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Is cheating inevitable?


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xenawarriorprincess

I’ve never been unfaithful to my husband and I can honestly say that I’ve never even had a desire to stray emotionally or physically in the 14 years that we’ve been together (it’s not because I am Asexual either! I have a very healthy sexual appetite ;)) . I have been a believer that true loyalty can exist within a marriage if both partners are genuinely invested and both partners strive to be committed to one another.

 

But having been a member of this community for several months and reading so many posts about infidelity (most of which have been posted in the marriage section not even those included in the infidelity section), I’ve come to the assertion that perhaps fidelity in a long-term relationship is not as common place as it perhaps should be.

 

All of the stories about cheating whether the cheating is a one night stand or a long term affair has made me believe that maybe loyalty and fidelity within a marriage is unrealistic and to hope and assume that your spouse maintain fidelity within the relationship is only setting yourself up for disappointment when and if they let you down.

 

I’ve also noticed that the word for cheating is subjective. Many people believe that chatting/flirting and texting isn’t a big deal and it’s just playful, while others go as far as calling it an emotional affair. I don’t like to leave things up for debate in my marriage, so I’ve always said, “if you have to hide it, or if you would feel uncomfortable if I was doing it, then it’s probably something you shouldn’t be doing”.

 

I feel as though reading all of these posts about infidelity has made me realize that perhaps the entire notion of 100% fidelity between 2 people in long-term relationships is most likely unrealistic and unachievable and to be honest reading all of these posts caused me to become insecure, wondering whether or not my husband had cheated and will he cheat and if he hadn’t, is it because he valued fidelity or is it because of lack of opportunity? The whole thing made me depressed. I also began thinking that if cheating is as common place as it appears to be from reading all of these posts, then why bother worrying about it at all? Why up and leave your beloved partner so that you can go out and make a life with someone else who may cheat on you again?

 

What I have learned from reading all of these posts is that I am not going to worry about whether or not my husband has or will cheat on me. I am simply going to enjoy our time together. If cheating in long term relationships is inevitable than worrying about it is futile and if it’s not, then great news for me!

 

I can’t say for sure whether my husband has always been faithful, but I am going to assume he has been because I don’t know otherwise. All I know for certain is that I’ve been faithful and that I will continue to be because I value being a trustworthy partner.

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Most animals are not monogamous. Those that are not are those that have a societal structure like Chimpanzees and humans. It is easy to see that monogamy is not genetic but established by outside forces. The reasons for monogamy no longer exist. Women do not need to make sure their men do not wander because he would protect and provide for her and her children. Men no longer have to worry about spending their limited time and resources raising a child that does not carry his genes. Birth control, DNA testing, sperm banks and protection by the military and police have change the game.

 

Men and women are designed to continue to have orgasms even after a child is conceived. Men can theoretically impregnate several women a day. Women are driven to have sex with as many males as possible to up the odds of having a child strong enough to survive the harsh times of ancient days. We are genetically inclined to keep looking for the best mates we can find. These days it is not being a good hunter or protector. It is wealth, power, good looks, intelligence and any other sign of having good genes. Monogamy results in couples who both have bad genes producing kids with bad genes. In modern times those kids get to live and pass along their inferior genes too.That is not in the best interest in our species. Evolution/nature favors anything that results in the successful passing on of our genes to the next generations. We tend to think we are in control but it is our genes that get to be immortal, not us. They get to form another host to get them to the generation after that.

 

You can cure cancer but if you do not procreate, your genetic line is dead. Sex is our reason for existence but most refuse to accept that and provide religious or other reasons for why we are all here. We are all here because our ancestors successfully had sex that passed along their genes, not because of anything else they did.

 

The rate of extramarital affairs is about the same as divorces, 50/50. But that is not a one to one relationships. In other words, 50% of marriages will end for reasons other than just cheating, leaving a good number who remain married and oblivious to their spouses' cheating or looking the other way as some husbands I knew did. Every boss, male and female, I had over the last 52 years of working, cheated on their spouses. Our siblings and friends all divorced due to cheating. In two cases both spouses were cheating without the other's knowledge.

 

My wife and I looked at the married couples we knew and even our siblings and saw that marriage which is a construct of society to bring order to the world and religion to control the masses by controlling their most primal and strongest urges. Why do we enter into a lifelong contract with a 50% fail rate? Would we buy a car that may not work half of the time? It is because the chemical process that causes the feeling of love, blinds us to each other's faults and makes us want to be with each other as much as possible. Did you think love comes from our hearts? :) Everything we feel is stored as chemicals in our brain.

