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Conflicted: soon to be ex or new gf

Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 3rd September 2017, 9:10 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by Chardonnay Renée View Post
I was thinking the exact same thing. If he dumps her for his wife... OMG! How awful for that poor girl.
Well that's a tad dramatic. He doesn't owe the girl his life just because he has been dating her for a few months. New relationships fail in the first year of dating all the time and for many reasons. Just because you date someone for a few months doesn't mean you are now obligated to them for the rest of your life. When a woman decides to date a newly separated man who is not yet divorced then she is agreeing to take a certain risk. Just like the OP is taking a risk in dating a girl almost 20 yrs younger than him. There is a good chance that poor girl is going to dump him at some point.

OP it's always bad form to pick between 2 people. When people try to choose between 2 people they want some crystal ball that tells them the one they pick will be the right choice and give them the best outcome, but that is simply not possible. The choice to stay married or to divorce should never be based on a 3rd person it should be based on the marriage and the people in the marriage and whether or not you think the marriage is salvageable and has value. Your decision should have zero to do with another person.

There is no guarantees and no matter who you pick it's not going to be all blue skies and clear sailing. There will be problems and issues that will arise in either relationship. As your wife nears menopause she will go through more changes and her sex drive may drop for a time again. Do you value her enough to be able to go through that transition with her? The young girl is a total crap shoot. She may hit 30 and wonder why she has tied herself down to someone almost old enough to be her father and leave you to go spread her wings. Or she might hit 35 and suddenly decide she needs to have kids and you will be looking at raising young children and teens into your sixties. At 24 years old she is going to change a lot over the next 20 yrs and so there is no way for you to know what the future holds with her. I think when trying to decide if you should reconcile with your wife or not you should take your gf right out of the equation and base your choice on the marriage and your wife.
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Old 4th September 2017, 3:01 PM   #17
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Why are you saddling this young woman, who is at the prime of her life, with all your baggage?

What do you have to offer her?
"“there’s no better system than our own morality, not law, not science, not religion… just decency.”-R.M.
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Old 4th September 2017, 11:48 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post
It wasn't necessarily that his wife didn't like sex, it all came to a head because she was very ill with Lyme disease.
She, like a lot of people with the disease had a protracted recovery period but the OP got upset when she wouldn't put out for him, so he went off with his OW...
I agree, though I do think she didn't like sex with him. There are other intimate acts one can do and she didn't want to do those either.
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Old 7th September 2017, 2:43 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post
It wasn't necessarily that his wife didn't like sex, it all came to a head because she was very ill with Lyme disease.
She, like a lot of people with the disease had a protracted recovery period but the OP got upset when she wouldn't put out for him, so he went off with his OW...
If you read the OP's threads, you will see that his ex-wife magically became well when it was time to do something she wanted. She refused to go out on dates or look after their child. Whenever the OP's ex wife sensed that he was losing interest in the marriage, she offered to have sex with him during those times. The OP's ex pretended to be interested in improving the marriage so that he would buy a house and then she was conveniently ill again. Now she is well enough to try to entice the OP back into the marriage.

Lyme disease can be debilitating but the OP's wife was using it as a convenient excuse whenever it suited her. She is a very manipulative woman.

That said, I don't agree with the OP's decision to have an affair because he wasn't brave enough to end the marriage honorably.
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Old 12th September 2017, 9:13 AM   #20
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Hi OP, what if you get ED in a few years time just when your GF ( Possible wife by then) is at the peak of her sexual drive? If nothing else, your testosterone levels may drop due to age having a direct impact on your libido. You will put your GF in exactly the same position you are with your wife! There is a generational gap between you and your GF. The other thing is your GF may just be sowing her wild oats right now and when the time comes around to find a long term partner she will dump you a few years down the line for a young Virgil man well placed to be her partner in life. How would you feel then? Maybe something like what your wife is undergoing right now. Listen to the wise advice of others and stay single for a while to find your bearings. Warm wishes.
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Old 8th November 2017, 9:21 PM   #21
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I haven't been on here in quite some time so I wanted to update this post.

It's now been 5 months since this all started and I'm still with the same g/f. Yes, she is MUCH younger than I am but things have been awesome. We are pretty much living together and we have similar goals with our relationship. Things have progressed slowly over the past 5 months and there of course have been some ups and downs but mostly things have been great.

I cannot say enough great things about her. She's insanely beautiful, caring, intelligent, and driven. I haven't been this happy in many many years.

As for my ex we finally worked out all the details with the divorce and the finally agree on all our assets etc and depending on when the court date happens we will be divorced. She's been really difficult to deal with and has had many ups and downs obviously.

Reading some of the posts on here basically calling me out for saying my wife was ill so she couldn't have sex. It's ironic that as soon as she found out about my g/f and she wanted to get back together she hasn't been sick even one day. But, like I said before, this isn't about her being sick and my not understanding. It has been a LONG process in the making. She is miserable now and wishes she wasn't the way she was but she understands I'm not willing to go back to her or to my old life.
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