Is it normal for a woman to never cum but to still love sex and want it often?

[kellyisa84]

I've been married 4 months. I recently expressed to my husband that I would like us to have sex more often, and he said I make it feel like a chore. And it's true, I do prioritize sex so much to the point that i want to make sure we have it at least four times a week (weekends and try to fit in two weeknights no matter what). In life we're always going be tired from work or something, so I try not to let that stop us, knowing that once you get going, you do get in the mood even if you weren't in the beginning. The last thing I want is to become one of those wives who never puts out (I've seen men in my family complain about those types and they end up cheating, so there's some background to that). The most hurtful thing about this is that, another reason he doesn't prioritize sex is because I don't cum.... and he's used to being the one who doesn't cum while the woman is the one who cums. But with me, he says, he always has to come. I guess that is also how I got used to. I may not cum but I just love the whole experience of sex, the sounds, the taste, the feeling of making the man melt. The funny thing about this is that in spite of the fact that his ex would cum as he says she did, he still told me in the beginning that his ex would force him to have sex and that he leaned more toward asexuality, but that when he met me it changed and that now he wants sex. So maybe seeing the woman come wasnt so great especially since he married me, not her (though he dragged her on and off for ten years and married me on our second anniversary).

 

This whole time that i felt like I was a great girlfriend and now wife to put so much emphasis on sex , to him I was still less than great enough because of other women he's had who come and flow like a river. Now, he admitted this only because I told him that I thought it was common knowledge that most women don't cum. I tried to show him articles and he said it's BS. It hurts that he sees me as somehow less sexually desirable because of that. He must think himself such a stud that his ex would "force" him and now me making a big deal about sex. He doesn't see that it's because we're married and who else am I supposed to have it with? I just want our marriage to flourish and I know that's one of the most important thing.

 

While other guys have wondered about that and have wished to make me cum, it's never made a man want it less often. My husband said that because of that, he wanted our relationship to be less about sex and more about other things that make a marriage great. And that's GREAT and all, but I'm a lustful person and as much as I need my vibrator for the release, I still need the constant warmth and pounding of a man.... especially romantic when it's your own husband you're having the Hot affair with. I've been married before and we used to do it every day. I'm an attractive lady and know at least three guys I'm comfortable with who would take me in an instant. Now, I didn't say this to my husband (that's a jerky thing to say), I'm just sharing that here to illustrate what a difficult position it is to know you can have someone else any time but have to struggle with your own husband who suddenly thinks too much into things.

 

He's always known I don't come and that I just love having sex and seeing him cum. Lately I feel like it's been me who initiates it more, and he does it with such an annoyed face. And it's true, he's been stressed at work and our clocks are at opposite ends-- id rather have sex early soon after we get home while I'm still awake enough to enjoy it, and he prefers it late at night right before sleep. And I did notice him initiate more since we had that talk, but it hurts me to think that no matter how well I think I am doing in bed to please him, the fact that he's had other women who cum like a river and I do not will always cloud the experience. And I know luckily, for him it's not only about sex and he loves other things about me, but to me it's an ego killer and makes me wonder if I'm really that rare.

[Simple Logic]

Are you saying you never have an orgasm or never have an orgasm from intercourse. If you never have an orgasm, your husband feels rather inadequate.

[kellyisa84]

Yes, but it's ME, not him. Am I that rare?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Are you saying you never have an orgasm or never have an orgasm from intercourse. If you never have an orgasm, your husband feels rather inadequate.

 

I was going to ask the same question, and also added to this, sounds like he has a very low sex drive that he likes to pass off as blame on the woman he's with.

[kellyisa84]

I was going to ask the same question, and also added to this, sounds like he has a very low sex drive that he likes to pass off as blame on the woman he's with.

 

Yeah, I get that impression too. In our early dating days, he shared stories with a common theme--he'd always be the guy who doesn't care to get in a woman's pants and hence the one girls wanted. Low libido must be a habit. As for me, I got used to the male way, with sex as one of the most important parts so long has he's meeting the emotional side-- which he does.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Yes, but it's ME, not him. Am I that rare?

 

Not sure what you mean. Have you ever had an orgasm?

[preraph]

It's not unusual at all. But guys are egotistical and can't handle that they can't make you orgasm and I don't know any who aren't. There's different reasons. You may be so into him that you can't relax enough to do it. I have definitely been like that. I'm less likely to orgasm with a guy I am really passionate about. So at some point if you lose the passion, you may orgasm but you may actually not enjoy it as much. I know this sounds crazy to men because they have a distinct finish and are miserable if they don't finish.

 

And then of course, most men do not know how or take the time to get a woman off, even if she can relax and get off. But if you stay with someone long enough, you need to get comfortable with telling them what to do if they want results. But results are not always in the cards. Much easier to orgasm just doing it to yourself.

[BaileyB]

Yes, but it's ME, not him. Am I that rare?

 

No, you are not rare.

 

But, it does sound like your husband has a lower sex drive than you. It sounds like a bit of a miss-match.

[sandylee1]

So even with oral sex or manual stimulation you have never had an orgasim with a man?

 

That must be because you aren't relaxed enough, or the man isn't stimulating you properly.

 

Try and work on that.... Use your vibrator with him and guide his hands with your hand over

 

It can take much longer for women to get to their peak and some men aren't patient or knowledgeable enough.

[kellyisa84]

So even with oral sex or manual stimulation you have never had an orgasim with a man?

 

That must be because you aren't relaxed enough, or the man isn't stimulating you properly.

 

Try and work on that.... Use your vibrator with him and guide his hands with your hand over

 

It can take much longer for women to get to their peak and some men aren't patient or knowledgeable enough.

