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Crying over my ex.... why?


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Old 19th November 2017, 12:52 PM   #46
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That's for your ex wife to decide...

Clearly, he has something to offer because his mere presence has managed to get you all tied up in knots over the relationship... Which, may have been her entire purpose, all along...
I'm trying to put myself in his shoes, and I guess maybe it's a feeling of, "wow, if that's who she's going for, maybe I'm not as great as I thought! Does she consider him better than me? I should check myself!"
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Old 19th November 2017, 12:53 PM   #47
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I dunno. I couldn't shag a loser, just to hurt an ex. It'd still be me, feeling all the slimy disgust...
I couldn't either, but I don't imagine that she's looking at him as a potential long term partner right now... Not as much as she is looking to have a little fun and get back at her ex-husband, just a little bit...
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Old 19th November 2017, 12:57 PM   #48
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Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post
I'm trying to put myself in his shoes, and I guess maybe it's a feeling of, "wow, if that's who she's going for, maybe I'm not as great as I thought! Does she consider him better than me? I should check myself!"


Well, I'm with her on that! There's a lot more to life that a guy being built. I know that's what he seems to value but...
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Old 19th November 2017, 2:50 PM   #49
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That's for your ex wife to decide...

Clearly, he has something to offer because his mere presence has managed to get you all tied up in knots over the relationship... Which, may have been her entire purpose, all along...
I think this is honestly what's gong on. She swears up and down that she hasn't slept with him and isn't at all ready for a sexual relationship and she's simply just seeing him. It doesn't really matter I guess. A few of her friends messaged me and said she's only seeing this guy to make me jealous. Who knows?

Yes, my new g/f is way better looking and way more fun than my wife ever was. Yes, my marriage sucked really bad for the past 4 years. Yes, I'm jealous for whatever reason about my wife having a boyfriend. I really don't think I want to get back with her though because I was miserable for so long. I honestly think it's some weird jealousy that I'm feeling making me think it would be worth giving the relationship one my try.
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Old 19th November 2017, 3:07 PM   #50
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I think this is honestly what's gong on. She swears up and down that she hasn't slept with him and isn't at all ready for a sexual relationship and she's simply just seeing him. It doesn't really matter I guess. A few of her friends messaged me and said she's only seeing this guy to make me jealous. Who knows?

Yes, my new g/f is way better looking and way more fun than my wife ever was. Yes, my marriage sucked really bad for the past 4 years. Yes, I'm jealous for whatever reason about my wife having a boyfriend. I really don't think I want to get back with her though because I was miserable for so long. I honestly think it's some weird jealousy that I'm feeling making me think it would be worth giving the relationship one my try.
You're not over her. You thought you were because of the allure of the hot young thing, but you're not.
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Old 19th November 2017, 3:13 PM   #51
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She swears up and down that she hasn't slept with him and isn't at all ready for a sexual relationship and she's simply just seeing him. It doesn't really matter I guess. A few of her friends messaged me and said she's only seeing this guy to make me jealous. Who knows?
I'm really struggling to understand the dynamic going on here. Why are you having such explicit conversations with your ex-wife about what she is or is not doing in the bedroom? Why is SHE coughing up any information at all to you? Why are her friends messaging you about this?? Do they hope you're going to reconcile?

WHY IS THIS WOMAN'S SEX LIFE EVERYONE'S BUSINESS???
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Old 19th November 2017, 4:44 PM   #52
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And why are you talking with her friends about your relationship... Boundaries - there are none here.
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Old 19th November 2017, 5:46 PM   #53
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We were great together for so many years but we were so wrong for each other for so many as well.

I regret hurting her the way I did and I know she will now forever have trust issues with men and it's my fault. My intention was not to crush her but my selfishness and indecisiveness got the best of me.
Well remember the bolded part above when you feel sad about the break up with your wife. It's been coming for years and you were constantly complaining so now it's over and you have what you wanted. Also what your wife went through with you may not affect her ability to trust another man. Another man can heal her trust issues with his love.
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Old 19th November 2017, 5:51 PM   #54
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I think this is honestly what's gong on. She swears up and down that she hasn't slept with him and isn't at all ready for a sexual relationship and she's simply just seeing him. It doesn't really matter I guess. A few of her friends messaged me and said she's only seeing this guy to make me jealous. Who knows?
The people who messaged you that garbage are not your wife's friends. Friends don't run behind your back and call your ex who hurt you to spread your info. Those people sound more like they are friends of yours and not your ex wife.
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Old 19th November 2017, 6:08 PM   #55
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This guy isn't in shape at all. He's a frail person at best. I actually would feel better about myself if he was a good looking buy. I'm actually embarrassed for her because he is literally Paul Blart Mall Cop. Not saying that to make myself feel better but several of her friends have messaged me asking what the hell is she doing with this tool?
It's probably more about how he makes her feel then. The way he treats her... physical attributes aren't necessarily the most important thing to everyone.

