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Drama between my parents and wife.


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Old 20th December 2017, 2:09 PM   #16
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This isn't just "some child" though. He's the OP's son.
I was under the impression that the first day of school was a big event for parents and children.
And his parents 50th wedding anniversary isn't?
50th wedding anniversaries are like hen's teeth, kids go to school every day, and like I said he won't even remember it...

Drive to school, put the child into the school, drive home, pick up child a few hours later.
A non event, as it will still be a few days later.
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Old 20th December 2017, 5:17 PM   #17
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Even if school starts the week earlier & you can't go to the beach house for the whole week, the compromise remains you fly out Friday after school. You are there on Saturday for the party & you come home Sunday, after enjoying a long weekend with your parents for their anniversary.


It's only a 3 hour flight. Yes, that is not as much fun as a whole week at the beach but it allows the OP & his family to do both: be at the first day of school without the child missing any days AND attend the party.
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Old 20th December 2017, 5:54 PM   #18
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Many make great points. We already went through a very stressful period where several years ago when I finally stood up to them. It did not go well. Then there were some other more minor issues where I stood my ground again. They did not like it. Then we had a period where things seemed to go back to normal. Not this issue came up.

Everyone is right I will stand up tot he parents and keep my wife out of it.

The Vacation ends on the 19th of August. His first day of school is the 16th. We could go for the beginning and then leave on the 15th. Three hour plane ride and then two hour drive from the airport.
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Old 20th December 2017, 6:04 PM   #19
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The Vacation ends on the 19th of August. His first day of school is the 16th. We could go for the beginning and then leave on the 15th. Three hour plane ride and then two hour drive from the airport.

I'd do the long weekend instead. Your mother wants you there for the party. Yes, the drive to the AP makes it an all around p.i.t.a. but this anniversary will only come around once I a life time. Don't miss it & do everything in your power to make it painless on your wife. If money permits consider a car service too & from the AP. That cost is a small price to pay for safety & family harmony.
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Old 20th December 2017, 7:15 PM   #20
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Hey! Thanks for sharing here! You mention that your parents are hard to deal with but I see that you want to honor them as much as you love your own! There is nothing wrong with that! You are doing your best to be a good son and a good husband and that is the right approach! You need to make decisions that will let both your parents and your family know that they are all very important for you! If I were in your place, I would split and ask my wife to leave early and take your child to school so you can stay with your parents! Whatever decision you and your wife agree on, announce it calmly and let everyone know that it is set!
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Old 20th December 2017, 7:35 PM   #21
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That's would be my suggestion. Not sure if I have missed something, but are both parents required to show up on your son's first day of school (sorry I didn't do first grade in the US)?

Sound like you're at a tough spot between your parents and your wife. However, someone in your spot really needs to be a little more flexible and compromising.

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Originally Posted by Aiuta le mani View Post
Hey! Thanks for sharing here! You mention that your parents are hard to deal with but I see that you want to honor them as much as you love your own! There is nothing wrong with that! You are doing your best to be a good son and a good husband and that is the right approach! You need to make decisions that will let both your parents and your family know that they are all very important for you! If I were in your place, I would split and ask my wife to leave early and take your child to school so you can stay with your parents! Whatever decision you and your wife agree on, announce it calmly and let everyone know that it is set!
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Old 20th December 2017, 8:00 PM   #22
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In this situation, I'm not sure that there is any one "right" answer.

My grandparents chose to celebrate their 50th anniversary on a different day, six months before their actual anniversary, because they didn't want to disrupt Christmas for everyone or force their older family members to travel during the winter. It's a very important day, but it is just a day.

As adults, as parents, we make sacrifices all the time for our children. It's sad that your parents are not able to celebrate on another day - to allow their grandson the opportunity to attend his first day of school and reduce the conflict between you and your wife.

It doesn't sound like your parents are the kind of people to make this kind of sacrifice. I'm sorry OP, it must feel like you are between a rock and a hard place.
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Old 20th December 2017, 8:18 PM   #23
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That's would be my suggestion. Not sure if I have missed something, but are both parents required to show up on your son's first day of school (sorry I didn't do first grade in the US)?
My first day, my SAHM dumped me off in front, wished me well and then the nuns took over

Obviously, things have changed in 50-some years. Back then parents didn't sweat kid details. Three squares, a bed, some love and yeah do your chores. Getting a ride to school was a nice perk. Else it was walk or the bus. Kids were active and independent back then.