 

We will all be attracted to other potential mates. We may use our brains to deflect that but sometimes emotions come into play and we all know that when emotions take over, humans make bad choices. Add some inhibition reducing agents like alcohol and other drugs or unfulfilled needs at home and guess what happens. Look at my signature block. That is what monogamy does. No two people can fulfill all of each other's needs, even if they want to. For instance I do not have a vagina that my bisexual wife needs. I have a genius level IQ and she barely made it out of secretarial school. We could have both cheated but instead found the perfect solution in a freind who was treated as family since our teenage years. She held two Master's Degrees and thought with her emotions just like my wife and was also bi too. As three we were complete. We were together for 30 years of our 45 year marriage and she is still our girlfriend but her husband lost all their money on the stock market and they could no longer afford to move with us. Yes, I said her husband. Until you peek behind that curtain, you will never know how many marriages are non traditional. We were floored by the couples we knew that were non monogamous.

 

My wife and I both agree that had we insisted on monogamy, we would have divorced a long time ago. Instead we are what we call monogamish. We sometimes played with others as a couple simply for the sexual fun. We learned that sex can be just sex and not love making. We also learned that you can put your marriage first, every above monogamy. As long as it was the exception and not the rule, an occasional fling for whatever sexual or mental need, was not a deal breaker. Funny thing is that giving each other permission for ethical non monogamy removed the taboo from it and made it less desirable. I spent 3 months of every year for a decade travelling overseas. Easy to have sex with others but I never did while my monogamous co-workers cheated.

 

So we are all genetically designed to want sex with others, even emotional relationships when what we need emotionally is not met in our marriage. As strange as it sounds, the process of a non monogamous married forces you to communicate a lot and even if you remain monogamous, the communication that you established can strengthen your monogamous marriage. How many spouses say that they cheated because their needs were not being met by their spouses. Quite a bit because they do not communicate their needs. They are embarrassed or afraid to bring up sensitive subjects. My wife never had sex with another man or woman unless I took part. She told me that she had no reason too. The sex was great. She reaches orgasms in under 3 minutes with me even at the age of 65 because she tells me her sexual likes and dislikes. She tells me about emotional needs that she needs fulfilled and I try to fulfill them or we find someone who can. We do not view ourselves as half of a couple or as owning any part of the other including sexual pleasure.

 

Our wonderful marriage and sex life has enabled me to pursue a career that gives us a lifestyle where we seldom have to worry about money and can spoil ourselves with expensive toys and vacations. We are living in our 9th house and our last move was our 13th relocation. As it says in my signature block, "I’ve seen how monogamy breeds an almost viral tendency to take the other person for granted, to have huge expectations, and to deliver this all from a sense of duty and obligation — without a thank you!" Every married woman I dated in my very early days when I was single and good looking, complained that their husbands took them for granted and no longer made them feel sexually desirable or attractive. Sex became boring and monotonous, even non existent in some cases. They wanted the courtship stage of sex that they had before they got married. You know the one where the guy does not pass gas in front of you and you never have to poop. :)

 

We also grow as individuals. I know that my wife and I are not the same people we were when we married 45 years ago. We have separate interest and let each other pursue them. Much too old and infirmed now to be non monogamous as we need to care for each other and too many wrinkles in bed is not a pretty sight. :) Sex is something all creatures do. Nothing special or sacred. It is only that, because we have been taught to think of it as such. There is still an element of ownership in each other. Men are insecure. What if she finds someone more good looking, has a bigger penis, is better in bed or can provide her and your kids a much better life. They also fear loss, the loss of their spouse. These are the two elements that create jealousy.

 

We are not monogamous. We are serial monogamous. We rather drown in our existing morality than seek the safety of a different morality. If you want to have sex with a hot women you are strongly attracted to, the moral thing is to destroy the life you created with your wife and kids, bankrupt yourself with lawyer fees and alimony payments and only see your kids on weekends. That is morally superior to just telling your wife that you just feel a need to have sex with that girl and that is all it will be. You come home right after as your rules state and that is it. Marriage still going on as usual and no one hurt because this is within the framework of your marriage design, not someone else's.