 

When I'm alone with my vibrator, I come very quickly. But that's always been a cold way to get a release, just a complement to an already very active intercourse sex life. About oral sex--- oh god, I am SOOOOO ticklish! I hate myself. I wish my guy wasn't complicated and just wanted to finish on me every day without worrying about me. Having it less often is NOT making whatever issues I have better.

 

I could do it with the vibrator with him.

[alsudduth]

Yes, but it's ME, not him. Am I that rare?

 

I'm the same way. I very rarely orgasm when having intercourse, and even if I do there isn't some messy spurt of fluids....it's more of an internal feeling. Luckily for me though, it doesn't seem to bother my H so much. I'm sure he would love it if I had an orgasm every time we had sex, but it just doesn't happen. It's nothing to do with him.

[Els]

I could do it with the vibrator with him.

 

Why don't you? This seems like the easiest solution, assuming all else is well with your relationship. He can give you a few Os with the vibrator, then you two can do intercourse or whatever else you want.

 

It isn't necessarily true that "most women don't cum during sex". Yes, the majority of women don't cum during intercourse. But that's not the same thing. Lots of women do O regularly during sex with a partner - not always during intercourse, but often during oral or manual or vibe stimulation. I orgasm as often as my partner does, if you don't count multiples.

 

You could argue that you should be the one to decide whether you want to cum or not - and yes, that's true. But on the other hand, (1) why would you deny yourself the pleasure?, and (2) some men are just hardwired to find women's orgasms arousing. They can't help it any more than they can help finding the sight of boobs or female genitalia arousing.

 

That said, I do agree that, based on your posts, he seems to project a lot and make a lot of comparisons with exes. Personally, that sort of behaviour in a man would turn me off.

Edited August 29, 2017 by Elswyth

[Steve51]

Reminds me of my ex fiancé. She always wanted sex and even would duck out of a dinner with her folks so we could get home before them and have sex. She never could achieve an oragsm though. She ended up cheating on me trying to find that exclusive orgasms going from man to man. She found an immigrant who needed a green card and was OK with her not having orgasms, so she married him and cheated on him too.

 

She finally found what she was missing in sex all of those years in the arms of her wife. Seems that it was not me, it was because I did not have a vagina. Although my wife had and still has intense orgasms with me in under 3 minutes most times, I did not discover she was bi until after 7 years of our 45 years of marriage. We ended up sharing her girlfriend and my wife stopped liking intercourse, preferring the type of sex she has with women. My wife can only orgams with one man, that is me, for some reason but she loves having another woman in bed. A man and woman with her in bed is her best sex. I would have sex with our girlfriend after our nightly threesomes as her girlfriend was more into guys than my wife, but my wife was good with just her orgasms by me and her girlfriend in our threesome.

 

We are now just a couple and it took some time but my wife is once again having very intense orgasms but by her vibrator more than by me. She has no problem in giving me oral and taking care of my needs. She just does not get orgasms from intercourse like many woman.

[anika99]

Stimulate your clitorous during intercourse. If you are too ticklish to touch it directly then just manipulate the hood or rub around the clitorous. I never used to orgasm during intercourse until I realized I could play with myself during and it's a visual that most guys like.

 

In addition to stimulating yourself you need to relax during intercourse and not be hyper focussed on his experience. You need to be attentive to yourself as well. Just sort of let your mind go with the flow. Orgasms during intercourse are amazing, but I can't have one without clitoral stimulation.

 

Also it's highly doubtful that your husband's natural sex drive has really changed just because he's with you now. His drive was probably a little higher during his pursuit of you because that phase of a relationship tends to increase the sex drive of most people. Also after being with the same woman for 10yrs you were something new to him and that was exciting. Now that he has won you and you are no longer new to him his sex drive will probably return to its naturally lower state.

 

Women need to be careful when men say things about how they are different just because they are with her now. The man might really believe it when they say that and the woman believes him because her ego enjoys the flattery but the truth is that we don't suddenly become different people when we get a different partner. Wherever you go there you are.

 

Lastly I think you need to stop demanding more sex if you don't want to completely destroy your sexual relationship with your husband. When someone tells you that you are making sex feel like a chore that is a clear message to back off. If you are already having sex four times a week with your low drive husband then you are already a success and you're turning sex into an issue when there is nothing wrong.

[IndigoNight]

Not having an orgasm during intercourse is not rare for women, with up to a third of women who claim they do not achieve orgasm during sex. Some women just don't orgasm, but still enjoy sex. Some can orgasm only during certain acts (oral, etc) or with multiple forms of stimulation, and some never will.

 

If your (OP) husband is telling you that you make sex a chore, it might be time to rethink how you prioritize your sex life. While a lack of sex can cause problems, so can ignoring your partner's feelings about sex. Try asking him what he wants. If he is happy with once a week, but you want four nights, try meeting in the middle at twice. You worry about a man cheating if he doesn't get enough sex at home. Have you considered that some men cheat because their wife makes them feel inadequate, has unreasonable demands, doesn't respond to their bedroom skills, etc. Ask him what he wants.

 

When it comes to sex, quality should be more of a priority than quantity in a loving relationship. Personally, I would rather have 1-2 really great lovemaking sessions a week over 4 not-so-mind-blowing sessions. Sure, I would be happy with sex every night IF it was good sex. If it was mediocre at best, I'd be bored out of my mind by the end of the week; if I even lasted that long.

 

Planning date nights when schedules are hectic is understandable. Planning sex to the point one's spouse equates it to a chore is rather tragic. Sex should be fun, not a chore. It should be intimate, exciting, playful, relaxing, and so much more...not lumped in with doing dishes or mowing the yard (ie: chores)

 

Sex starts outside the bedroom with simple gestures like holding hands, touching, teasing kisses, etc. Seduce your husband! Let your husband seduce you! Above all, remember to have fun.