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Sound like you're at a tough spot between your parents and your wife. However, someone in your spot really needs to be a little more flexible and compromising.
Tough row to hoe with wife and in-laws at loggerheads. I have a feeling no matter what choice the OP makes, he's going to get it
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Old 20th December 2017, 9:11 PM   #24
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OP - If your parents are "judgemental bullies" your job is to stand up to them and defend your wife. She shouldn't be burdened with negotiating with them - that's your job as the man of the house.

Both my husband and I have "extremely difficult" mothers, so we have always protected each other from them. He stands between me and her, as he should.

Time to stop allowing your parents to bully you.
My husband and I are in the same situation.
We both have crazy mothers. We barely interact with them and my husband always stands up for me if his mother puts me down.
That's how every husband should protect his wife if his mother is insufferable.
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Old 20th December 2017, 10:49 PM   #25
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My first day, my SAHM dumped me off in front, wished me well and then the nuns took over

Obviously, things have changed in 50-some years. Back then parents didn't sweat kid details. Three squares, a bed, some love and yeah do your chores. Getting a ride to school was a nice perk. Else it was walk or the bus. Kids were active and independent back then.

Me too. But, on my first day of grade one, I cried on my teachers knee and it was the photo on the front page of the local newspaper.

The first day of grade one is a pretty big day, I don't blame you OP for wanting to be there with your family...
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Old 21st December 2017, 12:40 AM   #26
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And his parents 50th wedding anniversary isn't?
50th wedding anniversaries are like hen's teeth, kids go to school every day, and like I said he won't even remember it...

Drive to school, put the child into the school, drive home, pick up child a few hours later.
A non event, as it will still be a few days later.
I don't think this is a "non event" for the OP and his wife. If it was, he wouldn't be concerned about choosing between his parents' anniversary and his son's first day of school. We all place different emphasis on life events and that should be respected.

The family that is created with a spouse comes before parents. The OP's parents have a history of being unreasonable and controlling. I don't think it's healthy to continue to placate them or else they will think that they can dictate the OP's priorities. Now that the OP is a married father, the concerns of his wife and his son take precedence over his parents' demands.
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Old 21st December 2017, 10:21 AM   #27
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I don't know about elsewhere, but here it's chaos. Harried teachers, parents jockeying for attention from the teachers, younger kids getting all emotional and older kids excited with the zoomies, things missing/lost/forgotten and people trying to locate them, snacks and supplies for the year brought in by parents everywhere as no one has been able to put these things away yet, on and on. Oh, and usually the first two days are half days, anyway.

I should probably mention I live 2 doors from the local elementary school and have raised 3 kids, so I have done and seen a lot of first days.

I'd skip it if I could and let him spend that time with his extended family. If he starts a couple days late, he'll come into a more relaxed and peaceful environment.
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Old 21st December 2017, 7:04 PM   #28
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This is a great forum. Everything people are saying is valid.

I told my mom we will come for part of the trip, 11th-15th, more time on vacation together. which was better I thought. My dad then called me the next day, saying if the whole family is not there on the 18th he will be very disappointed in me. Speaking very sternly. This way of speaking is very typical for him. He is very Trump like in his behavior. So we said we will be there for the weekend of the 18th, just 17th-19th, which was one of the suggestions. Turns out that was the best one, Thank you for all the support.
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Old 23rd December 2017, 4:40 PM   #29
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Looks like drama is not over. Parents are not talking to me now. Throwing an emotional fit. I guess not talking is good. Better then talking to them.
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Old 23rd December 2017, 5:18 PM   #30
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Looks like drama is not over. Parents are not talking to me now. Throwing an emotional fit. I guess not talking is good. Better then talking to them.
My grandparents used to do this. I used to think, "well, they can get glad in the same pants they got mad..." Seriously, these kind of tantrums and the silent treatment is so childish. The last thing that you want to do is give in and give them attention/what they want. Then, it will continue to happen, again and again...

You made the right decision. A nice compromise, everyone should be happy. And if they are not... Of well. The people you need to be most concerned about are your wife and your child.

Don't waste time worrying about adults who are acting like children... They will come around, eventually. Let's hope they have already put your Christmas gifts in the mail!
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