 

A friend once asked me if I worry that my wife is having sex with different guys every day I am out of the country with no way to know. My reply was that even if she was doing that, it has not made a ripple in our marriage or changed how she feels about me, so who cares and I would feel compersion for her which is pleasure in her pleasure. I have lived in monogamy, poly and ethical non monogamy conditions of marriage. I truly have let go of the one I love and she came back. That kind of love is much better than the one I used to have where my partner stayed with me out of a sense of duty and because society said she should.

 

As someone who was tuned into the poly and non monogamous community, today more college educated married couples are exploring various forms of non monogamy. 40% of children are born out of wedlock and people are getting married at much older ages than in the past. I got married at 21 which is what men did in my time. If interested read some of the articles below. They contain good information even for monogamous couples. I am not trying to sell anyone on non monogamy simply because I saw it fail more than succeed but much of that can be attributed to couples using it to try to fix a bad marriage when non monogamy is more difficult to do.

 

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-25823/how-an-extramarital-affair-could-save-your-marriage.html

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/201310/the-curious-couples-guide-occasional-non-monogamy

 

Why My Husband & I Sometimes Have Sex With Other People - mindbodygreen

 

No matter if you are monogamous or not, you still will be attracted to others and sometimes your emotions will override your judgement. My old friends who called me immoral and could not understand how I could be a man and stand knowing my wife had sex with another man or girls, despite being a decorated combat bet and alpha to a fault. I am so secure in what I bring to the table and did not build our marriage on the foundation of monogamy but rather the certain knowledge that my wife and I would be life partners. They are all on the second or third divorces while we are still going strong. Yet they feel that they have the moral high ground despite divorces and kids they rarely see not to mention the hatred between them and their exes. Go figure.

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I don't believe that cheating is inevitable.

 

I have many examples in my life of people who have loved and stayed faithful to their partner for many, many years. I definitely believe that this kind of love and commitment is possible...

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Spending too much time on these boards can alter your view of society.

 

You see all the problems, but if things are good, not so much.

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Cheating is not inevitable. Some marriages are simply good, and some people actually have integrity (and usually avoid situations where it could be tested).

 

 

As you say, "... true loyalty can exist within a marriage if both partners are genuinely invested and both partners strive to be committed to one another." The key is that BOTH care enough about each other to preserve the marriage on the terms they've agreed to honor. If not, then only integrity will prevent someone from acting on temptation.

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It is not inevitable, but there are a lot of things that take place in marriages to make it possible or even probable.

 

First and for most, look at all the posts about people with disparate sex drives, or men and woman without enough experience to know what they are doing.

 

Or, people that do not place a value on sex in a relationship, which I can't even wrap my head around.

 

Or all of the men and woman that have communication issues about everything and they let their sex drive get killed in the process.

 

It is hard to say what the most basic problems with relationships and sex are, there just seem to be so many.

 

But to those men and woman that are not sexually active with their partners and you are not meeting each others needs, eventually a lot of those people are going to cheat. It is just the way that it is.

 

As horrible as my marriage was, if we did not have a very healthy sex life in spite of our problems, I can defiantly say that it would have been over much much sooner...

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Betrayed&Stayed

The lesson to walk away with is not that affairs are inevitable, but no couple/person is exempt from the possibility of an affair. Given a certain set of circumstances, it can happen to most people/couples.

 

I just read a statistic (for what that is worth) that 60% of men who have affairs thought that they would NEVER have one. My wife is one of those people that prior to her affair would NEVER have one. Read all of the stories on this website (Infidelity, OW/OM) and the vast majority say the same thing "I never thought I would be in this position, but..."

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Definitely not inevitable. But there are very significant risk factors that can move it from "unlikely" to "very likely". People seem to hate it when I talk about this, but, here goes, bring on the venom. ;)

 

The thing that people hate are the generalizations, however, without them, there's no way to discuss this with any degree of clarity beyond the given stats (about 50% of marriages, which, I think is way low; my marriage has experienced infidelity, and, with the exception of the people on this board, nobody on earth knows, so, we wouldn't be counted in any stats). To get some clarity, you need to dig deeper and look at the risk factors to have some predictive capability.

 

Let me draw 2 scenerios. A couple meets at 16 in HS, grows up in a small town and stay there. Live in a very rural area where there's a high degree of trust among the community. Both work locally and are home every night, both know each others work friends and spend a lot of time together with other couples. Neither partner is especially beautiful, the man makes a good salary, but nothing more than most other men in the community. They have a strong religious upbringing.

