BelleOfTheBall88 Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 If you've read my previous post then you know my story about my husband and I. If you don't then here's the long story short. My husband has quit having sex with me because I've made him feel pressured into it. I've made him feel like my high sex drive is something he should be responsible for taking care of. I've realized my wrong in my marriage and I want to fix it. I am a self employed work from home mother. I was homeschooled as a child. As a result, I have no friends to talk to and I'm socially awkward. Last week I talked my husband into creating an account on here and tell you what he was feeling and ask for advice...well...his account was restricted for "trolling". He wasn't trolling...this is a legit issue even if it may be rare. Since then, I've done a lot of thinking. I feel like I am the problem here. I'm the reason my husband can't be intimate with me. I'm always begging him for sex, making him feel like a celibate when he says he's tired, make him feel guilty for not being able to satisfy me. Who wants to have sex with that? Nothing will change if we don't do things differently. He's agreed to an every other night schedule to have sex. That's fine with me. But, it doesn't exactly fix the issue of him "wanting" to have sex. I want to make changes but I'm really not sure how. I'm going to stop nagging about the sex but I want to do more than just that. What are some small but noticeable changes that I could make? I want him to want me again. I don't want sex to feel like a chore. I want sex to be how it should be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 Well... good luck. Really, though, if there's a fundamental libido mismatch, BOTH partners have to take responsibility. I would suggest checking out reddit's deadbedrooms instead of loveshack. Loveshack is not a good resource for dealing with this kind of thing, there are too many people here who fall into the habits of thinking "all men love sex all the time, women don't". Even on deadbedrooms people still assume that there's something WRONG with a man if he's the lower libido one and will immediately insist that he get his testosterone fixed, but at least there are many other women present who are in similar situations and can talk to you about how things have worked for them. https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/ Seriously I do wish you luck and hope you guys can find a happy balance somewhere. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jenkins95 Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 Well... good luck. Really, though, if there's a fundamental libido mismatch, BOTH partners have to take responsibility. I would suggest checking out reddit's deadbedrooms instead of loveshack. Loveshack is not a good resource for dealing with this kind of thing, there are too many people here who fall into the habits of thinking "all men love sex all the time, women don't". Even on deadbedrooms people still assume that there's something WRONG with a man if he's the lower libido one and will immediately insist that he get his testosterone fixed, but at least there are many other women present who are in similar situations and can talk to you about how things have worked for them. https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/ Seriously I do wish you luck and hope you guys can find a happy balance somewhere. I echo these sentiments. I am really impressed that you are prepared to put in that much effort - that's what marriages need sometimes, a bit of hard work and effort to get things moving in the right direction! smm is right though - this considerable effort has to come from BOTH sides, so make sure he does his bit. I truly wish you nothing but the very best of luck for your marriage and please keep us up to date with developments. Take care! Link to post Share on other sites
debv Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 Just a couple thoughts.... Most guys need respect - so anything you can do to show him respect may be helpful. Try going out of your way to notice things he's done and let him know how well, and how you appreciate it. Appreciate his employment/hard work. I'd suggest working on relationships even though you may feel awkward. Making friends takes practice, and just because you feel awkward now doesn't mean it's a permanent condition! Joining a group might be a good way to start. Most men were not made in a way to fulfill all of a women's social needs. Most women like to talk way more then men. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BelleOfTheBall88 Posted July 7, 2017 Author Share Posted July 7, 2017 Thank you all for the encouragement! I'm ready for us to be happy again. Link to post Share on other sites
Aqulesco Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 Smile, laugh, be funny. Ask him to go on a walk with you. Sometimes exercise stimulates the libido Link to post Share on other sites
hammyy2k Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 a spouce begging for sex is very pathetic to say the least, your husband should be wary tht depriving you from sex can have as bad an effect as cheating/affairs etc esp when i think in this modern era women cheating ratio is becoming more than men Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 First off, whose idea was the 'every other night' schedule in the first place? If it was yours and he just 'agreed' to it, I'd strongly recommend you ditch that. VERY few things kill desire more than feeling like sex is an obligation. If he feels obligated to have sex every other night regardless of how he's feeling, you can bet his actual interest will drop even further, which would be counterproductive to your goal. Heck I love sex with my SO, but if he insisted on it being a REQUIREMENT every other night, I wouldn't enjoy it any more (and would never agree to something like that in the first place, but that's besides the point). I would also strongly suggest you make an effort to go out and socialize a bit more. This will be good for you in other aspects as well. Have you talked to your husband about what he would like you to do to make things more enjoyable for him? It's hard for us to tell you what would work when we don't know what he likes. For instance some men are turned on by lingerie, or roleplay, or a certain type of behaviour, whereas others aren't. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 He's agreed to an every other night schedule to have sex. That's fine with me. But, it doesn't exactly fix the issue of him "wanting" to have sex. If he's agreed to every other night success, declare victory. Enjoy the sex when it happens & take care of yourself on the other nights. You can't make somebody want to have sex daily. Link to post Share on other sites
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