by him.

He couldn't tolerate my mental health issues.

I guess mental health issues did this.

I guess that's to blame.

If he went though what I did, I would still love him and stand by him.

The days I used to fantasise that when he gets ill, I would so take care of him.

I would stand by with him through any pain and anything. He's human. Its his job to be an *******. And mine too. Marriage is like a piece of shrapnel that never stops flying.

But he doesn't like me. He likes someone else.

I like him even when I said I didn't. I always told him. But there was never anyone other man.

I never messages anyone. I never hanged out with any man.
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Old 1st January 2018, 3:16 PM   #5
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I'm sorry for your pain. Are you going to speak to him about it? Or suggest a split?
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Old 1st January 2018, 4:39 PM   #6
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Do you have a counsellor or someone who can help you to deal with this?
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Old 1st January 2018, 5:15 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BaileyB View Post
Do you have a counsellor or someone who can help you to deal with this?
Better yet, do you have a coupleís therapist with whom you can both sit and discuss these emails/texts? Without context, this sounds pretty bad. But, what if he never did send them? What if he was just lonely while you were ill and thought about it but didnít act? What if he did act but is totally remorseful?

OP, you have gone from some found emails to the total dissolution of your marriage in one step. On top of this, you shared that you had some BH issues for awhile. I think you should take a few deep breaths, talk to your husband and a counselor and take it one step at a time. If the two of you still love each other, there May be other options for you.
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Old 1st January 2018, 8:37 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keats View Post
I've healed myself. I am happy. And I fixed my marriage. And mostly fixed myself.

In my mental health issues I did say to my husband repeatedly that I hated him, didn't love him and wanted a divorce. I know this must have hurt him. I always came back to him. The truth is there was never any other man for me. I am a flawed broken women that got a raw deal while being pregnant then had to endure years of pnd. I am cured now.
...
I wish he realised, how low the quality of my life became, how still I managed to raise two amazing children on my own, how I still love him, ...
Keats, rather than address the question of the inappropriate messages, I hope you'll step back and think about how you will deal with this whole development - besides writing LS, besides going to the drug drawer, besides falling apart. Please remind yourself that you are the person who fixed herself, IS cured and raised two amazing children on her own. You are THAT person and you want to remain that person above anything else - even above digging into what your husband's been doing. YOU are different and you MUSt focus on continuing to be that person who's done the work and understands what makes certain times in life so difficult for you

Also, however big those crises were, this will probably be the biggest one yet, and - although you will cry, you will grieve, you will feel many extreme emotions - it is completely normal for everyone to be the most distraught and upset at such a time as at any other time in their lives. That does not mean you are going back to your "mental health" issues.

Please do that before you go looking for more evidence. You are important and the only one who can keep you whole. That's first. Then, call whoever helped you get through those crises before. This is when you need an ally that knows you.
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