 

This couple has a very low chance of infidelity, IMHO.

 

Now, let's build another couple (real life example, my cousin). Husband is a doctor who travels extensively for work and works closely with many women. Wife is a nurse who works closely with doctors (but not her husband). Husband and wife are both well above average for attractiveness. No religious beliefs.

 

This couple has a very high risk of infidelity, IMHO. Because this is a real situation, I can tell you the result, wife gave birth to child, husband cheated multiple times with people from work. Wife forgave (no idea if husband stopped cheating, I doubt it), wife then cheated with someone from her past. Marriage over.

 

Certain things skew the chances of cheating dramatically. A lot of travel for work, lack of religious belief, lots of sexual experience, strong sex drive, above average attractiveness, high income, position of power. Marry a man like that, you have a much higher chance of experiencing some infidelity in your relationship.

 

Now, want to hear the funny thing? I just described myself (in the "risk factors"), nearly to a T. Last year, I was on the road for close to 100 days out of the year, much of it out of the country for weeks at a time. I did not cheat, but my wife who has some of the risk factors, but not all, did cheat. So, let's be careful not to be too prescriptive here, it is predictive, yes, IMHO, it is. Is it a totality? No, it most certainly is not! End of the day, you can marry a rock star who's impossibly good looking, has panties thrown at him every day, rich and powerful and have a faithful marriage. Or you can marry a down in the dirt bum who's missing all but 3 teeth and have infidelity. The character of the person does determine the eventual outcome, but, especially for men, infidelity is often opportunistic; they do this with people who make it easy for them, and, the higher you climb on the sexual attractiveness scale, the easier it becomes. Just go into relationships with your eyes wide open, if everyone you know drools at your husband/wife, there's a good chance that eventually one of them will get through their armor. For me, while I'm not exactly drool worthy, my answer has been "get better armor". I won't meet in private with women who aren't my wife EVER for ANY reason. I rarely engage women at work, I never try to initiate a friendship with a woman and will push away those that try to initiate one with me. Basically what I do is artificially remove the opportunity for myself. It's worked so far, but, if you're married to a rich, powerful, good looking man who has a ton of attractive female friends? Good luck. Because I don't know any men who fall into that category who haven't stepped over the line.

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xenawarriorprincess

I agree with everything that you’ve stated, truly. From a scientific standpoint it makes perfect sense and I am a huge believer in evolution and the evolutionary reasons as to why humans act in various ways. I also love and I mean love watching animal documentaries! I realize that animals are rarely ever monogamous and that we too are animals.

 

However, that being said, a major point I would like to point out that I noticed in your wonderful post is that you are NOT LYING to your wife and she isn’t lying to you! Your arrangement is mutual as you have made it clear that you both know and agree that an open marital arrangement is beneficial.

 

Your type of agreed upon dynamic is not IMO cheating at all because cheating implies deceit! The whole facade of I’m loving and loyal, but secretly I’m living a double life-- That’s where people feel betrayed, humiliated, and devastated. Those feeling wouldn’t come from an agreed upon, mutually accepted marital dynamic because there would be no sneaking or lying.

 

My post isn’t about the morality of opening up a marriage or any agreed upon marital arrangement based upon the lack of apparent fidelity within a marriage. I’m going to quote the Sex and the City movie and say that “Every couple has the right to make their own rules”.

 

My post is about when both couples agree upon monogamy as the mutually accepted marital dynamic, is infidelity STILL inevitable? Many of the spouses who have confessed here have stated that if their spouses were the ones to have cheated they would also feel betrayed and horrified. That being said, even when monogamy is the agreed upon dynamic by both partners (because both men and women most often do not wish to open their marriages), sneaking around and cheating continues to remain an issue. So perhaps true fidelity isn’t realistic.

 

As you stated, once the taboo over “cheating” was removed you had less of a desire to go outside of your marriage. So perhaps the excitement of the double life is really what people crave???

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I don't believe cheating is inevitable. I do believe if we are intentionally obtuse enough to not look at ALL the risk factors for cheating within a marriage, we are setting ourselves up for failure.

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xenawarriorprincess
I agree with everything that you’ve stated, truly. From a scientific standpoint it makes perfect sense and I am a huge believer in evolution and the evolutionary reasons as to why humans act in various ways. I also love and I mean love watching animal documentaries! I realize that animals are rarely ever monogamous and that we too are animals.