After you get cheated on...confidence takes a knock.... now if he's doing the right things and saying the right things... treating her like a treasure... then he's good enough for now at least.

He may be one of many in order to get her mojo back.
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Old 19th November 2017, 6:29 PM   #56
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You say your GF is so much more fun than your wife ever was...and so much prettier.

Maybe the mall guy is more appreciative of her.

Maybe she feels he won't ditch her for a younger woman and doesn't want a handsome guy like you anymore...for fear of being dumped and cheated on.

As she'll be financially okay in the divorce... she isn't necessarily looking for a new man to offer her anything in that regard either.

You look got different things in a marriage thsn you do when you want some fun to get over an ex who cheated.

I remember being heartbroken years ago after a spilt... the guys I dated afterwards weren't all as good looking as my Ex... but they had other qualities.

Most of all..they were into me...and it was a great (and powerful) feeling. Knowing they appreciated me more than he did .. and they went to great lengths to please me. I wouldn't (at the time) have seen them as long term relationships... but they fulfilled a physical need.

Your Ex doesn't have to have had full intercourse... but their grown adults.. and she's a free agent.

Maybe she would like you to be back together...but after so much rejection .. she had no choice.

Maybe she feels the frail security guard is the next she can get right now. Who knows.

Last edited by sandylee1; 19th November 2017 at 6:33 PM.. Reason: Typo
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Old 19th November 2017, 6:50 PM   #57
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She has said that right now she just likes the idea of having someone to talk to. She says she's in non place to have a physical relationship at this point and he likes this guy because he respects that. It kinda makes sense because he's def not a good looking guy at all or even a guy with a decent job. She prob feels thisbguy will follow her to the end of the earth all the while not having sex with him

She said to me earlier that her Dr found a lump on her breast and she has to go see a specialist next month. This kills me as I've always been the first person she would talk to during difficukt times and clearly I'm not anymore

All of this is exactly why I was so hesitant with everything and so indecisive. I still love her and always will. I feel we weren't good for each other the past few years because of whatever reason and I truly wanted to fix thing

I went to marriage counseling alone because she wouldn't go. I miss being with her in many ways
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Old 19th November 2017, 6:54 PM   #58
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She has said that right now she just likes the idea of having someone to talk to. She says she's in non place to have a physical relationship at this point and he likes this guy because he respects that. It kinda makes sense because he's def not a good looking guy at all or even a guy with a decent job. She prob feels thisbguy will follow her to the end of the earth all the while not having sex with him

She said to me earlier that her Dr found a lump on her breast and she has to go see a specialist next month. This kills me as I've always been the first person she would talk to during difficukt times and clearly I'm not anymore

All of this is exactly why I was so hesitant with everything and so indecisive. I still love her and always will. I feel we weren't good for each other the past few years because of whatever reason and I truly wanted to fix thing

I went to marriage counseling alone because she wouldn't go. I miss being with her in many ways
Why wouldn't she go to marriage counseling?? What did YOU specifically want to talk about in counseling?
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Old 19th November 2017, 7:05 PM   #59
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Why wouldn't she go to marriage counseling?? What did YOU specifically want to talk about in counseling?
She refused to talk to anyone outside our marriage. Even her mother told her she needed to go and she adamantly refused. I wanted to find out why she was no longer interested in being a wife and only a mother. I went because I truly wanted to get back to where we were for so many years.

What was ironic is I got excited after many sessions and my therapist would recommend something. Eager to try it I would recommend it a few days later and her response was always "did you get that from your crazy doctor?"

I didn't go to have a bitch fest about her but to honestly fix our relationship. At the end he said that the marriage was prob not one that could be saved and one that I would ever be happy in
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Old 19th November 2017, 7:09 PM   #60
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She refused to talk to anyone outside our marriage. Even her mother told her she needed to go and she adamantly refused. I wanted to find out why she was no longer interested in being a wife and only a mother. I went because I truly wanted to get back to where we were for so many years.

What was ironic is I got excited after many sessions and my therapist would recommend something. Eager to try it I would recommend it a few days later and her response was always "did you get that from your crazy doctor?"

I didn't go to have a bitch fest about her but to honestly fix our relationship. At the end he said that the marriage was prob not one that could be saved and one that I would ever be happy in
Sorry, I was not a part of your earlier threads. I'm sure I missed a lot.

Sounds like she was checked out of the marriage and even though you cheated, she is moving on because the marriage was not meeting her needs, either.
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