 

This was in reply to Steve51. I forgot to quote you.

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I don't believe cheating is inevitable but I do believe marriage is boring.

 

Some people like that, some people don't.

 

I thought it was interesting that you focused on your husband and never asked whether YOU would cheat.

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xenawarriorprincess

 

I thought it was interesting that you focused on your husband and never asked whether YOU would cheat.

 

I did mention in my original post that I honestly never had a desire to. Whether that desire will change, I don't know. I do know that I have been content and happy to be faithfully devoted to my husband for the entirety of my marriage. I value honestly, and I am very loyal. But my post is about how my perception of marriage and cheating has changed due to my participation in this community.

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I don't think cheating is inevitable. There are a lot of individualized factors - one's own morals and attitudes as well as other circumstances and past history. I agree that LS reveals a surprising picture of how prevalent cheating is. How do so many people have the nerve or guts to risk that kind of destructive drama? I worry that if I'm the least bit forward with a woman I will be slapped in the face. Also, according to LS, I seem to be the only married man who's never had another woman express interest in him as well as the only college professor who's never had a girl crush on him. I don't know what to think about that.

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MidnightBlue1980

Like Blues said, it depends on the state of the marriage and if both spouses are getting their sexual and emotional needs yet. If they are not, then it is somewhat inevitable as soon as opportunity presents itself. That is a generalization as I do know people in real life in this situation and instead of cheating, they find solace in food and alcohol. They also tend to be heavy. They have told though, they'd cheat in a minute but no one ever seems interested.

 

Then there is the camp where the people ARE getting their needs met but they cheat anyway, just because opportunity presents itself and a lot of people would do it if they thought they would not get caught. People like variety and excitement. Affairs make them feel alive.

 

So who wouldn't cheat? People who know the pain an affair causes - not so much to their spouse but also to themselves. Once you put your hand in the oven, you are not so likely to do it again because you remember the pain.

 

The people who say they would never cheat are often the ones who do as they have an unrealistic view of monogamy. People fail us all the time. Why should this be any different?

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Depending on whether you b3elieve the statistics - about half of all marriages will experience cheating. Within that half - its 60% men and 40% the women cheating. With women increasing and men decreasing - in other words women are catching up in the cheating odds.

 

Again if you believe those statistics. I mean how do you confirm who cheats - lots of them never get found out.

 

Also I suspect PA's are clear cut - but when does emotional really become an EA?

 

 

What i would find interesting is how many of affairs occur in happy marriages or marriage that kind of were heading down the tubes anyway.

 

In my first marriage there was a PA - but my wife had built up resentment and had a foot out the door anyway. Kind of makes sense - not saying its justified but I understand it, but she could have just divorced me first (no kids).

 

In my second marriage there was a complicated (way complicated) EA's (yes more than one) but she was very happy and in fact it happened while we were on our way to getting married and until very shortly after the wedding and may have gone on longer had it not come out. This was harder to deal with - why would a happy person cheat? I know why now.

 

 

I guess I can say affairs are not rare and happen and its complicated.

Edited by dichotomy
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If cheating is inevitable....then there's never been a marriage and there will never be a marriage where cheating hasn't occurred.

 

That would be quite a claim.

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Mrs. John Adams

I don't believe cheating in inevitable...and John and i are the first couple OT described who were his low probability couple. So that shoots the crap out of that theory since we both cheated.

 

Any marriage can be touched by infidelity...however i think you must "work" at affair proofing your relationship. I cannot stress enough how important communication is in addition to Transparency, boundaries, honesty....unconditional, unselfish love....putting your spouses needs before your own.

 

If you are not talking about and dealing with the little things that can weaken a relationship...they can turn into bigger things.

 

and this one is so important...never assume your spouse knows you love them. SHOW them you love them...TELL them you love them....don't take them for granted. How many infidelities occur because one of the spouses FEELS like the other one no longer cares....and how many times are they wrong?

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Trail Blazer

I don't think it's inevitable. Under the right circumstances though, I think no marriage is immune to emotional infidelity. For many who can, when they aren't happy in a marriage they will simply leave prior to physically cheating. It is when people feel completely trapped, extremely unhappy and disconnected from their spouse when things have the potential to go real bad.

 

I don't feel that I can leave my marriage. Not at least until the kids are adults. With a physical and emotional disconnect to my wife, I see myself as being in the high risk zone for cheating. Have I emotionally cheated? Plenty of times. Have I acted on my urges? No. But I do genuinely fear the future as things only seem to get worse. There's only so many times I'll walk away before slipping up eventually.

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major_merrick

I've been both the cheater and the one cheated on. Never married, but LTR. I think that it is inevitable for some people. Some folks are just a higher risk than others, and it is hard to generalize things to "all people will eventually..." For me, I'm a "high risk" and I'm very prone to cheating. My sex drive is high, and my hormones override my brain pretty easily. But I love my GFs and I try to stay focused on that. So far, I haven't cheated in my current relationship in spite of multiple temptations. I think it is possible for anyone to cheat under the right circumstances. I also think it is possible (God, I hope so!) for a cheater to change.

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I don't think it's inevitable. In fact, I think you can easily connect two people with a healthy sense of integrity and not have it occur. It all depends on the two people involved.

 

The problem is that you really don't KNOW your spouse as well as you might think. You only know what they show you.

 

What I have learned is to no longer have BLIND faith in anyone. We have a tendency to believe that other people will think and behave as we will think and behave. You are a good example; you would never think to betray your spouse and probably enforce boundaries with yourself if there was a temptation so you THINK that other people think and behave the way you do. I no longer think that's a wise way to view the world.

 

Secondly, I have learned to "trust your gut." If something seems off, I will investigate it. I don't dismiss red flags. I ponder them and investigate as necessary.

 

Marriage is the contract of all contracts. It involves the commitment of the rest of your life in all facets of life. Ironically, there's almost no consequences if your partner in that contract breaks the contract in the most heinous fashion. I will no longer foolishly blindly trust that it can't or won't happen.

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I do not believe cheating is inevitable. If you believe the statistics on infidelity, the majority of marriages still do not experience cheating. I think most people still have a moral compass. Reading forums such as this you could come to the conclusion that most couples experience cheating, however this type of forum attracts couples with problems, often cheating. Had we never experienced infidelity, we would not be here. So, always cherish and protect your marriage and you should make it to the finish line without ever joining the infidelity club.

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I do not believe cheating is inevitable. If you believe the statistics on infidelity, the majority of marriages still do not experience cheating. I think most people still have a moral compass. Reading forums such as this you could come to the conclusion that most couples experience cheating, however this type of forum attracts couples with problems, often cheating. Had we never experienced infidelity, we would not be here. So, always cherish and protect your marriage and you should make it to the finish line without ever joining the infidelity club.

 

I agree with this except to say that sometimes you do cherish your marriage, and infidelity happens anyway. It's the individual that fails, not the marriage or the betrayed spouse. You can take all of the precautions to safe guard and infidelity-proof your marriage and if the other spouse is weak or broken, it can still happen.

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Again depending on what statistics you believe - 1/3 to over half. You can say looking at the lower number ...."well 66 percent dont cheat!". Younger me (before I was cheated on) would have said "no way that happens that much!".. But now I see human behavior for what it is - it just is. It moves beyond trust or not trust to just understanding people are flawed creatures- and a long marriage can be tough work.

 

Infidelity Statistics ? Statistic Brain

 

https://www.truthaboutdeception.com/cheating-and-infidelity/stats-about-infidelity.html

 

https://www.trustify.info/blog/infidelity-statistics-2017

 

 

as I like to say to people who like pets - all dogs can bite you. Even a nice happy golden retriever when sick, hurt, or threatened can and may bite you at some point. If you love fury companions (and they are wonderful) - just accept it can or may happen at some point and just try to do what you can and keep an eye out.

 

Inevitable ? NO - but a lot more likely than most people want to accept.

Edited by dichotomy
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I think that it is inevitable for some people.

 

^^Is the bottom line and why no-one is really surprised when some people cheat.

It is in the DNA, it is just who they are. They may "play nice" for a while but given the golden opportunity...

 

Leopards rarely change their spots and too many it seems to me enter into LTRs and marriages with people they know have cheated either on them or on others, people who led "player" type lifestyles, people who see sex as "nothing", then wonder why they are living with a long term partner or husband or wife who is cheating/has cheated on them...

 

Of course some can change, the cheater may embrace monogamy, the nice guy/the sweet girl may decide they want to experience more... never say never.

BUT if your fiancée/fiancé is playing away before the marriage do not expect him/her to be faithful, loyal and true to you after the marriage...

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